Bassy
Lieutenant Commander
- Joined
- Aug 15, 2003
- Messages
- 1,795
THE NEW 2004 CALIFORNIA STATE EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK <br />> <br />> BY "ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER" <br />> <br />> SICK DAYS <br />> We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof <br />> of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you <br />> are able to come to work. <br />> <br />> PERSONAL DAYS <br />> Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. <br />> They are called Saturday & Sunday. <br />> <br />> LUNCH BREAK <br />> Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to <br />> eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size <br />> people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal <br />> to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 <br />> minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed <br />> to drink a Slim Fast. <br />> <br />> DRESS CODE <br />> It is advised that you come to work dressed according <br />> to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada <br />> sneakers, and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you <br />> are doing well financially and therefore you do not <br />> need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn <br />> to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer <br />> clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you <br />> dress in-between, you are right where you need to be <br />> and therefore you do not need a raise. <br />> <br />> BEREAVEMENT LEAVE <br />> This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing <br />> you can do for dead friends, relatives, or co-workers. <br />> Every effort should be made to have non-employees <br />> attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where <br />> employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should <br />> be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to <br />> allow you to work through your lunch hour and <br />> subsequently leave one hour early. <br />> <br />> RESTROOM USE <br />> Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. <br />> There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the <br />> stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will <br />> sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall <br />> door will open and a picture will be taken. After your <br />> second offense, your picture will be posted on the <br />> company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" <br />> category. <br />> <br />> Thank you for your loyalty to our great state. We are <br />> here to provide a positive employment experience. <br />> <br />> THE GOVERNATER 
