always hear "the rules" <br />from the female side. <br />Now here are the rules from the male side. <br />These are our rules! <br />Please note... these are all numbered "1" <br />ON PURPOSE! <br /><br />1. Learn to work the toilet seat. <br />You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. <br />We need it up, you need it down. <br />You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. <br />1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon <br />or the changing of the tides. <br />Let it be. <br />1. Shopping is NOT a sport. <br />And no, we are never going to think of it that way. <br />1. Crying is blackmail. <br />1. Ask for what you want. <br />Let us be clear on this one: <br />Subtle hints do not work! <br />Strong hints do not work! <br />Obvious hints do not work! <br />Just say it! <br /><br />1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. <br /><br />1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. <br />That's what we do. <br />Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. <br /><br />1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. <br />See a doctor. <br />1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. <br />In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.. <br />1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. <br />Don't ask us. <br />1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. <br />1. You can either ask us to do something <br />or tell us how you want it done. <br />Not both. <br />If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. <br />1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. <br />1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we. <br />1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. <br />Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. <br />We have no idea what mauve is. <br />1. If it itches, it will be scratched. <br />We do that. <br />1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. <br />We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. <br /><br />1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. <br /><br />1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really. <br /><br />1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. <br /><br />1. You have enough clothes. <br /><br />1. You have too many shoes. <br /><br />1. I am in shape. Round is a shape. <br /><br />1. Thank you for reading this. <br />Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
<br /><br />I just don't wanna be in the dog house 
