Re: Interesting article on Alleged US torture techniques
The LARK Program<br /><br />A concerned person wrote a letter to the White House complaining about the treatment of a captive taken during the Iraqu and Afghanistan wars. <br /><br />Attached is a copy of a letter they received back:<br /><br />The White House <br />1600 Pennsylvania Avenue <br />Washington, D.C. ,20016 <br /><br />Dear Concerned Citizen:<br /><br />Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.<br /><br />Our administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington. You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like you, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short. In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care.<br /><br />Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the humanitarian standards you personally demanded in your letter of admonishment.<br /><br />It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that YOUR standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.<br /><br />Although Ahmed is sociopathic and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these character flaws.<br /><br />Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. He will bite you, given the chance. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling so he can batter understand the American way of life. Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as bare hands, a pencil or nail clippers. We do not suggest that you ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group or school board meeting. He is also an expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.<br /><br />Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters (except sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him, and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that Ahmed will recommend as more appropriate attire. I'm sure they will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the bhurka - over some period of time. Just remind them that it is all part of as you put it, "Americans respecting his culture and his religious beliefs" - that was how you put it?<br /><br />Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you, who are so weel informed and know so much about everything, keep us informed of the proper way for us to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed - and remember...we'll be watching. Good luck!<br /><br />Cordially...Your Buddy,<br /><br />Don Rumsfeld
