Raising Children

[Tyme2fish]

A friend that I've known for over 20 years has a problem with one of his twin sons. One son, 24 years old, has just been arrested for bank robbery. His twin brother is in the Navy and doing well.<br /><br /> Why do some children just not "get it." I've been lucky with my three children. The wife and I made a decision before the kids were even born that she would be a stay at home mom and take care of the children and I would work. I've got a good career so this was no problem financially.<br /><br /> Our oldest(girl) is married to a good Christian man and they have three wonderful children. My oldest son (also 24 years old as the arrested boy) is engaged to be married next year. He still lives at home but pays me a nominal rent (my choice as to amount) and takes care of his own bills. My youngest son will graduate from Purdue University this December.<br />I just hate to see this arrest happen to good parents and fine people. Makes me greatful the way my children have turned out.Were we just "lucky"???

 

[skeeterboy]

Re: Raising Children

Yea ive got a buddy who was a great kid till he hit HS then it all went to hell in a hand basket. He wants to go into the navy, that is IF he grads HS. My GFs brother is 22 and is sorry to say a frigin loser. No job and not goin to school. Pretty much sleeps all day and plays video games. Its all due to his parents being complete wusses when it comes to disapline. Sad though when her dad was a marine for a long time and they treat him like hes 12 still. It just blows my mind and ticks me off to see what a waste of genes he is and how he gets away with it. You are lucky to have greta kids TYME. Im sure you and your wife are very thankful. Cheers to grandkids :-D

 

[stan_deezy]

Re: Raising Children

Might be the "ying and yang" theory at work with the twins. I was brought up in a good family, father was a 25 year Navy man and my mother from a good working family. I went on to do good at school and get a decent career: my sister on the other hand <br />She started out bad and went downhill from there. Spent her early teenage years running away from home playing truant, never doing what she was told, smoking, drinking etc etc. She left school with no qualifications and straight onto benefits. Quite happy to get in tow with any guy who would buy her booze etc. Then she got arrested for DUI (as the Americans call it) and boy that changed her! She's been straight as a die ever since. Met and married a farmer, went to nightschool, got qualifications and works as a nursing assistant. Got a lovely kid too (but I'm probably biased as I'm her favourite uncle).<br /><br />Not sure what the answer is as to why some kids go bad right from the get-go and it doesn't seem to matter what the parents try.<br /><br />Hope everything works out for your friends kid and he finally comes to his senses.

 

[QC]

Re: Raising Children

Excellent question about luck. I think some of this stuff is genetics (luck), some environment (more easily conntrolled), some upbringing (which is also environment I guess).<br /><br />Anyway, I have three boys, oldest is 17. He has been zero trouble. I worry most about the middle one (12), has some typical middle kid stuff, doesn't like school and likes to make trouble around the house with his little brother etc. He is also our most loving and despite the school stuff, is very bright and shows some tendencies towards engineering. The little one (9) is more like the oldest, doesn't require much guidance and help with his school stuff. Who knows? Mrs. QC also stays home with the kids.<br /><br />I bet those twins aren't identical? There have been many studies on identical twins that point more towards genetics as determining their outcome than environment.

 

[kenimpzoom]

Re: Raising Children

It has to do with two things:<br /><br />1)Strong or Weak constitution<br />2)Blame yourself or blame others for bad things<br /><br />If you have a weak constitution, and follow the bad people, you will be in trouble.<br /><br />I had a strong constitution and thus I only did things cause I wanted to, not because it was cool.<br /><br />I worry about my son cause he is already trying to follow the leader. One of his friends highlighted his hair, so now he wants it. Its not the fact he wants his hair highlighted, its the fact that he wants to copy his friends. We had a long talk about leaders and followers, hopefully some of it sunk in.<br /><br />Ken

 

[Tyme2fish]

Re: Raising Children

They are identical twins. I never could tell them apart. My boys played with them when they were much much younger. <br />We moved out to the country 17 years ago and I think that was a big factor in how my boys turned into respectful young men. That's my slant on part of it. We don't have livestock or anything like that,but they always had chores and knew what Mom and Dad expected of them.<br />Of course,I always knew with whom my boys were "hanging"

 

[QC]

Re: Raising Children

Originally posted by Tyme2fish:<br /> They are identical twins.

I should've known, studies are usually crapola . . .

 

[jtexas]

Re: Raising Children

KIZ got it right, from my own observation, "blame yourself or blame others"; some just don't understand, they have a lot more control over what happens to 'em than they think they do. <br /><br />Self-respect has something to do with it.<br /><br />One contributing factor: getting a lot of positive attention in the first year or two of life. So you feel like you're worth something.<br /><br />I know of several examples of good families with successful children & grandchildren & so on, with one or two who just get started off down the wrong path.<br /><br />How it happens with twins? who knows.<br /><br />We all know that kids go through a "rebellious" stage; they have to or else they might never leave home. Maybe some just go a little over the edge & can't get back.<br /><br />Maybe the "bad" twin will get his act together & never have another problem.<br /><br />Substance abuse might have something to do with it; some people really are more prone to addictions than others - if they get introduced to something it could literally be beyond their capability to break away without intervention.<br /><br />just my 2¢

 

[Tyme2fish]

Re: Raising Children

Yeh, I think the "bad" twin was into some drugs but not really sure about that. He did hang with the wrong crowd after he graduated from high school

 

[JB]

Re: Raising Children

When my first child was born my Dad sent me a letter about parenting.<br /><br />"Do the best you can to be a good father. <br /><br />Nothing you can do will be good enough to make a bad person turn out good, nor bad enough to make a good person turn out bad. <br /><br />You will have some influence for a short period of time, but in the end their total environment and experience will make them who they will be."<br /><br />Que sera sera.

 

[Kenneth Brown]

Re: Raising Children

You had posted that before JB. I thought it was excellant then as I do now. Thanks for bringing it back.

 

[nothreat]

Re: Raising Children

I have three boys (11,16, and 19) and they are as close to perfect as I could hope for. Much better than I was. My dad always said (and I agree now) that a parent has influence until a child reaches 6 or 8. After that you mostly manage until they grow up. After all is said and done though, it is really the luck of the draw. I grew up with kids who had the same background, same kind of parenting, and same opportunities. Some turned out good, some didn't. Nature vs nuture? Who can know? Just count your blessings when it works.

 

[PW2]

Re: Raising Children

I have two kids. They both turned out great. They have always been, and are today, entirely different people that clearly process information they recieve vastly differently from each other.<br /><br />Although we loved them equally, we consciously treated them differently from each other, as what would work with one had no effect on the other. Why? Who knows?<br /><br />Unfortunately, kids don't come with an instruction manual, and while books can be helpful, there is no one theory that works all the time with all kids.<br /><br />I guess that's what keeps raising kids from being boring

 

[FSHKPR]

Re: Raising Children

jb thanks alot for that, means more to me than you will ever know