Headlines from the year 2029!

K Hultgre · Jun 13, 2005

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh > largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formally known as > California. > > > White minorities still trying to have English recognized as > Mexifornia's third language. > > > Baby conceived naturally - - scientists stumped. > > > Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage. > > > Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 > more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. > > > France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. > > > Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported > legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. > > > George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036. > > > Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces > mail delivery to Wednesdays only. > > > 85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight > loss. > > > Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs. > > > Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter > speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. ( I just > sent it. I didn't write it!) > > > Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative. > > > Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil > rights. > > > Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches. > > > New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly > swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036. > > > Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political > contributions to campaign accounts. > > > Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman. > > > IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent. > > > Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.