Re: Female Humor (C&P)
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST<br />She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.<br />Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.<br />Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.<br />Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.<br />And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.<br /><br />WOMEN'S REVENGE<br />"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished<br />to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control<br />for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV<br />remote?" I asked.<br />"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,<br />and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."<br /><br />UNDERSTANDING WOMEN<br />(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)<br />I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you<br />can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair<br />out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.<br /><br />MARRIAGE SEMINAR<br />While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and<br />his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that<br />husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."<br />He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"<br />Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's<br />Pillsbury, isn't it?<br />The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here.<br /><br />CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS<br />A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The<br />sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that<br />he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down<br />the correct aisle.<br />A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton b! alls and a ball<br />of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were<br />looking for some tampons for your wife?<br />He answers, "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the<br />store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of<br />tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much<br />cheaper.<br /><br />So, I figure if I have to roll my own............. so does she.<br />(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)<br /><br />WIFE VS. HUSBAND<br />A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.<br />An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted<br />to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,<br />and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"<br />"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."<br /><br />WORDS<br />A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a<br />day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.<br />The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat<br />everything to men...<br />The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"<br /><br />CREATION<br />A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid<br />and so beautiful all at the same time.<br />"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you<br />would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to<br />you!<br /><br />WHO DOES WHAT<br />A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the<br />coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get<br />up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."<br />The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you<br />should do it, because that is your job, and I ! can just wait for my<br />coffee."<br />Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible<br />that the man should do the coffee."<br />Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."<br />So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him<br />at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.......... "HEBREWS"