SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
'Twas the day after Christmas and all through the trailer, <br />The beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler. <br /><br />The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys.<br />And I was camped out on my old Lay-Z-Boy. <br /><br />The kids they weren't talking to me or my wife, <br />The worst Christmas they said they had had in their lives. <br /><br />My wife couldn't argue and neither could I, <br />So I watched TV and my wife, she just cried. <br /><br />When out in the yard the dog started barkin'.<br />I stood up and looked and I saw Sheriff Larkin. <br />He yelled, "Roy I am sworn to uphold the laws <br />And I got a complaint here from a feller named Claus." <br /><br />I said, "Claus, I don't know nobody named Claus, <br />And you ain't taking me in without probable cause." <br /><br />Then the Sheriff he said, "The man was shot at last night." <br />I said, "That might have been me, just what's he look like." <br /><br />The Sheriff replied, "Well he's a jolly old feller, with a big beer gut belly, <br />That shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly. <br />He sports a long beard, and a nose like a cherry." <br />I said, "Sheriff that sounds like my wife's sister Sherri." <br /><br />"It's no time for jokes Roy" the Sheriff he said. <br />"The man I'm describing is dressed all in red. <br />I'm here for the truth now, it's time to come clean. <br />Tell me what you've done, tell me what you've seen." <br /><br />Well I started to lie then I thought what the hell,<br />It wouldn't have been the first time that I've spent New Years in jail. <br /><br />I said, "Sheriff it happened last night about ten. <br />I thought that my wife had been drinking again." <br /><br />When she walked in from work she was as white as a ghost. <br />I thought maybe she had seen one of them UFO's. <br /><br />But she said that a bunch of deer had just flown over her head, <br />And stopped on the roof of our good neighbour Red. <br /><br />Well I ran outside to look and the sight made me shudder, <br />A freezer full of venison standing right on Red's gutter. <br /><br />Well my hands were a shakin' as I grabbed my gun.<br />When outta Red's chimney this feller did run. <br /><br />And slung on his back was this bag over flowin'. <br />I thought he stolen Red's stuff while old Red was out bowling'. <br /><br />So I yelled, "Drop fat boy, hands in the air!" <br />But he went about his business like he hadn't a care!<br /><br />So I popped off a warning shot over his head. <br />Well he dropped that bag and he jumped in that sled. <br /><br />And as he flew off I heard him extort, <br />"That's assault with intent Roy, I'll see ya in court."
