SS MAYFLOAT
Admiral
- Joined
- May 17, 2001
- Messages
- 6,372
Dress Code:<br />It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothers, and therefore, you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.<br /><br />Sick Days:<br />We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.<br /><br />Personal Days:<br />Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are call Saturday and Sunday.<br /><br />Bereavement Leave:<br />This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friend, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through you lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.<br /><br />Toilet Use:<br />Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minuet limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alram will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door wil open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the comnpany bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.<br /><br />Lunch Break:<br />Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to dirnk a Slim-Fast.<br /><br /><br />Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggrevations, insinuation, allegations, accusations, contemplations, conternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
