SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
"Puns"<br />{you've been warned}<br /> <br />My son, Ken, was married yesterday. I heard<br />him tell his bride, Caryn, that his ring was<br />so tight it was cutting off his circulation. She<br />replied, "That's what it is supposed to do."<br /> <br />I was in a church meeting where the topic<br />was "Burial or Cremation?" two of the people<br />got rather worked up. One said to the other,<br />"If you have yourself cremated, all you will be<br />doing is making an ash of yourself!" The<br />other replied, "Well, I'm told that petroleum<br />comes from fossilized bones, so if you have<br />yourself buried all you will be doing is making<br />a fuel of yourself!"<br /> <br />The chef at a family-run restaurant had broken<br />her leg and came into our insurance office to<br />file a disability claim. As I scanned the claim<br />form, I did a double take. Under "Reason<br />unable to work," she wrote: "Can't stand to cook."<br /> <br />This guy is walking with his friend. He says to<br />this friend, "You know, Benny's a walking<br />economy." His friend replies, "How so?" "His<br />hair line is in recession, his stomach is a victim<br />of inflation, and both of these together are<br />putting him into a deep depression."<br /> <br />I noticed the neighbor down the street was home<br />every day, so after a few weeks I asked him what<br />was going on. He replied, "I left my job because<br />of illness and fatigue." A few weeks later, his<br />wife gave me the real truth of what happened.<br />Turns out my neighbor's boss got sick and<br />tired of him.<br />_____________________________________________<br />"Vacation Drums"<br /> <br />As told to me by my music teacher....<br /> <br />A guy goes on vacation to a tropical island. As<br />soon as he gets off the plane, he hears drums.<br />He thinks "Wow, this is cool." He goes to the<br />beach, he hears the drums, he eats lunch, he<br />hears drums, he goes to a luau, he hears<br />drums. He TRIES to go to sleep, he hears<br />drums.<br /> <br />This goes on for several nights, and gets to<br />the point where the guy can't sleep at night<br />because of the drums. Finally, he goes<br />down to the front desk.<br /> <br />When he gets there, he asks the manager,<br />"Hey! What's with these drums. Don't they<br />ever stop? I can't get any sleep."<br /> <br />The manager says, "No! Drums must NEVER<br />stop. Very bad if drums stop."<br /> <br />"Why?"<br /> <br /><br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />"When drums stop... bass solo begins." 
