My Special Needs Grandson

[SS MAYFLOAT]

My oldest grandson has had problems since birth. His father was on physic drugs during his conception and is the cause of his problems. His legs were deformed, but cured with braces to a point. (His mother didn't think they were much of a fashion statement, so the braces could have corrected his problem 100% according to his doc)<br /><br />His other problem is his vision. He has been legally blind since birth. Numerous operations have helped him see things within a 4 to 5 foot range. Outside of that range all he sees is a blur.<br /><br />Now he is soon to be 15 years old. He is bright, smart, and more with it than his parents give him credit for. With the new technology for corrective surgery, the wife and I have begged and pleaded for our daughter to take him and have him re-examined. She refused to until...............it was requested to update his SSI. Of course she is going to do whatever it takes to keep his SSI. <br /><br />Well, the follow up was just about exactly what the wife and I was praying for. There is a surgeon in town that says with the new tech, that my grandson can have almost 20/20 vision for the first time in his life. That seems like the best news one could want. NOT!<br /><br />His mother and him doesn't want to do the surgery. She says she doesn't want to be the one to approve it. Her reason is that if the surgery went bad and caused complete blindness that she wouldn't be able to handle it. Now she has my grandson all upset to the point he is scared to death to have the surgery. He also says he is scared to see what he hasn't ever experienced. <br /><br />I got to spend a bit of time with him the other day. Had a good discussion with him. Actually I thought I had him talked into it. I told him that he then could hunt, fish, drive, and be able to chase just the pretty girls. I got him all hyped up about it. After he was home a couple of hours, my phone rang. My daughter, his mom preceeded to chew my behind off for putting my nose into their business. I flat told her that is my business as a grandparent to put my nose into their business. Now he is back to declining the surgery. I know this all boils down to money. If he gets his vision, no more SSI. That is something she depends on for income. She is overmedicated (a problem like Rush's) don't want to work, and a husband that has a choker collar with the leash pulled too tight. She sure didn't like the idea of me telling her she needs to get a job.<br /><br />His bio dad has been real good on visitation and always current with his support. He also wants the surgery for his son and is PO'd at his ex for her decesion.<br /><br />Sorry for being long winded, but this whole ordeal has got me worried. I just want what is best for my grandsons health and future. I just want what is right for him. What I want to do (slap the snot out of her) won't cure the problem.

 

[solidwaste]

Re: My Special Needs Grandson

I feel for you I really do. I cant imagine any parent not wanting the best for there child. And only using them for the money. You can do anything to her cause if you get her to mad she wont let you spend time with youre grandson. So then youre really screwed. If you can prove in anyway that she is a unfit parent and can somehow get custidy then you could make the impact and be the guide in this childs life. And from the sounds of it I hope you can cause he needs you. Not to knock youre daughter but I have 3 children 2,6,9 and would give them my eyes if I thought it would help them see the world. Fight for what you can and tell tyoure daughter to be glad that you and youre wife were better parents then she is or who knows what she wouldnt have had. And I wish I could slap her for ya sorry this has gotten me mad know too. Irresponcible parents have know right to be parents..

 

[rodbolt]

Re: My Special Needs Grandson

work with the Bio-dad ,social services and the courts, try to get them onboard for the best intrests of the child. you would be amazed at what can happen if you try.<br />all ya gotta do is convince one judge and the rest is history.

 

[SS MAYFLOAT]

Re: My Special Needs Grandson

Rodbolt, his bio-dad has a 6 yr old girl that has problems as well. Hers is heart related and is in and out of the hospital a lot. He wants to get custody and have more control over his son, but like most guys, its the wife that has the final say so.<br /><br />My grandson has told me that he hates it at home. However, isn't that the norm for a teenager? It won't be long before he is of legal age and can make his own decesions. Its just ashame that he will need to wait a few more years. <br /><br />I'm not giving up, I'm going to keep at it for however long it takes. Good or bad relations at this point has no bearing on what is right.<br /><br />Sorry SOLID, I didn't mean to get you all mad and upset. This just one of those sad situations.<br /><br />I was thinking of a bribe like a car for his 16th birthday would help him see a bit better. Of course I would get grief from the rest of the kids if I did that. You know, "You didn't get me a car".

 

[Holdimhook]

Re: My Special Needs Grandson

Mayfloat, I have no earthshaking solutions to offer you, only empathy. I've seen my share of family conflicts, and the ones that cut the deepest are those involving grandkids. I have felt the combination of frustration, heartbreak, rage, sorrow, and conflict that you are probably feeling at this time. I'm glad that you appear to be looking at things over the long haul. The quick and impulsive solutions are usually the wrong ones that may open up wounds that may take even longer to heal. He needs your presence and influence in his life, so please don't do anything that would result in his losing it. Stay the course and bite your tongue. Remain consistent in voicing your opinion without appearing too meddlesome and preachy. If he has the surgery one or two years from now instead of right away, he still has the rest of his life to reap its benefits. It may not be as good as having it immediately, but it will be far better than not having it at all. Just my $.02. Hope it helps. Feel free to vent anytime.

 

[KaGee]

Re: My Special Needs Grandson

SS, I can relate in a way. My grandson just turned 1 last week. I noticed he seemed to have vision problems 9 months ago. We hounded the parents, but they relied too much on their pediatrician...(bonehead) who was not too concerned. FINALLY we talked my DIL to make an issue and insist he be further checked.<br /><br />Long story short... he now has glasses as both eyes are in the negative. The local specialist is sending him to the University of Michigan in a week for further diagnosis. He has some abnormality with his optical nerves, and the local specialist thinks it's neurological in origin.<br /><br />Keep standing your ground SS... we "old folk" are not as stupid as we look.

 

[Kenneth Brown]

Re: My Special Needs Grandson

I really hate to hear about kids having problems. I hate worse when people do nothing about it. I'll slap her for ya too.

 

[heycods]

Re: My Special Needs Grandson

Im not a whizz on this kinda stuff, but You need coustdy(sp) Work with bio Dad on getting it, is the soloution to me. IMHO Good luck

 

[roscoe]

Re: My Special Needs Grandson

At his age, can't he choose which parent he wants to live with?<br />In most states he could.

 

[PW2]

Re: My Special Needs Grandson

I would contact CPS and see if they can't appoint a Guardian ad litem (usually a lawyer) to represent the child's interests. Not sure if it will achieve what you want, but at least it won't have the same conflict his mother has.<br /><br />FWIW, being blind does not have to mean the end of the world. My daughter became blind at age 5 due to a brain tumor, and she is now a software engineer and working for MS.

 

[SS MAYFLOAT]

Re: My Special Needs Grandson

Thanks everyone, this whole thing just aggrivates me. With yesterday being a nice day (for a change) I had a tree removal job to do, so I called my SIL to help. Afterwards I had my wife get stuff together for a cook out for just the 4 of us. SIL, daughter, wife and me all sat down for dinner. I took an old pair of glasses that I use to wear that is worn out due to daily wear, tear, and scratches. My prescription is strong and usually referenced by the term coke bottle glasses. I told my daughter to wear these just for the duration of our dinner. I explained to her that see needs to experience what her son looks at every minuet of his time when he is awake. <br /><br />She kept taking them off saying "I" don't want to do this, "I" can't^(*&^()< this, "I" &%@%*)$ don't think so, and "I" on everything. My wife said this isn't about "YOU", it is about your son and our grandson's life, NOT YOURS! Now wear the damn glasses. I think my daughter got the point. She sat there with her vision all blurred and finally she started to cry. My daughter speaks out and says she is a bad mother and so on. Then of course we had to comfort her by telling her that she is a loving mother with the wrong priorites. <br /><br />At least my daughter is now thinking about the situation. We explained that only one eye would be done first to see how the benefits would be. Also that it would look better on her part for doing what her son needs. Then she explained about the SSI that they cannot afford for it to be taken away. It became a reality that if she refuses to have the surgery done, that she would be declining the SSI. So she is dang if she does, and dang if she don't. So forget the money, and let her son see normally. Yesterday the wife and I made some progress on the issue. Seems that the power of prayer could be working for us. Thanks again........SS

 

[neumanns]

Re: My Special Needs Grandson

Start putting away $100 dollers a month, when he turn's 18 youll have enoufgh for the surgery. On his birthday have another talk with him and then go on down and get er done!<br /><br />Seem's so simple don't it....Wish it were!<br /><br />Godspeed and good luck...

 

[roscoe]

Re: My Special Needs Grandson

Sounds like you turned a page in this chapter.<br />Keep us posted on the progress and when you start a new chapter in the book.<br /><br />Best of luck.

 

[MYTJC]

Re: My Special Needs Grandson

Like i always said: <br /><br />If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.<br />Happy moments, praise God.<br />Difficult moments, seek God.<br />Quiet moments, worship God.<br />Painful moments, trust God.<br />Every moment, thank God.

 

[txswinner]

Re: My Special Needs Grandson

Child Protective Services is the place to start. You may be forced to spend some money on attorney's but they may provide the help you need. Never let up on this as the child sounds like he has more than vision problems, with parents not willing to help him reach his potential.<br /><br />Work with the bio Dad, pitch in on cost and testify your honest opinion on the needs of your grandchild. Sounds like your relationship with the daughter is over anyway.<br /><br />Good luck and we can all pray for him.

 

[kenimpzoom]

Re: My Special Needs Grandson

Why not do the surgery on one eye only?<br /><br />Ken

 

[heycods]

Re: My Special Needs Grandson

Check with the schriners hospitals, as long as hes under 16 its a freeby, I have got sevral children in there for various things. the Knights Templar has an eye foundation for the same things.

 

[SS MAYFLOAT]

Re: My Special Needs Grandson

Thanks again, it is appreaciated. His surgery and needs will be paid for due to his disability. The money to have it done is not the problem. His mommy loosing his SSI check is her problem. I gotta admit that his mom is in nursing school with my wife also. So she is doing something about her future. But why screw a great future up for him for her needs. Its actually his money, not hers.<br /><br />My wife talked to her last night while giving her a ride to and from school. It is starting to look real promising. His mom is starting to realize that it is looking real bad on her part as just a money thing and not about his ability to see. My wife told her that she needs some compassion and that compassion will do her better in nursing school as well. My daughter is doing it for money while my wife wants to do it to help make peoples lives better.<br /><br />This is what we get when children have children at too early of an age. I still think she needs jack slapped though, or let her husband wear the controlling pants of the family. SIL is from a broken marriage an hasn't had any fathering taught to him. He is use to the woman telling him what to do. <br /><br />I'm hanging in there and pushing a shoving my way to get what is best. I'm always patient and make my moves when I need to. Maybe that is why I usually achieve my goals.<br /><br />Good news is that she is making the appointment to see the surgeon today. Will find out for sure after work tonight.<br /><br />He hasn't ever liked fishing because of his sight. I plan to open a new world up for him this season if his sight is restored to normal. <br /><br />KIZ, they will do one eye at a time starting with the worst one first. Then they wait for all the healing to be done and if all is well, the other will get done.