Twidget
Commander
- Joined
- Jun 16, 2004
- Messages
- 2,192
SIPPING VODKA <br />A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get <br />nervous, I take a sip." <br /> <br />So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door: <br />1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp. <br />2) There are 10 commandments, not 12. <br />3) There are 12 disciples, not 10. <br />4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. <br />5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his azz. <br />6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. <br />7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook. <br />8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh1t out of him. <br />9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his azz. <br />10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T." <br />11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" . <br />12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,. <br />13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God. <br />14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
