Dave Abrahamson
Lieutenant
- Joined
- May 8, 2003
- Messages
- 1,497
QUICKIES...<br /><br /><br /> 1. Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was assalted.<br /><br /><br /> 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says<br />"I'll serve you, but<br />don't start anything."<br /><br /> 3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says,<br /> "Sorry we don't serve<br /> food in here."<br /><br /><br /> 4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra<br /><br /><br /> 5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under<br /> his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."<br /><br /><br /> 6. Two aerial antennas meet on a roof, fall in love<br /> get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was brilliant.<br /><br /> 7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the<br /> other: "Does this<br /> taste funny to you?"<br /><br /><br /> 8. Man: "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green<br /> grass of home.<br /> Doctor: "That sounds like "Tom Jones" syndrome."<br /> Man: "Is it common?"<br /> Doctor:" It's not unusual."<br /><br /> 9. Two cows stand next to each other in a field.<br /> Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated<br /> this morning."<br /><br /> "I don't believe you," replies Dolly.<br /><br /> "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.<br /><br /><br /> 10. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only<br /> Glad Wrap shorts.<br /> The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."<br /><br /><br /> 11. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.<br /><br /> One says, "I've lost my electron."<br /> The other says, "Are you sure?"<br /><br /> The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."<br /><br /><br /> 12. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this<br /> bullcrap before.<br /><br /><br /> 13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,<br /> "My dog's cross-eyed,<br /> is there anything you can do for him?"<br /><br /> The vet picks up the dog, examines his eyes, then<br /> checks his teeth.<br /><br /> Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."<br /><br /> "What? Because he's cross-eyed?"<br /><br /> "No, because he's really heavy"<br /><br /><br /> 14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.<br /><br /><br /> 15. I went to a seafood disco rave last week.... and<br /> pulled a mussel.<br /><br /> 16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but<br /> when they lit a fire in<br /> the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you<br /> can't have your kayak<br /> and heat it too.<br /><br /><br /> 17. What do you call a fish with no eyes? .. A fsh
