Female Humor (C&P)

kenimpzoom

Rear Admiral
Joined
Jul 13, 2002
Messages
4,807
My mom sent me these, I like the prayer. :D <br /><br />There was once a man and woman who had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything.<br /><br />They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about it. For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick<br /><br />And the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.<br /><br />She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. <br /><br />When he opened it, he found two crocheted doilies and a stack of money, totaling $25,000. He asked her about the contents.<br /><br /> "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doily."<br /><br />The little old man was so moved, he had to fight back tears. Only two precious doilies were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst into tears.<br /><br />He asked where did the money come from, "Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the doilies."<br /><br /> <br /><br /> ******************************************<br /><br />A Prayer:<br /><br /> <br /><br />Dear Lord:<br /><br />I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him;<br /><br />And Patience for his moods;<br /><br />Because Lord if I pray for Strength<br /><br />I'll beat him to death.<br /><br /> Amen.
 

LadyFish

Admiral
Joined
Mar 18, 2003
Messages
6,894
Re: Female Humor (C&P)

6.gif
love em.
 

Bassy

Lieutenant Commander
Joined
Aug 15, 2003
Messages
1,795
Re: Female Humor (C&P)

:D :D Thank you so much! I loved them!
 

Reel Poor

Vice Admiral
Joined
Jan 29, 2005
Messages
5,522
Re: Female Humor (C&P)

And all the people in the forum said.........<br /><br />AW-MAN ;)
 

nightlight_4

Recruit
Joined
Apr 12, 2005
Messages
2
Re: Female Humor (C&P)

Beautiful poem. This is also the prayer in my heart to love, be patient, humbled to my husband
 

Bass Man Bruce

Lieutenant
Joined
Jul 9, 2004
Messages
1,378
Re: Female Humor (C&P)

Welcome to Iboats KimSeaFox and nightlight_4<br /> :D Those were pretty good KZP.
 

Kenneth Brown

Captain
Joined
Feb 3, 2003
Messages
3,481
Re: Female Humor (C&P)

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST<br />She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.<br />Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.<br />Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.<br />Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.<br />And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.<br /><br />WOMEN'S REVENGE<br />"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished<br />to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control<br />for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV<br />remote?" I asked.<br />"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,<br />and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."<br /><br />UNDERSTANDING WOMEN<br />(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)<br />I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you<br />can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair<br />out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.<br /><br />MARRIAGE SEMINAR<br />While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and<br />his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that<br />husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."<br />He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"<br />Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's<br />Pillsbury, isn't it?<br />The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here.<br /><br />CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS<br />A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The<br />sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that<br />he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down<br />the correct aisle.<br />A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton b! alls and a ball<br />of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were<br />looking for some tampons for your wife?<br />He answers, "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the<br />store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of<br />tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much<br />cheaper.<br /><br />So, I figure if I have to roll my own............. so does she.<br />(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)<br /><br />WIFE VS. HUSBAND<br />A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.<br />An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted<br />to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,<br />and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"<br />"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."<br /><br />WORDS<br />A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a<br />day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.<br />The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat<br />everything to men...<br />The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"<br /><br />CREATION<br />A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid<br />and so beautiful all at the same time.<br />"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you<br />would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to<br />you!<br /><br />WHO DOES WHAT<br />A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the<br />coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get<br />up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."<br />The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you<br />should do it, because that is your job, and I ! can just wait for my<br />coffee."<br />Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible<br />that the man should do the coffee."<br />Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."<br />So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him<br />at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.......... "HEBREWS"
 
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