Retirement, anyone been there done that ?

[Billfo]

Retired 5 months now. Retired early (58) for health concerns. Rotating shiftwork was killing me & no chance of getting off shift work, I love being on regular sleep and fishing whenever I want.. But something is seriously missing. Money isn't the issue. Perhaps we messed up the way we did it. Sold our main home, sold our vacation home, retired from work, moved into a new home 400 miles away in a retirement neighborhood (full of older people) all within 3 weeks. We do not relate to the older people in our neighborhood, who all have been warm & welcoming (my wife is only 51).. We have both worked fullltime since we were out of school. Just don't know what to do with ourselves. Guess retirement sounded better than it actually is.. Thought about getting part time jobs for mental well being, but don't know if that's the answer. Wonder if this is all normal. Hope we are just going thru an adjustment period- although feel like we are failing....

 

[BRG25]

Maybe this is an opportunity to get a job you really enjoy, even if it doesn't pay as much. My father is in the exact same place you are and he has started new projects he never had time to do before. Tried some new hobbies, Maybe you could travel a bit? Sounds like you are financial well off. Buy a new boat or an RV! Have some fun!

 

[WIMUSKY]

Hey Billfo......... 1st and foremost, you're not failing. You just went thru a ton of "Changes" in a very short period of time. Now that you've sorta settled in, everything has hit you like a ton of bricks. You're maybe feeling a little anxious and depressed. It's normal to feel that way considering all you did in 3 weeks. You've done a 180 as far as everyday life. It will take some adjusting to get used to your new life. And it probably wont happen overnite, so be patient.

You guys are young. I'm pushing 54 and always said I wanted to retire at 55. But, I know now that I would need to do something. It may be something part-time a couple days a week just to stay somewhat busy. Sitting around would be the worst thing to do. I work for myself and am dependent on the weather 24/7/365. Throughout the year I can have plenty of downtime depending on the weather. My biggest downfall is trying to stay busy by doing "something". Winters are the toughest since it's cold and snow. I try to ice fish, snowmobile when I'm not plowing. Staying active during the slow times helps keep my head screwed on straight.

I would suggest venturing out of the retirement community, not moving, and get involved with people your own age for starters. Develop friendships with people so you can do stuff with them. Consider a part time job. And try to make it something that you would "really" like to do. Volunteer work? Just stay active. I don't know what your health issues are, but sitting around day in and day out will only enhance what you're feeling now. Not saying that's what you're doing.

Hope this isn't all jibberish. Just trying to help......

Musky

 

[jrttoday]

retired...? yeah, I was tired yesterday and tired again today! probably because I was outside until 11ish working on a four wheeler trailer for my neighbor's boss. Just got up at 11:30am - will be 58 next March. Have a heart condition that forced me out, planned on working professionally as long as I could, guess that was it!!!

Seven years ago, I move 900 miles away from any close relations and damn glad I did; and not going into that. For years I traveled (Union pipe welder/fitter) and thought I would continue that, but my RV blew a motor and I just wrote it off. Work fell off about the same time and I sat awhile, ended up building a boat.

My heart condition surfaced in April this year and haven't worked since; I've been filling some of my time doing things for others - including this trailer. Because I have the time, this man is getting a trailer far better than anything that could be bought. I have built it as if I were building it for myself; and that makes me feel good.

If you want self-esteem, do esteemable things. In a manner of speaking, I must reinvent myself every day... It has become its own reward, to get out there every day and see what comes.... In helping others, we find the answers to our own problems... and you just helped me in sharing your's, thank you

 

[Woodonglass]

What do you LOVE to do? I mean, think about waking up to when you go to sleep at night? Do that!!! When I retire next year, I'll be in my wood shop, and on my boat and with my Grandkids. Not sure if I'll have enuf time for all three cuz I enjoy all of them about the same. If money is not an issue then do anything and everything that brings you JOY!!! I sincerely HOPE it's NOT Working for the man!!!!

 

[gm280]

I retired five years ago now and I love it. BUT, I have a fully loaded workshop that I can do basically anything I desire. I actually have too many hobbies and had to give some of them up. So R/C airplane building and flying is/was one of them. Woodworking, metal working and electronics are still going strong though. And of course my old '76 Tom Boy tri-hull boat project is keeping me busy as well. I suggest you find something that interests you, even if you never done it before, and start on that to occupy your new-found free time. Obviously sitting around is a death sentence. So get going, on anything. I hear people talk all the time about retiring and if they simply sit around after retiring, serious health issue crop up and longevity is not in the cards. So fish, hunt, make things, build things, refurbish things. There are so many things a person can do to keep busy AND enjoy. I think it will take about ten years or more before I get caught up with all the plans I have. JMHO!

 

[garbageguy]

I have not been there, or done that (only 52), but I think about doing all the things I don't have time for (IF I can really ever retire though - 3 in college, house, cars, boats, food, etc always seem to need more $). I would think that if money is not an issue, and just doing fun stuff gets old, that finding a part time job or volunteering doing something you really enjoy would be the way to go. Maybe helping kids (teaching, mentoring?) become productive members of society.

 

[Billfo]

I have not been there, or done that (only 52), but I think about doing all the things I don't have time for (IF I can really ever retire though - 3 in college, house, cars, boats, food, etc always seem to need more $). I would think that if money is not an issue, and just doing fun stuff gets old, that finding a part time job or volunteering doing something you really enjoy would be the way to go. Maybe helping kids (teaching, mentoring?) become productive members of society.

and just doing fun stuff gets old... That is so true.........

 

[southkogs]

My grandfather, upon retiring from the ANG, took the opportunity to start painting full time. He could paint in his studio on his schedule and paint what he wanted. Within a few years, he and my grandmother started traveling around and selling his artwork at shows. They would use the proceeds to cover travel expenses and the realized profit was given to charity.

Musky's right about the transition period. And for the moment, you may have trouble sorting out what the next step is. But there are so many ways for you to play with cottage industries you are interested in or volunteering for organizations that have a good mission that you like. Nice part about your situation is there aren't any rules

 

[WIMUSKY]

Travel? Plus all the other things that have been mentioned. I hear a lot of people who are retired say they are busier now than they were when they had a job.... I still find that sounding a little screwy. Because they're usually busy around the house whether inside or out.... More and more people our age get 5th wheels/ Rvs etc and become full timers traveling the country.......

 

[Billfo]

My grandfather, upon retiring from the ANG, took the opportunity to start painting full time. He could paint in his studio on his schedule and paint what he wanted. Within a few years, he and my grandmother started traveling around and selling his artwork at shows. They would use the proceeds to cover travel expenses and the realized profit was given to charity.

Musky's right about the transition period. And for the moment, you may have trouble sorting out what the next step is. But there are so many ways for you to play with cottage industries you are interested in or volunteering for organizations that have a good mission that you like. Nice part about your situation is there aren't any rules

what the next step is... Exactly !!!

 

[aspeck]

Staying active during the slow times helps keep my head screwed on straight. ...Musky

When did you get your head screwed on straight? I missed that thread? Did the doctor do it, or you mechanic? Inquiring minds want to know!


Sorry for the hijack, Billfo. Don't sweat it, you need to expect a transition time with all the stuff you changed! My, that was certainly ambitious! That alone would be enough to make be go nuts! (I am sure Musky will want to put something in there about me not needing to go nuts because I already am!)

I think you and your wife need to concentrate on a new group of friends. Having moved 400 miles from your "support group" is a task in and of itself. As you develop more friends, expand your horizons. Yes, doing fun stuff can get boring. That is hard for us that are not retired to understand, but it is valid and I have seen it many times. Is there a church or a civic organization that espouses your ideals that you can get actively involved in? See, sometimes we are so busy with our life, that we don't find value in who we are, but our value is in what we do ... work, play, family, etc. So you need to find things that make you feel good about you. For me, I always find I am most at peace when I am investing in the lives of others. There is something about doing for others that takes the focus off of me. When the focus is on others I am most happy.

Hope that helps or sparks a few thoughts for you as you adjust to the NEW YOU, not just the new life.

 

[WIMUSKY]

That's ok Art, I'll take the high road and be the more mature one........:behindsofa:

Billfo, you've only been at it for 5 months. No need to panic or 2nd guess. Relax, give it time....

 

[NYBo]

You went through several of the most stressful life events possible in a very short period of time. Nothing abnormal about your reaction at all.

 

[gm280]

I hear passing on your life full of knowledge and experiences to others that seriously would like to learn can be extremely rewarding. Maybe give that a try. :noidea:

 

[BWR1953]

As others have said, you've been through several significant, very stressful changes over the last few months. It's going to take some time to adapt. Moving 400 miles to a relatively unknown location really adds to that too. You'll have to build a new support network to help alleviate some of that stress.

As for me, I'm 62 and have been medically retired for over 8 years now. It was sudden for me. Lost my health and subsequently my job as well. Talk about stress! In the following years my health improved, then got worse, improved again and last year got scary bad and has remained so. But I do what I can and what I must. Keep calm and carry on and whatnot. :lol:

I've always had numerous hobbies to keep my mind active and engaged: RC planes, fishing, hunting, gardening, landscaping and many others, now including working on old tin boats! So I'm very rarely bored.

And of course it's great that I'm retired so that I can go to all those doctor appointments! :rofl:

I remember working with folks who had retired but who had never had hobbies or interests and after a short time of being retired they just went back to work because that's all they knew. And they were miserable for the most part. Very few were happy to be back in the daily grind with a slave-driver constantly looking over their shoulders! :facepalm:

Gotta have hobbies and interests or the ol' brain explodes! :boom:

 

[robert graham]

I'm retired now 3 years and love it....healthy....a few bucks$$$ in the bank.....start every day with a 20 mile bicycle ride, then work on my VW rail buggy, boat, outboard motor, canoe, another outboard motor, 3 older cars, 2 acres of woods....never without projects and fix-it's....Saturday morning here and heading to the flea market, then my bicycle ride, then watch Clemson win another game, church in the morning....I also have a GOOD WIFE who stays busy and is very happy!....I've been richly blessed all my life and I know it!.....

 

[Billfo]

When did you get your head screwed on straight? I missed that thread? Did the doctor do it, or you mechanic? Inquiring minds want to know!


Sorry for the hijack, Billfo. Don't sweat it, you need to expect a transition time with all the stuff you changed! My, that was certainly ambitious! That alone would be enough to make be go nuts! (I am sure Musky will want to put something in there about me not needing to go nuts because I already am!)

I think you and your wife need to concentrate on a new group of friends. Having moved 400 miles from your "support group" is a task in and of itself. As you develop more friends, expand your horizons. Yes, doing fun stuff can get boring. That is hard for us that are not retired to understand, but it is valid and I have seen it many times. Is there a church or a civic organization that espouses your ideals that you can get actively involved in? See, sometimes we are so busy with our life, that we don't find value in who we are, but our value is in what we do ... work, play, family, etc. So you need to find things that make you feel good about you. For me, I always find I am most at peace when I am investing in the lives of others. There is something about doing for others that takes the focus off of me. When the focus is on others I am most happy.

Hope that helps or sparks a few thoughts for you as you adjust to the NEW YOU, not just the new life.

Lots of good stuff in this reply also. Especially "busy with our life, that we don't find value in who we are, but our value is in what we do ... ". Aint that the truth.

 

[Redfred1]

My wife and I both busted our buns for 45 years; fought the big city traffic; and finally sold out and moved to the country. Wished I had done it 30 years ago! Our lives changed completely. Money is OK; (comfortable) health fair; No big bills Have too many projects and not enough time .I laugh inside when I'm in front of the TV drinking my coffee watching the news: traffic; weather; seeing what I went through. What I need to know is "where is all this spare time I'm suppose to have after I retired?" Still looking for it.

 

[bassman284]

Travel? Plus all the other things that have been mentioned. I hear a lot of people who are retired say they are busier now than they were when they had a job.... I still find that sounding a little screwy. Because they're usually busy around the house whether inside or out.... More and more people our age get 5th wheels/ Rvs etc and become full timers traveling the country.......

Oh yeah, busier than ever before! I retired 5 years ago at the age of 64.5 and kind of follow what a good friend of mine says when people ask him what he's doing now that he's retired, "I don't do a damn thing and I don't start that before noon."

Wim, as you said to the OP, that's a whole lot of change in a very short time. It's going to take a while to wrap his head around it. The only change for me was not going in to work anymore and going fishing a lot more. Sometimes a warmer climate sounds good but all my family and friends are around here and I like them. I'm generally pretty good at making new friends but I would miss the old ones.