Stages of Life

[Tim Frank]

Male

Being over 50 now, somehow these aren't as funny as they once were....

Drinking

17 - beer
25 - imported beer
35 - vodka
48 - scotch
66 - Maalox

Seduction Line

17 - My parents are away for the weekend.
25 - My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35 - My fiancee is away for the weekend.
48 - My wife is away for the weekend.
66 - My second wife is dead.

Favorite Sport

17 - sex
25 - sex
35 - sex
48 - sex
66 - napping

Drug

17 - pot
25 - coke
35 - money
48 - power
66 - Viagra

Definition of a Successful Date

17 - "tongue"
25 - "breakfast"
35 - "She didn't set back my therapy."
48 - "I didn't have to meet her kids."
66 - "Got home alive."

Favorite Fantasy

17 - getting to third
25 - airplane sex
35 - menage a trois
48 - taking the company public
66 - Swiss maid

House Pet

17 - roaches
25 - stoned-out college roommate
35 - black lab
48 - children from his first marriage
66 - dust bunnies

What's the Ideal Age to Get Married?

17 - 25
25 - 35
35 - 48
48 - 66
66 - 17

Ideal Date

17 - Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
25 - "Split the check before we go back to my place."
35 - "Just come over."
48 - "Just come over and cook."
66 - "Come over and watch Star Trek re-runs."

 

[Tim Frank]

A Female's Stages of Life

A Female's Stages of Life

Female

The distaff side....

Drinking

17 - Wine Coolers
25 - White wine
35 - Red wine
48 - Dom Perignon
66 - Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

Excuses for Refusing Dates

17 - Need to wash my hair
25 - Need to need wash and condition my hair
35 - Need to color my hair
48 - Need to have Francois color my hair
66 - Need to have Francois color my wig

Favorite Sport

17 - shopping
25 - shopping
35 - shopping
48 - shopping
66 - shopping

Drug

17 - daddy's credit card
25 - boyfriend's credit card
35 - husband's credit card
48 - boss's credit card
66 - Viagra

Definition of a Successful Date

17 - "Burger King"
25 - "Free meal"
35 - "A diamond"
48 - "A bigger diamond"
66 - "Home Alone"

Favorite Fantasy

17 - tall, dark and handsome
25 - tall, dark and handsome with money
35 - tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48 - a man with hair
66 - a man

House Pet

17 - Muffy the cat
25 - Unemployed boyfriend
35 - Irish setter
48 - Children from his first marriage
66 - Semi-starving guard dog

What's the Ideal Age to Get Married?

17 - 17
25 - 25
35 - 35
48 - 48
66 - 66

Ideal Date

17 - He offers to pay
25 - He pays
35 - He cooks breakfast the next morning
48 - He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66 - He can chew breakfast

 

[Philster]

Re: Stages of Life

Mine is simpler.

When you're young, it's "Whatever".

When you're older, it's "Depends".

 

[DianneB]

Re: A Female's Stages of Life

Re: A Female's Stages of Life

Female The distaff side....

At 61 I can say RIGHT ON!

 

[sasto]

Re: Stages of Life

still 17 after all these years

 

[Bill Kilgore]

Re: Stages of Life

At 17 I said "Man there is nothing to do"

At 43 I say "Man there no time to do anything"








I do have this to fall back on. I tell myself and others "The older I get, the better I was"

 

[kenmyfam]

Re: Stages of Life

Funny