SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
"Cruise Control"<br /> <br />My family has a tradition of naming the cruise control<br />on our cars. We were used to hearing my father proclaim,<br />"Take it, Max," as he flipped on the cruise control during<br />long trips in our station wagon.<br /> <br />Recently, I was travelling with my parents in their new car<br />when we hit a wide-open expanse of highway. My dad<br />leaned back and said, "I think I'll let Tom drive for a while."<br /> <br />"Tom who?" I asked.<br /> <br />My mother translated for me: <br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />"Tom Cruise, of course."<br />_______________________________________________<br />"Party Entertainment"<br /> <br />A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter,<br />and had gone all out..... a caterer, band, and a<br />hired clown. Just before the party started, two<br />bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling<br />sorry for the bums, the woman told them that<br />she would give them a meal if they would help<br />chop some wood for her out back. Gratefully,<br />they headed to the rear of the house.<br /> <br />The guests arrived, and all was going well with<br />the children having a wonderful time. But the<br />clown hadn't shown up. After a half an hour,<br />the clown finally called to report that he was<br />stuck in traffic, and would probably not make<br />the party at all.<br /> <br />The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully<br />tried to entertain the children herself. She happened<br />to look out the window and saw one of the bums<br />doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watched in<br />awe as he swung from tree branches, did midair<br />flips, and leaped high in the air.<br /> <br />She spoke to the other bum and said, "What your<br />friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I have never<br />seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would<br />consider repeating this performance for the children<br />at the party? I would pay him $100!"<br /> <br />The other bum says, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him.<br />HEY WILLIE! FOR $100, <br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />WOULD YOU CHOP OFF<br />ANOTHER TOE? 
