Kenneth Brown
Captain
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2003
- Messages
- 3,481
How many men does it take to open a beer? <br />None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. <br /><br />Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a <br />woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a <br />washing machine will probably never be able to support you. <br /><br />Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of <br />those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand <br />closer to the kitchen sink. <br /><br />How do you know when a woman is about to say something <br />smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me." <br /><br />How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a <br />clock on the oven. <br /><br />If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife <br />is yelling at the front door, whom do you let in <br />first? The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. <br /><br />What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? <br />A woman that won't do what she's told. <br /><br />I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first <br />name was Always. <br /><br />I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't <br />like to interrupt her. <br /><br />What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her <br />intelligence? Divorced. Scientists have discovered a food that <br />diminishes a <br />woman's sex drive by 90%. It is called Wedding Cake. <br /><br />Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding <br />Ring, Suffering. <br /><br />Our last fight was my fault. My wife asked me "What's <br />on the TV?" I said,"Dust!" <br /><br />In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. <br />Then God created Man and rested. Then God created <br />Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested. <br /><br />Why do men die before their wives? They want to. <br /><br />A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on <br />Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything in <br />four days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish <br />I had your willpower." <br /><br />Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some <br />parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he <br />marries her?" Dad: "That happens in every country, son." <br /><br />A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: <br />"Wife Wanted.." The next day he received a hundred <br />letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." <br /><br />The most effective way to remember your wife's <br />birthday? Forget it once. <br /><br />Women will never be equal to men until: They can walk <br />down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and <br />still think they are beautiful. <br /><br />Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't? <br />Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they <br />want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see <br />nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.
<br /><br />That phrase, of course, is liberal speak for any one who has a strong opinion of right and wrong or believes in any form of 'tough love'.
