Someone just passed these around at work...I couldn't resist posting them so here goes..(and no one better take any of them personally...all in good fun! 
)<br /><br />A woman gets home, screeches her car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of her lungs,<br />"Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"<br /> <br /> The husband says, 'Oh my God! What should I pack,<br /> beach stuff or mountain stuff?"<br /> <br />"Doesn't matter," she says. "Just get the hell out."<br /> <br />*************<br /> <br /> <br /> The worst airline disaster in Poland 's history<br /> occurred today when a two-seater Cessna crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon. Rescue workers have so far uncovered 826 bodies and expect to find more as the digging continues.<br /> <br />**************<br /> <br />A young man was sitting in class when the professor<br />asked him if he knew what the Roe vs. Wade decision was. He sat quietly, pondering this very profound question. <br /> <br />Finally, after giving it a lot of thought, he sighed and said, "I think this was the decision George Washington made prior to crossing the Delaware."<br /> <br />***************<br /> <br />A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day ... 30,000 to a man's<br />15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be<br />because a woman has to say everything twice. The<br />husband then turned to his wife and asked, " What?"<br /><br />***************<br /><br />THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE: 1) You believe in Santa<br />Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus 4) You look like Santa Claus...<br /><br />**************<br /><br />The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.<br /><br />************** <br /> <br />Two Arabs are chatting. One of them has his wallet out and is flipping through pictures. Proudly, he pulls two out to show his friend. "This is my oldest son. He's a martyr. And here is my second son. He's a martyr, too." <br /> <br />There's a pause, and the second Arab<br />says wistfully, "Ah, they blow up so fast, don't they?"<br /> <br />*******************<br /> <br />A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the wife asked sarcastically,<br /><br />"Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "in-laws."<br /><br />*****************<br /> <br />Two reasons why it is nearly impossible to solve a redneck murder:<br /> 1. All the DNA is the same. <br /> 2. There are no dental records.<br /><br />Ah...Poland's plane crash....I love that one! <br /><br />Have a good one everyone!
)<br /><br />A woman gets home, screeches her car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of her lungs,<br />"Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"<br /> <br /> The husband says, 'Oh my God! What should I pack,<br /> beach stuff or mountain stuff?"<br /> <br />"Doesn't matter," she says. "Just get the hell out."<br /> <br />*************<br /> <br /> <br /> The worst airline disaster in Poland 's history<br /> occurred today when a two-seater Cessna crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon. Rescue workers have so far uncovered 826 bodies and expect to find more as the digging continues.<br /> <br />**************<br /> <br />A young man was sitting in class when the professor<br />asked him if he knew what the Roe vs. Wade decision was. He sat quietly, pondering this very profound question. <br /> <br />Finally, after giving it a lot of thought, he sighed and said, "I think this was the decision George Washington made prior to crossing the Delaware."<br /> <br />***************<br /> <br />A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day ... 30,000 to a man's<br />15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be<br />because a woman has to say everything twice. The<br />husband then turned to his wife and asked, " What?"<br /><br />***************<br /><br />THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE: 1) You believe in Santa<br />Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus 4) You look like Santa Claus...<br /><br />**************<br /><br />The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.<br /><br />************** <br /> <br />Two Arabs are chatting. One of them has his wallet out and is flipping through pictures. Proudly, he pulls two out to show his friend. "This is my oldest son. He's a martyr. And here is my second son. He's a martyr, too." <br /> <br />There's a pause, and the second Arab<br />says wistfully, "Ah, they blow up so fast, don't they?"<br /> <br />*******************<br /> <br />A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the wife asked sarcastically,<br /><br />"Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "in-laws."<br /><br />*****************<br /> <br />Two reasons why it is nearly impossible to solve a redneck murder:<br /> 1. All the DNA is the same. <br /> 2. There are no dental records.<br /><br />Ah...Poland's plane crash....I love that one! <br /><br />Have a good one everyone!
