Carphunter
Commander
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2002
- Messages
- 2,061
.......My kind of humor. 
<br /><br />~ You know what would probably be a good thing to hang on the porch to keep the misquitoes away from you and your guests? Just a big bag of blood.<br /><br />~ If I ever get real rich, I hope i'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.<br /><br />~ If you ever drop your keys in a molten river of lava, let 'em go, 'cause, man, they're gone.<br /><br />~ I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world because they'd never expect it.<br /><br />~ Anytime I see something screech across the room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what IS that thing?!<br /><br />~ If trees could scream, would we be so willing to cut them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.<br /><br />~ One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little Nephew to Disneyland, but instead drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.<br /><br />~ Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.<br /><br />~ Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, we should be thinking about getting more use out of the ones we already have.<br /><br />~ I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!" We all thought he was crazy. But we had some growing up to do.<br /><br />~ It makes me mad when people say I turned and ran like a scared jack rabbit. Maybe it was an angry rabbit, who was running to go fight in another fight, away from the first fight.<br /><br />~ The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. The stupid man will just lay down on some seaweed and roll around until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand up and go, "Hey, I'm Vine Man!"<br /><br />~ When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.<br /><br />~ Just as irrigation is the lifeblood of the Southwest, lifeblood is the soup of cannibals.<br /><br />~ There's nothing so tragic as seeing a family pulled apart by something as simple as a pack of wolves.<br /><br />~ It takes a big man to cry, it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.<br /><br />~ A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "Thats Dynamite, baby."<br /><br />.....Have a good weekend folks, I gotta go catch me some tadpoles.
<br /><br />~ You know what would probably be a good thing to hang on the porch to keep the misquitoes away from you and your guests? Just a big bag of blood.<br /><br />~ If I ever get real rich, I hope i'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.<br /><br />~ If you ever drop your keys in a molten river of lava, let 'em go, 'cause, man, they're gone.<br /><br />~ I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world because they'd never expect it.<br /><br />~ Anytime I see something screech across the room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what IS that thing?!<br /><br />~ If trees could scream, would we be so willing to cut them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.<br /><br />~ One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little Nephew to Disneyland, but instead drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.<br /><br />~ Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.<br /><br />~ Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, we should be thinking about getting more use out of the ones we already have.<br /><br />~ I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!" We all thought he was crazy. But we had some growing up to do.<br /><br />~ It makes me mad when people say I turned and ran like a scared jack rabbit. Maybe it was an angry rabbit, who was running to go fight in another fight, away from the first fight.<br /><br />~ The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. The stupid man will just lay down on some seaweed and roll around until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand up and go, "Hey, I'm Vine Man!"<br /><br />~ When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.<br /><br />~ Just as irrigation is the lifeblood of the Southwest, lifeblood is the soup of cannibals.<br /><br />~ There's nothing so tragic as seeing a family pulled apart by something as simple as a pack of wolves.<br /><br />~ It takes a big man to cry, it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.<br /><br />~ A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "Thats Dynamite, baby."<br /><br />.....Have a good weekend folks, I gotta go catch me some tadpoles. 
