DECK SWABBER 58
Lieutenant Commander
- Joined
- Aug 14, 2009
- Messages
- 1,913
Men's Age as Determined by a Trip to Home Depot
You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house- mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job.
Depending on your age you might do the following:
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In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your
teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favourite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. And
you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
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In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt.. Change shoes.
You married A the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair.
Check yourself in the mirror.. Still got it. Add a shot of your favourite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register
is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
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In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing.. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the
hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash
your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want
to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do
more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register
is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
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In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on; wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dog doo-doo in your new sports car.. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The Cutie running the
register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then
you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says,
'I Got Worms .'
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In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog doo-doo
off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You
hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The
girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you
are not sure.
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In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store has
your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog doo-doo on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.
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In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now
you remember you needed to go to Home Depot. Go to Wal-Mart instead and wander
around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think
someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you
at the front door.
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In your 90's & beyond:
What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden?
Where am I? Who am I? Why am I reading this? Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?
You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house- mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job.
Depending on your age you might do the following:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your
teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favourite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. And
you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt.. Change shoes.
You married A the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair.
Check yourself in the mirror.. Still got it. Add a shot of your favourite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register
is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing.. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the
hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash
your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want
to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do
more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register
is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on; wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dog doo-doo in your new sports car.. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The Cutie running the
register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then
you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says,
'I Got Worms .'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog doo-doo
off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You
hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The
girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you
are not sure.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store has
your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog doo-doo on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now
you remember you needed to go to Home Depot. Go to Wal-Mart instead and wander
around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think
someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you
at the front door.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In your 90's & beyond:
What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden?
Where am I? Who am I? Why am I reading this? Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?
When I read the title I feared I would fall further down the list than my years dictate. Sure enough I slid way down. Who the heck wears cologne to home depot or was it Walmart? And my shorts don't have any holes, that I know of......
