ATTENTION!!! Do not read this while drinking over the key board.

[rbh]

These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the

one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new.

They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth

certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because

that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means

I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think

it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do

that again or I'll give you another ticket."
9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are

drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC."

( National Crime Information Center )
13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now

we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend

of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....
16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right,

we don't. Sign here."

 

[scottmm73]

Re: ATTENTION!!! Do not read this while drinking over the key board.

Yeah, that last one is a winner. LOL.

 

[mommicked]

Re: ATTENTION!!! Do not read this while drinking over the key board.

A friend of mines handsome brother in law is a Trooper and he told him that for some reason? alot of the pretty and/or "gifted" women he pulls over seem to have " wardrobe malfunctions " when he approaches their pulled vehicle. It happens so much that it does'nt phase him anymore. He claims this activity has never influenced his handleing of the situation and treats them as anyone else he stops..................... they still get tickets if they deserve one.

 

[ehenry]

Re: ATTENTION!!! Do not read this while drinking over the key board.

Didnt yall know that when troopers graduate from the academy they get a laminated copy of the "Smart A $ $ Reply" card. They have memorize it and test on it before they can receive their certification.

 

[marcoalza]

Re: ATTENTION!!! Do not read this while drinking over the key board.

A police motorcycle officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light.
The driver is a real bar steward, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!
So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual
orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.
The tirade goes on without the officer saying a dickybird.
When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to the 'violator' for his signature.
The bloke signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.
The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an arsehole."
Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record and he has a heap of points and is in danger of losing his licence, so he hired a barrister to represent him.
On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light.
Under cross examination the barrister for the defence asks;"Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?"
The police officer replies: "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."
Barrister: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?"
"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined."
"What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"
"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."
"Aggressive and hostile?"
"Yes, Sir.?
"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for arsehole?"
?Well, sir, you know your client better than I do.?

~~~~How often can one get a lawyer to convict his own client~~~~