Stupid Tuesday Funnies

[NYMINUTE]

Makes my day

 

[SoulWinner]

Stupid Tuesday Funnies

"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home."<br />"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. "<br />"Is it common?"<br />"It's not unusual" <br /><br />A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.<br />"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"<br />"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"<br />So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.<br />Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."<br />"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "<br />"No, because he's really heavy" <br /><br />Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.<br />And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.<br />That means it's either my mum or my dad.<br />Or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.<br />But I think it's Colin. <br /><br />So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me<br />"Can you give me a lift?"<br />I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'<br /><br />Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "your round."<br />The other one says "so are you, you fat b@#tard!"<br /><br />Two cannibals eating a clown.<br />One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"<br /><br />Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking<br />battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.<br />They charged one and let the other one off.<br /><br />What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?<br />Anyone can roast beef<br /><br />What’s the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?<br />The location of the Dirt Bag.<br /><br />Why does a pilgrim’s pants always fall down?<br />Because they wear their belt buckles on their hat.<br /><br />How do you catch a unique rabbit?<br />Unique up on it.<br />(took me a while too)<br /><br />How do you catch a tame rabbit?<br />Tame way, unique up on it.<br /><br />Two cannibals eating.<br />One says to the other "I’m having a ball”<br />To which the other replies “Then you’re eating too fast”<br /><br />What goes clop, clop clop, bang, bang, clop, clop, clop?<br />An Amish drive-by-shooting.<br /><br />How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same?<br />Somebody's gonna lose a trailer

 

[SoulWinner]

Re: Stupid Tuesday Funnies

I'm glad I'm not the only one who like corny jokes.

 

[ndemge]

Re: Stupid Tuesday Funnies

Here is from SBN's Jan 25th post....<br />seems to fit, saw the "unique rabbit" and had to find it.... My wife doesn't think it's funny, but I think it's "get er done" funny<br /><br /><br />....<br /><br />1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?<br />Unique Up On It.<br /><br />2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?<br />Tame Way, Unique Up On It.<br /><br />3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?<br />They Take The Psycho Path<br /><br />4. How Do You Get Holy Water?<br />You Boil The Hell Out Of It.<br /><br />5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?<br />Dam!<br /><br />6. What Do Eskimos Get >From Sitting On The Ice too Long?<br />Polaroids<br /><br />7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?<br />A Stick.<br /><br />8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?<br />Nacho Cheese.<br /><br />9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?<br />Subordinate Clauses.<br /><br />10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?<br />Quatro Sinko..<br /><br />11.. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?<br />Spoiled Milk..<br /><br />12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?<br />Frostbite.<br /><br />13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?<br />A Nervous Wreck.<br /><br />14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?<br />Anyone Can Roast Beef.<br /><br />15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?<br />Right Where You Left Him.<br /><br />16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?<br />Because They Have Big Fingers.<br /><br />17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?<br />Because It Scares The Dog.<br /><br />18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?<br />Sanka.<br /><br />19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?<br />The Location Of The Dirt Bag.<br /><br />20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?<br />Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.<br /><br />21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?<br />A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!<br />A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.<br /><br />22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?<br />Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer

 

[deputydawg]

Re: Stupid Tuesday Funnies

Here are a few of my favorites<br /><br />Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?<br /> Because he was dead.<br /><br />The president a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar, the bartender says what is this a joke?<br /><br />Two men walk into a bar. The second should have ducked!<br /><br />What do you call a quadraplegic (spell check) lying in a pile of leaves?<br /> Russle.