How to help when someone refuses "charity"?

[Bubba1235]

We have an older couple a few miles away that are in their sixties and not of good health. They live in a ran down old farm house that I doubt would measure more than 900 Sq. foot and it leaks like a sieve and is heated primarily with wood. they are both on disability with no other source of income so it goes without saying they don't have money to do much at all.

I and neighbors have TRIED to help, things like insulating the house, doing some badly needed repairs and even with supplementing their food, providing fire wood (or better a propane furnace) but, the guy absolutely refuses any sort of what he calls "charity". I respect that, I really do but then there is also the reality that winter is here and we are truly concerned they won't be able to handle it this year. There is even "talk" of getting "officials" involved and having them moved to a home but I'm 100% dead against that idea. (No children to call on, really no family anyone knows of.)

What's a guy to do now? The iBoat members always come up with some good ideas that I didn't think of so your suggestions are more than welcome!!!

 

[Fishing Dude too]

Re: How to help when someone refuses "charity"?

Show up in full force and ask if you can train doing home repair.

 

[rsmitty814]

Re: How to help when someone refuses "charity"?

I think the best thing to do is be there for them. Stop by and bring coffee. Visit to just chat. What ever it takes to make sure they are getting along all right.

 

[MTboatguy]

Re: How to help when someone refuses "charity"?

We had a similar situation happen here where I live, our elderly couple absolutely refused to let us help out, so we brain stormed for a while and came up with a plan to make it a "Loan" and told them as they could they could pay us all back, no fixed payments, so fixed time frame. We talked to them about it and finally made a "Deal" and shook hands on it. We fixed the things that needed to make sure they were comfortable over the winter and dropped wood off every once is a while, he even made a small $20 payment on the "Loan" which of course we used to purchase more wood!

The "deal" has been place about 5 years now, and everybody is still friends and things get taken care of when needed.

Might work for you guys.

Glad to hear there are still people like this in the world, and tis the time of year!

 

[JB]

Re: How to help when someone refuses "charity"?

Find something they can do to "repay" you, like narrate their life stories or tell your kids stories. Everyone has some skill that is valuable to others.

 

[Drowned Rat]

Re: How to help when someone refuses "charity"?

Agree with JB, which is similar to MT's idea. Come to a barter arrangement so they don't feel like they are just taking.

If that doesn't work, do something for them anonymously.

 

[Tim Frank]

Re: How to help when someone refuses "charity"?

Whether or not "officials" is a 4-letter word, it might be worth speaking with them in general terms (i.e. don't ID the couple) to see if they have any programs that might be sell-able....especially if you and your pals are prepared to do some of the behind-the-scenes sweat and even contribute some $$.
If they seem willing and able, only then ask them to get involved.
It is their day-to-day activity and thus they should be proficient at dealing with the resistance you have described.

You'd be still helping out, just filtered by one level of separation.

That's all I've got.

 

[Bob_VT]

Re: How to help when someone refuses "charity"?

Sell them a raffle ticket, and fix the raffle Say a new propane heater or home repairs or a special evening out at a restaurant (and have a cord or two of cut and split wood stacked for them when they return .........

You could dump a truckload of firewood in their driveway late at night as an act of vandalism then help the move it..........

Just make sure everyone is onboard.

 

[Bamaman1]

Re: How to help when someone refuses "charity"?

Our church is often looking for a service project like above. We found a little widow lady in need living on social security.

One year, we tore her roof off and bit off more than we wanted to chew--had to redeck her house prior to putting on shingles.

The next year, her kitchen floor was falling through, and we replumbed the kitchen, rewired that part of the house and tore the kitchen floor out to the dirt--and made all repairs.

But somehow, she actually paid us back for all her repairs even though it wasn't expected. I don't know where she came up with the money. Now, she's a member of our church and is there every time the doors open.

These people are poor, but proud. They don't realize that many of us get good feelings trying to help people live better. And some of our organizations, like churches, have the money to give away. We also have been building a house a year for people down and out and giving them away.

 

[treedancer]

Re: How to help when someone refuses "charity"?

Our church is often looking for a service project like above. We found a little widow lady in need living on social security.

One year, we tore her roof off and bit off more than we wanted to chew--had to redeck her house prior to putting on shingles.

The next year, her kitchen floor was falling through, and we replumbed the kitchen, rewired that part of the house and tore the kitchen floor out to the dirt--and made all repairs.

But somehow, she actually paid us back for all her repairs even though it wasn't expected. I don't know where she came up with the money. Now, she's a member of our church and is there every time the doors open.

These people are poor, but proud. They don't realize that many of us get good feelings trying to help people live better. And some of our organizations, like churches, have the money to give away. We also have been building a house a year for people down and out and giving them away.

What Bamaman1 said.:rockon:

 

[bassman284]

Re: How to help when someone refuses "charity"?

Well, a tough one. I grew up in the 50s in a small town in Iowa, population 18 which included the 9 in my family, and we were all pretty much broke, but kind of getting along. At least nobody would admit if they weren't. It was a farming community and at that time most of the farmers were barely getting by. Our Catholic church was pretty much the center of the community and I remember knowing of a couple of occasions where folks tried to work through the church to help out members having particular hard times. At least one case resulted in the recipients becoming furious and refusing any "charity". I know in both cases, the people were pretty upset that anyone thought they needed help.

Bubba, I know my county is nowhere as rural as yours, but it has a large area of rural, and rural folks tend to be unwilling to admit the need for help. You know, charity is for poor people and they're not poor.

i really don't have much beyond a couple of the suggestions above except for this - if there is someone in the community who knows them well or has the status just to walk up to them and say, "Cut the crap, we are going to do this." I have actually seen that work. Otherwise, as I said, a tough one.

 

[southkogs]

Re: How to help when someone refuses "charity"?

Bubba: maybe you and the neighbors could host a few "guys fix stuff" type "parties" and invite the older couple.

Today we're helping Fred prune his trees, next week we're helping Bob fix his back door and then the following week the party could be at their place … then they're part of helpin' everyone else too, y'know?

Maybe if they feel like they've been able to contribute elsewhere a little bit, they'd loosen up about y'all helping them out more.

 

[southkogs]

Re: How to help when someone refuses "charity"?

Bravo Bubba.

 

[bassman284]

Re: How to help when someone refuses "charity"?

Wow. Strange how things work out sometimes.

 

[gm280]

Re: How to help when someone refuses "charity"?

Odd how things work out sometimes. I had a similar situation once back in my hunting days and we supplied an old man with a huge load of cut and conveniently stacked easy to use firewood, his only ability to heat his very very small house. Of course we had to make it look like we simply cut too much and didn't want it to go to waste. But it did work... Did the same thing with some processed, wrapped and marked deer meat as well. Hunters always have more deer then they can consume most of the time. You have to do those things sometimes to get folks to accept help. To bad there are not more folks that think that way these days...

 

[Summer Fun]

Re: How to help when someone refuses "charity"?

Sounds like theres a lot great/good people in your town.

May you all have.... A Great Thanksgiving.

 

[Bob_VT]

Re: How to help when someone refuses "charity"?

Bubba.... I remember this thread http://forums.iboats.com/dockside-chat/i-feel-great-community-christmas-effort-453176.html and I have full confidence that you will make this charity happen.

I wonder if you can get that family to help persuade the recipients?

For those who need some inspiration read that thread.

 

[Summer Fun]

Re: How to help when someone refuses "charity"?

I remember that thread. Bubba sure does have a big heart when it comes to others in need. .