Twidget
Commander
- Joined
- Jun 16, 2004
- Messages
- 2,192
Some Military Humor
Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight.<br /> After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice, : "Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons."<br /><br /> After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight lipped smile, "Admiral, United States Coast Guard, retired. Married, two sons, : both judges."<br /><br /> After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, "Master Chief, United : States Navy, retired. Never married, two sons . . both Admirals.<br /> -----------------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br /> During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel : at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.<br /><br /> "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys,"Yours is.":<br /> ------------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br /> Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his : new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this :afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."<br /><br /> Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he a! sked, "What do you want?"<br /><br /> "Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."<br /> -----------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br /> Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"<br /> Soldier: "Sure, buddy."<br /> Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again, Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"<br /> Soldier: "No, SIR!"<br /> -----------------------------------------------------------------<br />: Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?<br />: A: He'll tell you.<br /><br /> Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?<br /> A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.<br /><br /> Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?<br /> A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.<br />------------------------------------------------------------------<br /> An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General ! were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when : the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.<br /><br /> The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a *****house!"<br /><br /> The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on me.<br />My wife doesn't know what the inside of a *****house smells like."<br />---------------------------------------------------------------------<br /> "Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for : me to die so you can come and pee on my grave."<br />"No Chief, after I get out of the navy I am never going to stand in line again!"
Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight.<br /> After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice, : "Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons."<br /><br /> After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight lipped smile, "Admiral, United States Coast Guard, retired. Married, two sons, : both judges."<br /><br /> After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, "Master Chief, United : States Navy, retired. Never married, two sons . . both Admirals.<br /> -----------------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br /> During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel : at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.<br /><br /> "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys,"Yours is.":<br /> ------------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br /> Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his : new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this :afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."<br /><br /> Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he a! sked, "What do you want?"<br /><br /> "Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."<br /> -----------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br /> Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"<br /> Soldier: "Sure, buddy."<br /> Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again, Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"<br /> Soldier: "No, SIR!"<br /> -----------------------------------------------------------------<br />: Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?<br />: A: He'll tell you.<br /><br /> Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?<br /> A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.<br /><br /> Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?<br /> A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.<br />------------------------------------------------------------------<br /> An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General ! were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when : the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.<br /><br /> The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a *****house!"<br /><br /> The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on me.<br />My wife doesn't know what the inside of a *****house smells like."<br />---------------------------------------------------------------------<br /> "Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for : me to die so you can come and pee on my grave."<br />"No Chief, after I get out of the navy I am never going to stand in line again!"
