Subject: the ALTIMATE chainletter :-))

[KaGee]

We have all got them, I thought this fit my feelings well...<br />

<br /><br />I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble<br />to send me your chain letters over the past two years. Thank<br />you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of<br />your concern... <br />I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no<br />longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products<br />are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. I no longer<br />drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces<br />and urine. <br />I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. <br />I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get<br />pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. <br />I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even though I smell like a wet<br />dog on a hot day. <br />I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a<br />perfume sample and rob me. <br />I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually<br />Al Qaida in disguise. <br />I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our<br />American troops. <br />I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a<br />stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls<br />to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. I no longer eat<br />prepackaged foods because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay. <br />I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant<br />freaks with no eyes or feathers. <br />I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and<br />leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice. I no longer have any<br />sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair<br />from Nike. <br />I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have<br />their recipe. <br />I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking<br />out for me. <br />I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is<br />about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time). I no longer<br />have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000<br />that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special<br />e-mail program. <br />Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me! I<br />will now return the favor. <br /><br />If you DON'T send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60<br />seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will poop on your head at 5:00 pm<br />tomorrow afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened<br />to a friend of a friend of a friend.

 

[spratt]

Re: Subject: the ALTIMATE chainletter )

" I know this will occur because it actually happened<br />to a friend of a friend of a friend. "...who is a lawyer and knows about these things and if htey say ti is true then it HAS to be...also, be forewarned...Mrs. Fields and Bill Gates, and the folks from Outback Steak House are looking for you...evidently they owe you a lot of recipes, money, and steak dinners...just reply to the email so tehy can verify your address is real...thank you!!! And I have a sister who was the wife of the deposed Nigerian president and they have 40 million dollars to deposit in YOUR checking account...

 

[spratt]

Re: Subject: the ALTIMATE chainletter )

Speak of the Devil!! Check this one out...came in just a few minutes ago!!!<br /><br />******************************************<br /><br />DR.LULU MZIZI<br />DEPARTMENT OF MINERALS AND ENERGY,<br />PRETORIA, SOUTH AFRICA.<br />Tel No: +27-73-374-6160<br />Fax No:<br />ATTN: Mr. President / C.e.o<br /><br /> CONFIDENTIAL & URGENT<br /><br />It is my great pleasure to write you this letter on behalf of my<br />colleagues. Your information was given to me by a member of the South <br />African<br />Export Promotion Council (SAEPC) who was with the Government delegation<br />on a trip to your country for a bilateral conference talk to encourage<br />foreign investors. I have decided to seek a confidential co-operation<br />with you in the execution of the deal hereunder for the benefit of all<br />parties and hope you will keep it confidential because of the nature of<br />this business.<br />Within the Department of Minerals & Energy where I work as a Director<br />of Audit and Project Implementation and with the co-operation of two<br />other top officials, we have in our possession an overdue payment in US<br />funds.<br />The said funds represent certain percentage of the total contract value<br />executed on behalf of my Department by a foreign contracting firm,<br />which we the officials over-invoiced to the amount of US$26.500,000.00<br />(TwentySix Million Five Hundred Thousand US Dollars). Though the actual<br />contract cost has been paid to the original contractor, leaving the <br />excess<br />balance unclaimed.<br />Since the present elected Government is determined to pay foreign<br />contractors all debts owed, so as to maintain good relationship with <br />foreign<br />governments and non-government agencies, we included our bills for<br />approvals with the Department of Finance and the South Africa Reserve <br />Bank<br />(SARB). We are seeking your assistance to front as beneficiary of the<br />unclaimed funds, since we are not allowed to operate foreign accounts.<br />Details and change of beneficiary information upon application for <br />claim<br />to reflect payment and approvals will be secured on behalf of you/your<br />Company.<br />I have the authority of my partners involved to propose that should you<br />be willing to assist us in this transaction your share as compensation<br />will be US$6.625m (25%), while my colleagues and I receive US$17.225m<br />(65%) and the balance of US$2.650m (10%) for taxation and miscellaneous<br />expenses incurred.<br />The business is completely safe and secure, provided you treat it with<br />utmost confidentiality. It does not matter whether you/your Company<br />does contract projects, as a transfer of powers will be secured in <br />favour<br />of you/your Company. Also, your area of specialization is not a<br />hindrance to the successful execution of this transaction. I have <br />reposed my<br />confidence in you and hope that you will not disappoint us.<br /><br />Thanks for your co-operation.<br /><br />Regards,<br /><br />DR.LULU MZIZI<br /><br /><br />N.B Please email your confidential Telephone number to enable me <br />contact you for further clarifications.<br /><br />*******************************************<br /><br />Alright, folks, here is your get rich scheme of all times...forget working for the rest of your lives!!!

 

[KaGee]

Re: Subject: the ALTIMATE chainletter )

Been getting at least one of those a week .<br /><br />I didn't know that there was anything worth investing in over there.....LOL!

 

[Mark42]

Re: Subject: the ALTIMATE chainletter )

I love getting those "I have 26 million US dollars to sneak into the US if you just set up an account...."<br /><br />I usually respond to them all with something like this:<br />************************************<br />Congratulations! You have come to the right source. My firm of ***X, YYY and ZZZ specialize in processing illegal transactions. If you want to fraudulently export money to the USA we are the people who will be able to cut through the red tape and make your transactions rock solid. We have extensive experience with illegal transactions from clients in Nairobi, Bermuda, Ethiopia, and Bahrain just to name a few. References will be furnished upon request.<br /><br />To get started, you MUST follow these simple directions:<br /><br />1) Send a certified bank check or bearer bond in the amount of 30,000 US dollars to the following address as a retainer fee:<br />(put ficticous address here)<br /><br />2) Include a secure phone number where we can reach you. Be sure it is not your office, or anyone who can verify your actual identity.<br /><br />3) Wait for us to respond. We will be in contact as soon as arrangements can be forged.<br /><br />Sincerely,<br /><br />Blah, blah, blah…<br />*******************<br />The idiots usually respond and we have a go around until they give up or I tell them if they can't follow the 3 simple directions then they are too stupid to handle money and my firm has no choice but to break off contact.<br /><br />Incredible how these people will continue to persuade you to put some money in an account and to “trust them”<br /><br />The sad part is people actually fall for this.

 

[KaGee]

Re: Subject: the ALTIMATE chainletter )

That's funny Mark... I'll have to remember that one!

 

[spratt]

Re: Subject: the ALTIMATE chainletter )

A couple times I tried to respond to these things to let them know that I have forwarded their email to the FBI, the Attorney General, my ISP, the local police, etc., and it always comes back that the email address is invalid...

 

[NYMINUTE]

Re: Subject: the ALTIMATE chainletter )

I had one Sunday from France of all places informing me my uncle had died, and left me a "large sum" of money. All I had to do was determine how much $ the "Attorney" who was handling the estate should get, transfer the funds, plus transactions fees, and the check was in the mail. Too bad they spelled my name wrong. Watch the fools bite on this.

 

[Mr.Ladyfish]

Re: Subject: the ALTIMATE chainletter )

While the above letters are good I think the one I just recieved may be.....<br />The Best Chain Letter Ever<br /><br /> Hello, my name is Rod and I suffer from the guilt of not forwarding 50 billion freaking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a br**st on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a traveling freak show.<br /><br />Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and everyone to whom you send "his" email, $1000?<br /><br />How stupid are we?<br /><br />"Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get happy with a model I just happen to run into the next day!"<br /><br />What a bunch of BS.<br /><br />Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and rape me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was started by Peter in 5 AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower.<br /><br />Screw 'em.<br /><br />If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 10 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times.<br /><br />I don't freaking care.<br /><br />Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it's your own unpopularity.<br /><br />The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on.<br /><br /><br />Don't **** people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the *$$ of a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this email.<br /><br />Now forward this to everyone you know.<br /><br />Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.<br /><br />Have a nice day.<br /><br />P.S. Send me 15 bucks

 

[KaGee]

Re: Subject: the ALTIMATE chainletter )

Ya gotta love Mr LF's style is sharing his true feelings....