SlowlySinking
Master Chief Petty Officer
- Joined
- Oct 31, 2002
- Messages
- 897
On a tour of Texas, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the Gulf of Mexico coastal area for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the sea wall on Galveston Isle in his Pope mobile when suddenly he notices a frantic commotion just off shore. <br /><br />There was John Kerry struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot shark. As the Pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with two men aboard. One of the men, President George W. Bush quickly fired a harpoon into the shark's side while **** Cheney reached out and pulled the bleeding, semi-conscious John Kerry from the water. Then using (autographed Round Rock Express) baseball bats, the two heroes beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat. <br /><br />Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. "I give you my blessings for your brave actions," he told them. "I heard that there was some bitter hatred between President Bush and John Kerry, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is simply not true." <br /><br />As the Pope drove off, President Bush asked **** "Who was that?" "It was the Pope," **** replied. "He's in direct contact with God and has all of God's wisdom." <br /><br />"Well," President Bush said, "he may have access to God's wisdom, but he doesn't know squat about shark fishing................by the way how's the bait holding up?" 
<br /><br /><br />ANNUAL SENIOR CITIZEN TEST<br /><br /><br />It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test. As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert. Below is a way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. So, take the following test and determine if you are losing it or are still "with it." The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you<br />have made your answer.<br />OK, relax, clear your mind and...begin.<br /><br />1.What do you put in a toaster?<br /><br /><br />Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread," go to next question<br /><br />2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?<br /><br /><br />Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even<br />overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as Children's World. If you said "water" then proceed to question 3.<br /><br />3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black<br />house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?<br /><br /><br />Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks,"what are you still doing here reading these questions????? If you said "glass," then go on to Question 4.<br /><br />4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically<br />divided into West Germany and East Germany.) Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last<br />remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany.<br />Where would you bury the survivors?<br />East Germany or West Germany or in "no man's land"?<br /><br /><br />Answer: You don't, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If you said, "Don't bury the survivors", then proceed to the next question.<br /><br />5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In<br />Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get in. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven.<br />What was the name of the bus driver?<br /><br /><br />Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU driving!!<br /><br />Now pass this along to all your "smart friends" and hope they do better than you did.<br /><br />Good Health is the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
<br /><br /><br />ANNUAL SENIOR CITIZEN TEST<br /><br /><br />It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test. As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert. Below is a way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. So, take the following test and determine if you are losing it or are still "with it." The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you<br />have made your answer.<br />OK, relax, clear your mind and...begin.<br /><br />1.What do you put in a toaster?<br /><br /><br />Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread," go to next question<br /><br />2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?<br /><br /><br />Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even<br />overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as Children's World. If you said "water" then proceed to question 3.<br /><br />3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black<br />house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?<br /><br /><br />Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks,"what are you still doing here reading these questions????? If you said "glass," then go on to Question 4.<br /><br />4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically<br />divided into West Germany and East Germany.) Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last<br />remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany.<br />Where would you bury the survivors?<br />East Germany or West Germany or in "no man's land"?<br /><br /><br />Answer: You don't, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If you said, "Don't bury the survivors", then proceed to the next question.<br /><br />5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In<br />Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get in. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven.<br />What was the name of the bus driver?<br /><br /><br />Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU driving!!<br /><br />Now pass this along to all your "smart friends" and hope they do better than you did.<br /><br />Good Health is the slowest possible rate at which one can die. 
