SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in<br />addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but<br />I feel good about it.<br /> <br />If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to<br />work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.<br /> <br />I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and<br />the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18<br />hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop,<br />reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was<br />able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of<br />the power source, exactly e*log(pi), of the clocks in<br />the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on<br />the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will<br />be in late, or early.<br /> <br />My stigmata's acting up.<br /> <br />I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking<br />my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up<br />for work. OK?<br /> <br />I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but<br />I know we have that deadline to meet...<br /> <br />I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at<br />the Food Giant.<br /><br />Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit<br />disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So,<br />I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll<br />be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.<br /> <br />Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.<br /> <br />I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally,<br />I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee<br />records may now contain false information.<br /> <br />The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session.<br />He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite<br />things when I am startled.<br /> <br />The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike<br />to the vet.<br /> <br />I prefer to remain an enigma.<br /> <br />My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead<br />and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake<br />through her heart and give her eternal peace. One<br />day should do it.<br /> <br />I can't come to work today because the EPA has<br />determined that my house is completely surrounded<br />by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter<br />transportation.<br /> <br />I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.<br /> <br />I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.<br /> <br />I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is<br />a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.
