Alcohol Troubleshooting
SYMPTOM <br /> FAULT <br /> ACTION<br /> <br />Feet cold and wet.<br /> Glass being held at incorrect angle.<br /> Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.<br /> <br />Feet warm and wet.<br /> Improper bladder control.<br /> Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.<br /> <br />Drink unusually pale and tasteless.<br /> Glass empty.<br /> Get someone to buy you another drink.<br /> <br />Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.<br /> You have fallen over backward.<br /> Have yourself leashed to bar.<br /> <br />Mouth contains cigarette butts.<br /> You have fallen forward.<br /> See above.<br /> <br />Alcohol tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.<br /> Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.<br /> Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.<br /> <br />Floor blurred.<br /> You are looking through bottom of empty glass.<br /> Get someone to buy you another drink. <br /> <br />Floor moving.<br /> You are being carried out.<br /> Find out if you are being taken to another bar.<br /> <br />Room seems unusually dark.<br /> Bar has closed..<br /> Confirm home address with bartender. <br /> <br />Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.<br /> Alcohol consumption has exceeded personal limitations.<br /> Cover mouth.<br /> <br />Everyone looks up to you and smiles.<br /> You are dancing on the table.<br /> Fall on somebody cushy-looking.<br /> <br />Drink is crystal-clear.<br /> It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.<br /> Punch him. <br /> <br />Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.<br /> You have been in a fight.<br /> Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.<br /> <br />Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.<br /> You've wandered into the wrong party.<br /> See if they have free alcohol.<br /> <br />Your singing sounds distorted.<br /> The drink is too weak.<br /> Have more alcohol until your voice improves.<br /> <br />Don't remember the words to the song.<br /> Drink is just right.<br /> Play air guitar.
<br /><br />Ken
