This is important to anyone who works on their own cars. Please note that this also applys to Chiltons manuals.<br /><br /><br />Haynes manual translated:<br /><br />Haynes: This is a snug fit.<br />Translation: You will skin your knuckles!<br /><br />Haynes: This is a tight fit. Translation: Not a hope in h e double hockey stick!<br /><br />Haynes: As described in Chapter 7...<br />Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start,now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox.<br /><br />Haynes: Pry... <br />Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into...<br /><br />Haynes: Undo...<br />Translation: Go buy a carton of WD40.<br /><br />Haynes: Retain tiny spring...<br />Translation: "Jeez what was that, it nearly had my eye out"!<br /><br />Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb...<br />Translation: OK - that's the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to dig out the bayonet part.<br /><br />Haynes: Lightly...<br />Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are throbbing them re-check the manual because this can not <br />be 'lightly' what you are doing now.<br /><br />Haynes: Weekly checks...<br />Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it!<br /><br />Haynes: Routine maintenance...<br />Translation: If it isn't broken... it's about to be!<br /><br />Haynes: One spanner rating.<br />Translation: Your Mom could do this... so how did you manage to botch it up?<br /><br />Haynes: Two spanner rating.<br />Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low, tiny, little number... but you also thought the wiring<br />diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have been more use to you).<br /><br />Haynes: Three spanner rating.<br />Translation: But Nova's are easy to maintain right...right? So you think three Nova spanners has got to be like a 'regular<br />car' two spanner job.<br /><br />Haynes: Four spanner rating.<br />Translation: You are seriously considering this aren't you, you pleb!<br /><br />Haynes: Five spanner rating.<br />Translation: OK - but don't expect us to ride in it afterwards!!!<br /><br />Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this...<br />Translation:hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahaha!!!!<br /><br />Haynes: Compress...<br />Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear at,throw at the garage wall, then search in the dark corner<br />of the garage for it whilst muttering "sumanabeech" repeatedly under your breath.<br /><br />Haynes: Inspect...<br />Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are looking<br />at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife"Yep, as I thought, it's going to need a new one"<br /><br />Haynes: Carefully......<br />Translation: You are about to cut yourself!<br /><br />Haynes: Retaining nut...<br />Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust.<br /><br />Haynes: Get an assistant.......<br />Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.<br /><br />Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark pugs removed.<br />Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder.Once that sinking pit of your stomach feeling has subsided, you can<br />start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs.<br /><br />Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.<br />Translation: But you swear in different places.<br /><br />Haynes: Pry away plastic locating pegs...<br />Translation: Snap off...<br /><br />Haynes: Using a suitable drift...<br />Translation: The biggest nail in your tool box isn't a suitable drift!<br /><br />Haynes: Everyday tool kit<br />Translation: Ensure you have an RAC Card & Mobile Phone<br /><br />Haynes: Apply moderate heat<br />Translation: Placing your mouth near it and huffing isn't moderate heat.<br /><br />Haynes: Index<br />Translation: List of all the things in the book except the thing you want to do!
<br /><br />I hate the stupid manual, they always ack like it is an easy job.<br /><br />Plus they always say, "use special tool #XXXX". I say, if I could afford this stupid expensive tool, I wouldnt be looking in the manual, I would take it to a pro. 
