RainMan302v8
Cadet
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2004
- Messages
- 23
A cute young woman was giving a manicure to a man in the<br />barber shop. The man said, "How about a date later?"<br /><br />"I'm married," she answered.<br /><br />With a wink he said, "So, just tell him you're going out<br />with your girlfriends."<br /><br />"Tell him yourself," she said, "he's shaving you."<br /><br />********************************<br /><br />A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a<br />room to meet with his former accountant.<br /><br />The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where is the 3 million bucks<br />you embezzled from me?" The accountant does not answer.<br /><br />The Godfather asks again, "Where is the 3 million bucks you<br />embezzled from me?"<br /><br />The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot<br />understand you, but I can interpret for you."<br /><br />The Godfather says, "Well ask him where my damm money is!" The<br />attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3<br />million dollars is.<br /><br />The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you are talking<br />about."<br /><br />The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn't know what<br />you are talking about."<br /><br />The Godfather pulls out a 9 millimeter pistol, puts it to the<br />temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him<br />again where my **** money is!"<br /><br />The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where<br />it is!"<br /><br />The accountant signs back, "OK! OK! OK! The money is hidden in<br />a brown suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!"<br /><br />The Godfather says, "Well....what did he say?"<br /><br />The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says...go to hell...<br />...that you don't have the guts to pull the trigger." 
<br /><br />********************************<br /><br />Once I was sick and I had to go to an ear, nose, and throat<br />man to get well. There are ear doctors, nose doctors, throat<br />doctors, gynecologists, proctologists, any place you got a hole,<br />there's a guy who specializes in your hole. They make an entire<br />career out of that hole. And if the ear doctor, nose doctor,<br />throat doctor, gynecologist, or proctologist can't help you,<br />he sends you to a surgeon. Why? So he can make a new hole!<br /><br />**********************************'<br /><br />The local United Way received nothing from the city's most<br />successful lawyer.<br /><br />Irritated, the administrator phoned him. "We know you do<br />very well, and yet you've not given a dime to this charity."<br /><br />"Do you also know about my mother's exorbitant medical bills?"<br />the lawyer asked.<br /><br />"No I didn't," said the administrator.<br /><br />"Or that my brother is blind and in a wheelchair?"<br /><br />"I-I didn't realize..."<br /><br />"Or that my sister's husband died, leaving her penniless with<br />three children?"<br /><br />"I'm sorry," the solicitor said. "I had no idea
"<br /><br />"Well," said the lawyer, "I don't give money to them. Why<br />should I give you any?"<br /><br />
<br /><br />********************************<br /><br />Once I was sick and I had to go to an ear, nose, and throat<br />man to get well. There are ear doctors, nose doctors, throat<br />doctors, gynecologists, proctologists, any place you got a hole,<br />there's a guy who specializes in your hole. They make an entire<br />career out of that hole. And if the ear doctor, nose doctor,<br />throat doctor, gynecologist, or proctologist can't help you,<br />he sends you to a surgeon. Why? So he can make a new hole!<br /><br />**********************************'<br /><br />The local United Way received nothing from the city's most<br />successful lawyer.<br /><br />Irritated, the administrator phoned him. "We know you do<br />very well, and yet you've not given a dime to this charity."<br /><br />"Do you also know about my mother's exorbitant medical bills?"<br />the lawyer asked.<br /><br />"No I didn't," said the administrator.<br /><br />"Or that my brother is blind and in a wheelchair?"<br /><br />"I-I didn't realize..."<br /><br />"Or that my sister's husband died, leaving her penniless with<br />three children?"<br /><br />"I'm sorry," the solicitor said. "I had no idea
"<br /><br />"Well," said the lawyer, "I don't give money to them. Why<br />should I give you any?"<br /><br />