- Joined
- May 19, 2001
- Messages
- 26,034
AS YOU CAN SEE, LIFE IS TRULY FULL OF SPLINTERS...<br /><br /><br /> 1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."<br /><br /> 2. Hmmmm bad words in this one so I deleted it!<br /><br /> 3. The difference between the Pope and your boss....the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.<br /><br /> 4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.<br /><br /> 5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.<br /><br /> 6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.<br /><br /> 7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.<br /><br /> 8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.<br /><br /> 9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can<br /><br /> 10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."<br /><br /> 11. I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.<br /><br /> 12. My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on piece of paper. I told him<br />rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I want to<br />bite."<br /><br /> 13. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.<br /><br /> 14. As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way. <br /><br /> 
