RainMan302v8
Cadet
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2004
- Messages
- 23
You know sometimes I get the sudden urge to run around naked. But <br />then I just drink some Windex. It keeps me from streaking. <br /><br />Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even get into my own <br />pants. <br /><br />The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood alcohol <br />content. <br /><br />Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative! <br /><br />I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I <br />said, "Implants?" <br /><br />I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just <br />standing up fast. <br /><br />I have my own little world. But it's OK...they know me here. <br /><br />Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live <br />with. <br /><br />I got a sweater for Christmas...I really wanted a screamer or a <br />moaner. 
<br /><br />If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? <br /><br />I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get <br />elected! <br /><br />The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no <br />trade-in value. <br /><br />There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and dip-chit's. <br /><br />If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, <br />make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand <br />grenades...now THAT'S a message! <br /><br />I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person <br />you want to annoy for the rest of your life. <br /><br />Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley. <br /><br />I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect. <br /><br />I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving <br />me lately! <br /><br />Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days <br />I've stayed alive. <br /><br />If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead <br />rabbits on the highway? <br /><br />How come we choose from just two people to run for President and 50 <br />for Miss America? <br /><br />Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing <br />section in a swimming pool? <br />Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked? <br /><br />Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled. <br /><br />Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom's wise <br />words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
<br /><br />If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? <br /><br />I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get <br />elected! <br /><br />The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no <br />trade-in value. <br /><br />There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and dip-chit's. <br /><br />If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, <br />make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand <br />grenades...now THAT'S a message! <br /><br />I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person <br />you want to annoy for the rest of your life. <br /><br />Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley. <br /><br />I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect. <br /><br />I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving <br />me lately! <br /><br />Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days <br />I've stayed alive. <br /><br />If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead <br />rabbits on the highway? <br /><br />How come we choose from just two people to run for President and 50 <br />for Miss America? <br /><br />Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing <br />section in a swimming pool? <br />Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked? <br /><br />Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled. <br /><br />Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom's wise <br />words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------