"Redneck Crash Course on Etiquette"

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

On Driving:<br /> <br />When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires<br />always has the right of way.<br /> <br />Never tow another car using *****hose and duct tape. Most consider<br />it unsafe, if not downright stupid...<br /> <br />When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite<br />to ask her to bring back beer.<br /> <br />Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially while<br />driving.<br /> <br /> <br />On Personal Hygiene:<br /> <br />It is best to partake in some form of personal hygiene.<br /> <br />Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a<br />hand-me-down item.<br /> <br />While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should<br />be done in private using one's OWN keys.<br /> <br />The same goes with biting and picking one's toenails. And never<br />should one partake in this personal endeavor at the dinner table.<br /> <br />While Entertaining in Your Home:<br /> <br />Do not allow the dog to eat at the table . . . no matter how good<br />his manners are.<br /> <br /> <br />On Dating:<br /> <br />If you go fishing, always offer to bait your date's hook, especially<br />on the first date.<br /> <br />Be aggressive yet polite. Let her know you are interested: "I've<br />been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the men's<br />bathroom wall two years ago."<br /> <br />If a girl's name does not appear regularly on a bathroom wall, water<br />tower, or an overpass, odds are good that the date will end in<br />frustration.<br /> <br /> <br />On Attending The Theatre:<br /> <br />For the best enjoyment for all, crying babies should be taken to the<br />lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.<br /> <br />Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven<br />they can't hear you.<br /> <br /> <br />On Wedding Attendance:<br /> <br />Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.<br /> <br />If you are so honored to be the groom, it is best to refrain from<br />bringing a date.<br /> <br />When dancing, never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is.<br />It's just too hard to explain...<br /> <br /> <br />Etiquette for All Occasions:<br /> <br />Never take alcohol to a job interview, and especially don't offer it<br />to the interviewer.<br /> <br />It's considered tacky to take a cooler or bottle to church.<br /> <br />Always try to identify people in your yard before shooting them.<br /> <br />Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it's<br />considered tacky to drive the U-Haul van in the funeral procession.