SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
It was the night before Christmas, when all through the trailer park <br />Not a pop-top was poppin', not even Ole Blue barked. <br />Our stockin's was hung over the space heater with care, <br />In hopes Santy would fill 'em with Viennas and beer. <br /><br />The kids was alseep in their NASCAR pj's, <br />Dreamin' of Goo Goo Clusters, Moon pies, and RC's. <br />And Earlene in her curlers and me in my John Deere cap <br />Had just settled into our La-Z-Boys for Wheel of Fourtune and a nap. <br /><br />Then out in the vacent lot I heard such a commotion <br />I thought it was neighbor Clyde, finally got his T'bird in motion. <br />I heaved out of my recliner and to the window I flew, <br />Busted out the screen and hollered for Blue. <br /><br />The moon was shinin' down on my old wrecked cars <br />So bright they was sparklin' like rusty old stars. <br />And I couldn't believe my own hardworking eyes <br />When a jacked up Ford pickup come flyin' through the sky! <br /><br />Faster'n Ole Ironhead hs possums they came <br />And he whooped and hollered and called 'em by name <br />Git up Sooner! Hi Duke! Move yer tails Yaller and Spud! <br />On Blackie! On Queenie! You mind me Duchess and Bud! <br /><br />To the top of the satellite dish! To the top of the shed! <br />Now move it! Step on it! Y'all get out the lead! <br />You know how, on our road, when a car goes by, <br />There's all this dirt flies up into the sky? <br /><br />That's how this crew went staight on up to my roof <br />With that pickup full of toys, a real nice gun rack, and Redneck Santa too. <br />Then 'fore I could pop my teeth in I heard up on the tin <br />The scrabbling around of them Flying possums of his'n. <br /><br />I yanked my head back in the trailer and hitched up my shorts... <br />Down the dryer vent Redneck Santa came with a grunt and a snort! <br />He was dressed in red-and-green camo from his neck to his feet <br />And I had to give him credit he still had most his teeth. <br /><br />Looked like stuff from Earlene's yard sale slung on his back- <br />There was flyswatters an' Tupperware an' 8-tracks stickin' out of his pack. <br />His eye took in our humble home <br />The furniture we bought on layaway in town... <br /><br />Earline's pride, that Elvis on velvet... <br />My collections of barbed wire... and license plates made by relatives. <br />I coulda' swore I even saw a glistening tear <br />When his eye fell on sweet Earlene, a snorin'in her chair. <br /><br />He kindly favored Hank, Jr., with a big round belly <br />That shook when he laughed like a blob of K-Y jelly. <br />Yep, he was fat all right, blocked out our whole Large screen TV, <br />And I had to laugh when I saw him, 'cause he looked just like me! <br /><br />When he winked his eye I knew fer sure he'd treat us right- <br />Why, he might even leave me some ammo tonight! <br />I stood there dreamin' of whitetail while I watched him work, <br />Then he stopped and, like a real man, let out a fart and a burp. <br /><br />He topped off our stockin's with Moon Pies and bottle rockets, <br />Then squoze up that dryer vent like spam in your pocket. <br />He jumped in his pickup, laid down on the horn...I'm not lying'! <br />And they took off like white lightnin' with their possum tails flyin'. <br /><br />But I heard him holler as headed for the 7-11.... <br />"MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, <br />AND MAY ALL REDNECKS GO TO HEAVEN!"
