TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS and all through the boat,<br />The bilge pumps were hustling to keep us afloat,<br />The children were nestled all snug in their berths,<br />(We sleep here most nights to get our money's worth)<br /><br />As Ma read Jackie Collins and I guzzled beer,<br />She said You've had enough, now come to bed dear.<br />Then out on the dock there arose an uproar<br />As I reached in the Igloo to get just one more.<br /><br />So up went my head out of the hatch.<br />(Though I should have thought first to undo the latch.)<br />I saw stars for a moment, and as quick as a blink<br />My wife yelled, "See, you've had too much to drink!"<br /><br />The moon on the water lit the marina up bright<br />(Which was good, since the kids had lost my flashlight.)<br />Then what with my wondering eyes should I see,<br />But a fat, fuzzy old guy in a Bayliner Capri.<br /><br />Instead of an outboard hung on the rear,<br />Tied to the bow were eight tiny reindeer.<br />More rapid than Reggie, these coursers they flew,<br />And on each of their hoofs was a Topsider shoe.<br /><br />With crashing and bashing and banging and knocking,<br />I knew in an instant they must be docking,<br />No Dasher! Hold it, Dancer! Damn you Prancer and Vixen.<br />Stop, Comet! Grab a line, Cupid! Get bumpers, Doneer and Blitzen!<br />Look out for that boat! Watch that seawall!<br />Now fend off, fend off, fend off all!<br /><br />He was dressed in a red cap ringed with fur trim<br />Along with a Speedo that covered just a fraction of him.<br />I was shocked and astonished. What could I say?<br />I also go boating dressed exactly that way.<br /><br />He then grabbed a bag, a bulging huge sack,<br />And hoisted it up onto his back,<br />He also had sponges and a mop in his grip,<br />As he waddled his way o'er to my slip.<br /><br />He said My names Nick, and my friend, I can tell<br />That your gel coat needs buffing and your teak looks like hell.<br />Your vinyl needs cleaning, your lockers arranging,<br />Your holding tank pumping, and your oil a-changing,<br />You've put these jobs off for too long and you know it.<br />So here's all that you need. This time don't blow it.<br /><br />Then as quick as he came, he was back on his boat,<br />His reindeer revving and eager to tote.<br />Merry Christmas! he called as they cruised through the night.<br />And regarding the beer Joe, your wife she is right.<br /><br />THE END
