Commander McBraggg
Cadet
- Joined
- Mar 13, 2004
- Messages
- 28
Sound familiar guys????<br /><br />Remember, never shoot the messenger!<br /><br /> 
<br /><br />Male Speech Patterns<br /><br />1. "I can't find it" MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless<br /><br />2. "That's women's work" MEANS: it's difficult, dirty, and thankless<br /><br />3. "Will you Marry me?" MEANS: both of my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there's no peanut butter left.<br /><br />4. "It's a guy thing ..." MEANS: there's no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.<br /><br />5. "Can I help with dinner?" MEANS: Why isn't it already on the table?<br /><br />6. "It would take too long to explain" MEANS: I have no idea how it works.<br /><br />7. "I'm getting more exercise lately" MEANS: The batteries in the remote are dead.<br /><br />8. "We're going to be late." MEANS: I have a legitimate reason for driving like a maniac.<br /><br />9. "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard. MEANS: I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.<br /><br />10. "That's interesting dear." MEANS: are you still talking?<br /><br />11. "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love." MEANS: I forgot our anniversary again<br /><br />12. "You expect too much from me." MEANS: You expect me to stay awake?<br /><br />13. "It's really a good movie." MEANS: It has guns, knives, fast cars, and attractive women.<br /><br />14. "You know how bad my memory is." MEANS: I remember the words to the theme song of F Troop, the address of the first girl I kissed, and the<br />vehicle identification number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.<br /><br />15. "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses." MEANS: the girl selling them on the corner was a real babe<br /><br />16. "Oh, don't fuss, I just cut myself, it's no big deal." MEANS: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before admitting I'm hurt.<br /><br />17. "Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing." MEANS: what did you catch me at?<br /><br />18. "She's one of those rabid feminists." MEANS: she refused to make my coffee.<br /><br />19. "I heard you." MEANS: I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and hope I can fake it well enough, so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me.<br /><br />20. "You know I could never love anyone else." MEANS! : I am used to the way YOU yell at me, and realize it could be worse.<br /><br />21. "You really look terrific in that outfit." MEANS: Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving.<br /><br />22. "I brought you a present." MEANS: It was free ice scraper night at the ball/hockey game.<br /><br />23. "I missed you." MEANS: I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry, and we're out of toilet paper.<br /><br />24. "I'm not lost, I know exactly where we are." MEANS: No one will ever see us alive again.<br /><br />25. "This relationship is getting too serious." MEANS: I like you almost as much as I like my truck.<br /><br />26. "I don't need to read the instructions." MEANS: I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help
<br /><br />Male Speech Patterns<br /><br />1. "I can't find it" MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless<br /><br />2. "That's women's work" MEANS: it's difficult, dirty, and thankless<br /><br />3. "Will you Marry me?" MEANS: both of my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there's no peanut butter left.<br /><br />4. "It's a guy thing ..." MEANS: there's no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.<br /><br />5. "Can I help with dinner?" MEANS: Why isn't it already on the table?<br /><br />6. "It would take too long to explain" MEANS: I have no idea how it works.<br /><br />7. "I'm getting more exercise lately" MEANS: The batteries in the remote are dead.<br /><br />8. "We're going to be late." MEANS: I have a legitimate reason for driving like a maniac.<br /><br />9. "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard. MEANS: I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.<br /><br />10. "That's interesting dear." MEANS: are you still talking?<br /><br />11. "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love." MEANS: I forgot our anniversary again<br /><br />12. "You expect too much from me." MEANS: You expect me to stay awake?<br /><br />13. "It's really a good movie." MEANS: It has guns, knives, fast cars, and attractive women.<br /><br />14. "You know how bad my memory is." MEANS: I remember the words to the theme song of F Troop, the address of the first girl I kissed, and the<br />vehicle identification number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.<br /><br />15. "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses." MEANS: the girl selling them on the corner was a real babe<br /><br />16. "Oh, don't fuss, I just cut myself, it's no big deal." MEANS: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before admitting I'm hurt.<br /><br />17. "Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing." MEANS: what did you catch me at?<br /><br />18. "She's one of those rabid feminists." MEANS: she refused to make my coffee.<br /><br />19. "I heard you." MEANS: I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and hope I can fake it well enough, so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me.<br /><br />20. "You know I could never love anyone else." MEANS! : I am used to the way YOU yell at me, and realize it could be worse.<br /><br />21. "You really look terrific in that outfit." MEANS: Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving.<br /><br />22. "I brought you a present." MEANS: It was free ice scraper night at the ball/hockey game.<br /><br />23. "I missed you." MEANS: I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry, and we're out of toilet paper.<br /><br />24. "I'm not lost, I know exactly where we are." MEANS: No one will ever see us alive again.<br /><br />25. "This relationship is getting too serious." MEANS: I like you almost as much as I like my truck.<br /><br />26. "I don't need to read the instructions." MEANS: I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help
