Hmmm ok

[Tail_Gunner]

A mature (over 70) lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman : Is there a problem, Officer? Officer : Ma'am, you were speeding. Older Woman : Oh, I see. Officer : Can I see your license please? Older Woman : I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Officer : Don't have one? Older Woman : Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. Officer : I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Older Woman : I can't do that. Officer : Why not? Older Woman : I stole this car. Officer : Stole it? Older Woman : Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer : You what? Older Woman : His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2 : Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Older woman : Is there a problem sir? Officer 2 : One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Older Woman : Murdered the owner? Officer 2 : Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2 : Is this your car, ma'am? Older Woman : Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned. Officer 2 : One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer 2 : Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Older Woman : Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too. ​

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[Twidget]

LOL, I love it.

 

[Twidget]

A police officer was on stake out one night for drunk drivers at the local bar.

Shortly after the bar closed a man stumbled out, tried his key in several cars, finally he found a car. Upon entering it, he passed out. While this was going on, all of the patrons of the bar drove off. Shortly after the last car left the parking lot, the man awoke, started his car and exited the parking lot.

The officer promptly pulled him over and gave him a sobriety test which he passed with flying colors. The officer asked the driver about his behavior. The drivers response... 'Im the designated decoy'.