Little Johnnys at it again.

Kenneth Brown

Captain
Joined
Feb 3, 2003
Messages
3,481
A teacher in a small Vermont town asks her class how many of them<br />are John Kerry fans. Not really knowing what a John Kerry fan is, but<br />wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except<br />one boy. The teacher asks Little Johnny why he has decided to be different.<br />Johnny says, "I'm not a John Kerry fan." The teacher says, "Why aren't you<br />a John Kerry fan?"<br /><br />Johnny says, "I'm a George Bush fan." The teacher asks why he's a George<br />Bush fan.<br /><br />The boy says, "Well, my mom's a George Bush fan and my dad's a George Bush<br />fan, so that makes me a George Bush fan!" The teacher is kind of angry,<br />because this is Vermont, so she asks, "What if your mom was a moron and <br />your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" <br />Well teacher, I reckon that would make me a John Kerry fan.
 

11 footer

Lieutenant
Joined
Nov 16, 2002
Messages
1,408
Re: Little Johnnys at it again.

The sad part is that the kid is 100%right :D
 

Boomyal

Supreme Mariner
Joined
Aug 16, 2003
Messages
12,072
Re: Little Johnnys at it again.

Now RyanT, that's not very inclusive nor tolerant of you. :D
 

Bassy

Lieutenant Commander
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Aug 15, 2003
Messages
1,795
Re: Little Johnnys at it again.

:) Hee hee.
 

wvit100

Chief Petty Officer
Joined
May 6, 2002
Messages
416
Re: Little Johnnys at it again.

George W. Bush's Intelligence Quiz <br /><br />While visiting England, George W. Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent.<br /><br />"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate." <br /><br />She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?" <br /><br />Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am." <br /><br />"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" <br /><br />"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!" <br /><br />Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me." <br /><br />"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?" <br /><br />"Uh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" <br /><br />Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem. <br /><br />"Now look here Colin Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother, or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you dumb *** ." <br /><br />Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!" And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb *** , It's Tony Blair!"
 

wvit100

Chief Petty Officer
Joined
May 6, 2002
Messages
416
Re: Little Johnnys at it again.

Republicans in Hell <br /><br />While walking down the street one day, a Republican head of state is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. <br /><br />"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."<br /><br />"No problem, just let me in." says the Republican.<br /><br />"Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."<br /><br />"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the Republican head of state.<br /><br />"I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts the Republican to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him, everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. Also present is the Devil (a Republican, too), who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes.<br /><br />They are having such a good time that, before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator<br />rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.<br /><br />"Now it's time to visit Heaven." So 24 hours pass with the Republican head of state joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.<br /><br />"Well then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity."<br /><br />He reflects for a minute, then the head of state answers: "Well, I would never have thought it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell."<br /><br />So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. The Devil comes over to the Republican and lays an arm on his neck.<br /><br />"I don't understand," stammers the Republican head of state. Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.<br /><br />The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us!"
 

JoeW

Senior Chief Petty Officer
Joined
Nov 8, 2003
Messages
664
Re: Little Johnnys at it again.

wvit100,<br />These are recycled. They were originally applied to Al Gore and Jesse Jackson insted of Bush and Helms. I guess they're funny either way.
 
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