New Warning Labels

[dolluper]

Subject: Something you should know<br /><br /><br />> Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor<br />> <br />> manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following<br />> <br />> warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol<br />> <br />> containers:<br />> <br />> <br />> <br />> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the<br />> hel! happened to your bra.<br />> <br />> <br />> <br />> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are<br />> whispering <br />> when you are not.<br />> <br />> <br />> <br />> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like<br />> a <br />> retard.<br />> <br />> <br />> <br />> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends<br />> <br />> over and over again that you love them.<br />> <br />> <br />> <br />> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can<br />> sing. <br />> <br />> <br />> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that!<br />> <br />> ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the<br />> <br />> morning.<br />> <br />> <br />> <br />> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can<br />> logically <br />> converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.<br />> <br />> <br />> <br />> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have<br />> mystical <br />> Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your a$$ kicked.<br />> <br />> <br />> <br />> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the<br />> <br />> morning and see something really scary.<br />> <br />> <br />> <br />> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you<br />> are <br />> tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.<br />> <br />> <br />> <br />> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are<br />> <br />> invisible or worse bulletproof.<br />> <br />> <br />> <br />> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are<br />> <br />> laughing WITH you.<br />> <br />> <br />> <br />> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the<br />> <br />> time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally<br />> <br />> disappear.<br />>

 

[KaGee]

Re: New Warning Labels

Learned this from experience....'eh?

 

[Razorback Country]

Re: New Warning Labels

Thats to funny. Unfortanantly, I think the warning labels are a little to late for me. I am embarassed to say that I can actually relate to alot of them!!!

 

[Bob_VT]

Re: New Warning Labels

Hmmm... I should probably Post that at the bar at my wedding this weekend. <br /><br />Thanks,<br /><br />Bob

 

[kenimpzoom]

Re: New Warning Labels

What, I can sing good!! <br /><br />Ken

 

[NYMINUTE]

Re: New Warning Labels

Those are classic

 

[jtexas]

Re: New Warning Labels

<br /><br />Alcohol<br /><br />I can make anybody pretty.<br />I can make you believe any lie.<br />I can make you pick a fight with somebody twice your size.<br />Well, I’ve been known to cause a few break-ups,<br />An' I’ve been known to cause a few births.<br />Well, I can make you new friends, or get you fired from work.<br /><br />And since the day I left Milwaukee, <br />Lynchburg an' Bordeaux, France, <br />Been making the bars lots of big money,<br />An' helpin' white people dance.<br />I got you in trouble in High School, <br />But College, now that was a ball. <br />You had some of the best times you’ll never remember with me:<br />Alcohol. <br /><br />I got blamed at your wedding reception,<br />For your best man’s embarrassing speech.<br />And also for those naked pictures of you at the beach.<br />I’ve influenced kings and world leaders,<br />I helped Hemingway write like he did.<br />And I’ll bet you a drink or two, <br />that I can make you put that lampshade on your head.<br /><br />‘Cause since the day I left Milwaukee,<br />Lynchburg and Bordeaux, France,<br />I been making a fool out of folks just like you,<br />An' helping white people dance.<br />I am medicine and I am poison,<br />I can help you up or make you fall.<br />You had some of the best times you’ll never remember with me:<br />Alcohol. <br /><br />

--Brad Paisley

 

[gaugeguy]

Re: New Warning Labels

Originally posted by dolluper:<br />WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your a$$ kicked.<br />

Can't count the number of times I've had to tell drunks "Don't let your John Wayne mouth write a check your Don Knotts body can't cash"

 

[TilliamWe]

Re: New Warning Labels

Great post!<br />Ever hear the song "Get Drunk With Dignity" by Tim Cavanaugh?

 

[dolluper]

Re: New Warning Labels

You say something KaGee HuuuH

 

[Perfidiajoe]

Re: New Warning Labels

Ah come on, Jack Danials, & Jim Beam would never lie to me!............. Would they?