A NEW ELEMENT HAS BEEN DISCOVERED.<br />> ><br />> >The current hurricane mess and the blatantly monopolized gasoline market<br />> >are the hapless laboratories that have proven its existence.<br />> ><br />> >A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the<br />> >heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named<br />> >"Governmentium".<br />> ><br />> >Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy<br />> >neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of<br />> >312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons,<br />which<br />> >are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton like particles called peons.<br />> ><br />> >Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be<br />> >detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into<br />> >contact. Even a minute amount of Governmentium mass causes one reaction<br />to<br />> >take over four days to complete, when this type of reaction would<br />otherwise<br />> >take less than a nanosecond.<br />> ><br />> >Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but<br />> >instead it continually undergoes reorganization in which a portion of the<br />> >assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact,<br />> >Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since<br />reorganization<br />> >will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.<br />> ><br />> >This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe<br />> >that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in<br />> >concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical<br />> >Morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes<br />Administratium -<br />> >an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it<br />has<br />> >half as many peons but twice as many morons.
