Recently Reunited Friend asking to borrow money

[Thajeffski]

Knew the guy all through highschool, he got in to drugs, I got into college.

I befriended his brother (who doesn't drink or do drugs) and for the past 10 years haven't really hung around this guy.

Saw him at a party a month or so ago.

2 weeks ago I get a request for 40 bucks. I say fine but not till tomorrow, ends up he finds 40 bucks somewhere.

Fastforward to today.

He now wants me to buy a projector of his for 150 bucks (claims I can sell it on ebay for 250 easy) or just loan him 150 bucks.

40 I can handle, 150 I can't.

Apparently he's asked a few people to borrow money including his brother, who wants nothing to do with him.

I feel bad for not loaning him the cash, but I have gone out of my way to rid myself of this kind of drama and will NOT be participating. Still feel bad though.

Have any of you gone through this kind of situation? How did it pan out?

 

[Tig]

Re: Recently Reunited Friend asking to borrow money

I think of it as giving money away. Which I some times do if I think I am giving someone a hand up and not a hand out. I would not "buy" anything that may possibly be stolen. That thought alone turns me away from getting involved. Typically I hire the person to do some work for me. I can't really give you any examples of long term success stories, but I try.

 

[roscoe]

Re: Recently Reunited Friend asking to borrow money

never worked out well for me, or other family that tried to help them.

Food, clothes, household goods, fine, cash - no.

 

[aspeck]

Re: Recently Reunited Friend asking to borrow money

I will only loan someone money if I am willing and able to GIVE it to them ... that way if I don't get paid back, it is no big deal.

My standard answer is, "Sorry, I am not a bank and I don't loan money to others because it is the quickest way to end a friendship and our friendship is too important to let money get in between."

Hope that helps.

 

[flycaster]

Re: Recently Reunited Friend asking to borrow money

Give him the job of mowing your lawn and trimming the shrubbery for a month and see if he is still interested in acquiring some funds.

 

[ehenry]

Re: Recently Reunited Friend asking to borrow money

flycaster is spot on. You'll find out really quick how bad your friend needs or wants the money when you do what flycaster says. If he's not doing drugs chances are he'll do the work....if he's on meth/crack or whatever you jprobably wont hear from him again.

My best friends little brother had a habit and use to hit me up for money. I gave it to him a couple times.....when i did what flycaster says I have't heard from him since and that was 20+ years ago.

 

[SS MAYFLOAT]

Re: Recently Reunited Friend asking to borrow money

Beat them to the punch,,,,,,,try to bum money off of them first. Chances are they won't ask

Today, I let my guard down a bit. A guy from out of town had his car break down just yards from my shop. My co-worker left the overhead door open. I have a big rule to keep the shop closed at all times for what is about to happen.

So in walks this guy saying his wife and kids is in the car and he had a flat. I told him that there is a garage around the cornor that they might be able to help. He comes back and says they need $15 dollars which he doesn't have. He pulls out papers from the court he just came from for child support. Says he will return the money, offers me to hold his cell phone, and take his wife-n-kids. (joking) So, I go look out the shop door and sure enough there is a car down the street with a flat with a lady and kids. I called the garage and asked them if they could help the guy out with putting an old tire on for him for $10. The garage said they would since it was me that called them. I gave the guy $10 and sent him on his way. Two hours later, he was back with $10 and offered to give me another $10 for helping him out. Of course I declined the extra. Some times you do find some good people who do appreciate help.

 

[Mark42]

Re: Recently Reunited Friend asking to borrow money

RUN, don't walk away from this guy. The more you get involved, the worse it will turn out. Don't be surprised if you get robbed soon.

 

[jay_merrill]

Re: Recently Reunited Friend asking to borrow money

I received one of those phone calls yesterday.

"Hi, I haven't talked to you in awhile so I thought "I'd say hello!"

Ok, Hello.

It took about five minutes to get to the "I need money part," but soon enough, there it was.

I just acted like I didn't even hear the statement and immediately started talking about something else. Fortunately, the woman involved, knows me well enough, not to have wasted her time trying to bring the matter up again.

My guess is that I won't hear from her for awhile.



???

 

[FBPirate95]

Re: Recently Reunited Friend asking to borrow money

We own boats.....therefore we don't have extra money lying around.


Seriously though, I agree with offering him odd jobs to be paid for. Chances are he won't take you up on it.

We deal with both ends. We have people asking for money in which we don't want to give it to them because we know its not going to anything good, or be used for what they say it is. Then we have people like my brother who struggles with keeping a job (due to skill set and economy), has major diabetic health issues, and he won't take any money from me. Even if I give him odd jobs that I need done to do. When he lost his job the last time, he refused to go collect un-employment of which he paid into for years.

Helping people is tough sometime from all directions.

 

[tashasdaddy]

Re: Recently Reunited Friend asking to borrow money

some will even take a job. follow them when you pay them, directly to the CRACK house.

 

[LadyFish]

Re: Recently Reunited Friend asking to borrow money

Tell him you will help him find the resources available to end his addiction but you will NOT give him money. That will be worth more to him at the end of the day.

 

[Thajeffski]

Re: Recently Reunited Friend asking to borrow money

This guy does have a job. And a turbo subaru and an apartment. etc etc.

He probably sees me with two cars a boat and two jetskis and thinks I have extra cash.

The truth is I'm about to turn 30 and my money comes and goes VERY quickly, I do have retirement $$ that I don't touch, but everything else is fair game for me.

 

[Isaacm1986]

Re: Recently Reunited Friend asking to borrow money

I had a friend that is a drug addict. For 6 months I was taking him to NA meetings, driving him to and from work, and he was clean for 6 months. I finally lent him $600 to buy a car. The same day i bought is car, he took off and I have not seen him since. however a buddy of mine got ahold of his car (I still had the title), so I sold the car, got my money back, and still have not talked to or seen this guy. that was 4 years ago.

I will never lend money, If i have the extra, I will consider giving it away. But like it was said before, Friendships are too important to ruin over money.

Let the guy figure out his own way to buy the projector, or hire him to do some work.

 

[JB]

Re: Recently Reunited Friend asking to borrow money

Do not enable whatever he is doing that is surely bad for him.

Ask him if there is some part of NO that he does not understand.

Reminds me of a high school buddy we called "Mooch". He did not live to be 25.

 

[kend301]

Re: Recently Reunited Friend asking to borrow money

This reminds me of the movie " A Bronx Tale " A young and growing up want to be mobster could not collect 20 bucks from a broke friend , His mentor told him for 20 bucks he was out of his life .. Worth the investment ??? I would not do it with 150 but if you give a little that is never paid back , He will never ask again.

 

[Fly Rod]

Re: Recently Reunited Friend asking to borrow money

I do not loan money.


I do not co-sign.

 

[642mx]

Re: Recently Reunited Friend asking to borrow money

Loaning money is like feeding a stray cat. The cat will always come back for another meal.

I'll give advice and I'll lend a hand... but my wallet stays in my pants.

 

[Andy in NY]

Re: Recently Reunited Friend asking to borrow money

ive been on both sides of the coin. i dont lend money to anyone anymore after we got burnt by our neighbors a few years ago. they bought the house on a land contract and claimed the current owners were screwing them and needed $1000, just for 2 weeks until they finished financing the house through a bank. we drew up an agreement and the husband offered to help my build 2 decks as "interest". long storry short, we were never paid back, and the night we were supposed to go to court he filed a counter suit for not being paid for building 2 decks! then the night of the next court date there was a moving truck in their driveway.


but on the other end of the spectrum, we do borrow from my mom on occasion, but always pay her back promptly. every once in a while she will say dont worry about it, this ones a gift.

but when i am in need of extra cash for the boat, i usually go to a guy i work with and see if he has any odd jobs. hes retired and pays well and is always happy to help.

 

[NelsonQ]

Re: Recently Reunited Friend asking to borrow money

I'm from a big family of 13 (I'm the youngest) I don't stay in touch with more than a few. Every 2-10 years I get a phone call.....looking for $$$....

I do 'loan' money to friends in fact. And the reason is because we are 'genuine' friends. If not, my advise is to do what I do.....work for it.

I know this will seem like a bit of an a** but even when I pass a person on the street begging for $$$, the ones who do something (supposing its writing a funny sign to make me smile, hold the door, attempt to play music, etc) I'll be more apt to give them some change. They 'earned' it and not simply mooch.

True friends don't mooch, they give and take....I guess you just need to know who that person is....