Bassy
Lieutenant Commander
- Joined
- Aug 15, 2003
- Messages
- 1,795
To all the men in our lives - and the women who love them! Enjoy! 
<br /><br />-Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire <br />long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in. AAA is not an option. I <br />will win. <br /><br />-Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood <br />and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man <br />shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these <br />things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know <br />where to start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy <br />Communion. <br /><br />-Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and <br />take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get <br />as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem. <br />Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the <br />store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like <br />"cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, <br />under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine <br />hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys cumin is a spice and not a <br />bodily function) <br /><br />-Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist <br />on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as <br />much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together. <br />Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand <br />while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show <br />looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a <br />calculator)...applies to engineers mainly. <br /><br />-Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The <br />answer is always either s*x, cars or football. I have to make up something <br />else when you ask, so don't ask. <br /><br />-Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother <br />come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more <br />than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't <br />need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too. <br /><br />-Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances <br />are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.... and if you are feeling <br />amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and <br />recommend it to others. <br /> <br />-Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you <br />were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. <br />With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. <br />Can we just go now? <br /><br />-Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2004, I will share <br />equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the <br />cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like <br />looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the garden with a beer <br />wondering what to do.
<br /><br />-Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire <br />long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in. AAA is not an option. I <br />will win. <br /><br />-Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood <br />and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man <br />shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these <br />things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know <br />where to start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy <br />Communion. <br /><br />-Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and <br />take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get <br />as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem. <br />Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the <br />store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like <br />"cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, <br />under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine <br />hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys cumin is a spice and not a <br />bodily function) <br /><br />-Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist <br />on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as <br />much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together. <br />Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand <br />while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show <br />looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a <br />calculator)...applies to engineers mainly. <br /><br />-Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The <br />answer is always either s*x, cars or football. I have to make up something <br />else when you ask, so don't ask. <br /><br />-Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother <br />come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more <br />than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't <br />need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too. <br /><br />-Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances <br />are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.... and if you are feeling <br />amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and <br />recommend it to others. <br /> <br />-Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you <br />were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. <br />With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. <br />Can we just go now? <br /><br />-Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2004, I will share <br />equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the <br />cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like <br />looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the garden with a beer <br />wondering what to do.
