Aimed at us guys near 60

[eastont]

I just had a long conversation with the lady that "cleans" our house every 2 weeks. I have put it in quotes because she does an awful job, but my wife will not fire her.
She is in her mid 60's, on a government pension and her husband is in a nursing home with Alzheimer's. She goes every day to see him and as the disease progresses, he has no idea who she is most of the time, and the times when he does, he's angry at her for not taking him home with her back to the farm.
Today we were talking about the coyote problem around here and I mentioned a story about a friend who offered me a shotgun if I needed to shot a few of them, which I turned down. Her eyes got wet and she said, If your friend still has the gun I might want it.....I laughed and reminded her that she is now in an apartment downtown so the coyotes are not a problem. She said NO! I want it to shot either me or Warren, her husband, I can't keep doing this much longer.

So.....here is where this post is going. I am in my late 50's with many health issues. From a lower back/nerve problem that affects my ability to walk some days, to a heart issue, and lately big time memory problems....most likely from medication.

I watched my mother suffer in a long term nursing care facility, and every time I saw her she would ask me for the magic pill that would take her away from this life. she hated every minute she was alive there. She was in great health, for a woman in her 80's, until she developed a calcium type growth on her upper spine, that made her hands useless. The doctors operated but said they could stop the progression, but not revert the problem.

So....what do you think. I would like a magic pill so as not to; A) be a drain on the system, B) go out when I felt the time was right, and C) take the pressure off all those who felt the need to come and visit.

After typing all this, with just one hand, I wonder how long it will last before it's deemed too political.

 

[robert graham]

Re: Aimed at us guys near 60

That's a tough question that only you can answer. Guess lots of folks get to feeling that way, like my brother-in-law who died of Parkinsons and my mother-in-law who died or Alzheimers, my brother who burned up in a gasoline fire, etc.,etc. Pray a lot and hang in as long as you can!

 

[1980Coronado]

Re: Aimed at us guys near 60

Brother, my faith affirms the sanctity of human life and recognizes that the Lord who gives life also decides when it ends, this side of glory. My faith also recognizes the reality of human suffering; and respects the individual's right to refuse treatment or to forbid life-support systems and to be allowed to die. However, refusing treatment is not the same as become the agent of death via the magic pill.

There will be pain and suffering this side of Glory. We live in the fallen world. Suffering and depression are opportunities for helping, healing, encouragement, and hope through the Gospel. Put it in God's hands my friend.

 

[Bob_VT]

Re: Aimed at us guys near 60

I lost my first wife to a horrible disease. Multiple Sclerosis. It went through her body like wild fire, first she became crippled and wheelchair bound, then totally lost her vision, lost many of her brain functions, then her upper body stopped responding, her kidneys failed...... nursing homes for the last 5 years of her life. She had gone through hell and so did I. It completely drained our bank accounts and our life savings. There is not a day that goes past where I do not miss her.

Would I do it all again....... Yes. Would I give anything for just one more day with her........ Yes.

During her period of illness, Dr. Jack Kevorkian was headlined quite often and the majority of his "patients" were people who suffered from MS My wife really wanted to take that route.... however easy it seemed, it was not the way to go. I am not a fan of people entertaining the notion of assisted "end of life".

The absolute toughest part of being the primary caregiver is taking it the hardest. That person takes all the grief and has the hardest job.

Solutions/Advice? Prayer and someone to talk to. Finding a person to talk to always sounds easy but, I found it more comforting and educational to speak with people who have been through a similar situation. As an example ...... I can talk with anyone who has lost a spouse or a parent because I have been down those roads. No one really understands unless they have been there. There are other iboats member's who have been down those horrible roads and they will tell you the same thing.

That woman needs the assistance of someone who has been down the road. Yes, professional's are okay but real life experience is worth more.

Don't get that woman a gun, get her a hug and hopefully help her find the "right type" person to talk to. After her Husband passes away she, will recover.

Doctor's "practice medicine" and I really believe it is all practice. I learned never to take anything for granted.

You let that lady know she is in my prayer's and Gob bless her for her dedication ans support.

 

[Fly Rod]

Re: Aimed at us guys near 60

For some people Death no matter if natural or assisted suicide is a hard topic to discuss. My own opinion would not be suicide and I have never thought about it. I have been dying since 2007, had been given 1-2 years to live but, medication keeps me alive and I have out lived my due date. I have pulmonary hypertension. I was very energetic. Hopefully I can go out with the big one instead of waiting for my lungs to strangle me.

Only wrote the above to show that a non healthy person is writing this. I need no sympathy.

It is your body, life and you are the only person that knows how much pain you are going through.
To me suicide is out.

If you are interested there are three places that legalize suicide Netherlands, Switzerland and Belgium. One of these places charge 10,000 bucks or more, they put you in a motel room leave a small bottle on on the coffee table and you drink the bottle whenever you get up the courage to commit suicide.

 

[scipper77]

Re: Aimed at us guys near 60

Having watched my uncle recently loose a battle with cancer I learned something about cancer. It's not the fact that you are going to die that is so horrible, It's the long and drawn out suffering that terrifies me. That man I found out was 10 times the man that I am. He fought for 7 years with an original prognosis of 6 months to live. He went into remission at least twice but in the end new tumors kept growing. I honestly don't think I could have endured what he did or maintained my will to live for as long as he did.

To the OP, cheer up it could be MUCH worse.

 

[Cofe]

Re: Aimed at us guys near 60

Nowhere in the marriage contract (vows) do I read anything about
?I will love you until a time where you or I get sick or old enough, and then do you or myself in or both.?
This is pure selfishness and nothing less.
A marriage contract is binding between your mate, yourself, and God.
If a person takes maters into his own hands, their conscience will never be at rest. And that can last for eternity.

Encourage and help each other, because we are only human.

My wife and I discussed matters like this in depth after she had watched her previous husband die from cancer. She has told me she thought of doing some things that were previously mentioned in this thread. She is glad today that she didn?t, and her previous vows were firm and upheld. She is so glad to have a free conscience, and now realizes what consequences could have been.

 

[avenger79]

Re: Aimed at us guys near 60

i think everyone has to make that choice on their own. for me if I'm a burden, I'm out. if it is at all possible for me to control that destiny I will.

hopefully I won't have to make that choice at 60 though. i'm thinking 90ish.

 

[sasto]

Re: Aimed at us guys near 60

Hi eastont, I feel your pain, as well as the cleaning lady. My Mother fought lymphoma cancer for 5 years before giving up the fight. I prayed everyday asking the Lord to take her home. Soon after my Father discovered he had brain cancer. He lived a couple months not even knowing who he was. I prayed to the Lord everyday for him too. I soon discovered I had lymphoma, sarcoma, and a cancerous tumor on my brain.

I spent 2 years in a nursing home going thru treatments. I can't tell you how sick I was. Bedridden and being fed from a feeding tube. There was nothing left of me. I listened to the TV everyday, unable to watch. I prayed to the Lord. Doctors didn't give me much of a chance. This was a couple years ago. My life hasn't been the same since. I am currently getting more out of life than I ever did. I am happier than I've ever been. I'm doing things I never dreamed of. I live everyday as if would be the last (this may kill me).

I used to travel from port to port being a private boat captain. I never wanted to leave the one I was at. Once I got to the next port, I didn't want to leave that one either. There is another port in the sky waiting for me, I'm just not in a hurry to get there.

Enjoy the port your in, for as long as you can. You never know the outcome. Help others less fortunate, spread your love, and hang around with us long as you can. Prayers for you.

Mike

 

[JB]

Re: Aimed at us guys near 60

This is a very sensitive topic, guys. It messes with religion, law and the Hippocratic Oath. None of those, by the way give, or allow, the person to make their own choices. Each treats the patient as incompetent and impotent to control their own life.

Both of my parents lived years past the time that they really wanted to go. Each told me (at different times) that they were finished with "this part of life" and wanted to move on. . . to be with all of their friends and loves who had gone before.

It is a topic that bothers me a lot. I am 75. I don't want to become dependent or immobile. (Of course I don't. Who does?) I have no opinion about an afterlife and I don't particularly care. I get annoyed at people who insist that they "know" when they merely believe. I admire their faith, but I don't have it and I won't have people demanding that I believe as they do.

What I am pretty sure of is that I will not put up with years of agony leading to destitution. When I am ready to check out I will.

 

[bruceb58]

Re: Aimed at us guys near 60

I am going through this with my 82 year old father who has severe dimentia. It is taking a toll on my mom even though we have a caregiver who helps 3 days a week. Today I was with him at lunch and he just started sobbing uncontrollably. He is trying to remember things but he can't anymore.

I am single and it scares me to death even more since I probably won't have someone like my mom to take care of me. That is one reason why I bought long term care insurance for myself when I turned 50.

 

[Yacht Dr.]

Re: Aimed at us guys near 60

This is a very sensitive topic, guys. It messes with religion, law and the Hippocratic Oath. None of those, by the way give, or allow, the person to make their own choices. Each treats the patient as incompetent and impotent to control their own life.

What I am pretty sure of is that I will not put up with years of agony leading to destitution. When I am ready to check out I will.

Im going to agree with JB..on what I quoted him on..

Personally..I have made my God given choices in the past..and had to live with them. I will not Give somebody else power to choose and then take responsibility for my life.

I lost my mom to cancer..metastisized to her spine. Hospice came in..and I had her home when she passed.

Good thing is that we had a chance to kinda say our partings ( blessing in fact ).

If Im looking at bodily self detruction.. Ill make sure im not tubed up with artificials.

YD.

 

[kenmyfam]

Re: Aimed at us guys near 60

Pretty touchy subject here !!!!
Interesting views and opinions. Mine I do not honestly know. I think you may have to be faced with it before you can honestly choose.
Tough one for me.

 

[j_martin]

Re: Aimed at us guys near 60

I want to die peacefully in my bed, not screaming and crying like the folks in grandpa's boat.

Sorry, felt the need to lighten it up a bit.

 

[Go Aweigh2452]

Re: Aimed at us guys near 60

I would give that woman all the support I could to get her a support group. I'd even go with her once or twice to ensure she knows she has some support in this time of her life. I call it paying it forward. I lost my sister to cancer two years ago. She left two sons and a loving husband. My dad still speaks of her every day I talk to him by phone. He cries, my mentor, my hero cries. Its tough, but we all die. We don't need a magic pill, we need to believe in the life here after. I am not a religious person but I died back in 1974 and my wife to be brought me back. I was asked if I wanted to feel great. I was feeling awesome the longer I was out of my body watching my to be wife pound on my chest to get my heart going, I felt better every second. When that voice asked if I wanted to go with him, I said no, I still had something to do in this life. To date, I have no idea what that was. I do know when it is my time, I will go willingly. I know it will be awesome but I also know I won't jump in front of a truck to get there sooner. I celebrate every day because I know I am not done, that there is a reason I am here still. When HE says its time, then its time!

 

[roscoe]

Re: Aimed at us guys near 60

For all of you that think you will go, when you decide....... a question:

Are you just going to WILL it to happen?

What if you are mentally unable to have that thought when the time comes?

Or what if you are physically unable to somehow make it happen?

For example, you wake up tomorrow after having suffered a disabling stroke in the night.

I had this happen to an aunt last month.

She was sick and tired of her 30 years of pain and suffering, and wished it was over.
Then on the 4th of February, she had 3 strokes.
She is now confined to chair or bed, and can move one arm, her neck and head.
She apparently can still feel all her physical pain.

But now is helpless to do anything about it.

 

[WIMUSKY]

Re: Aimed at us guys near 60

I would give that woman all the support I could to get her a support group. I'd even go with her once or twice to ensure she knows she has some support in this time of her life. I call it paying it forward. I lost my sister to cancer two years ago. She left two sons and a loving husband. My dad still speaks of her every day I talk to him by phone. He cries, my mentor, my hero cries. Its tough, but we all die. We don't need a magic pill, we need to believe in the life here after. I am not a religious person but I died back in 1974 and my wife to be brought me back. I was asked if I wanted to feel great. I was feeling awesome the longer I was out of my body watching my to be wife pound on my chest to get my heart going, I felt better every second. When that voice asked if I wanted to go with him, I said no, I still had something to do in this life. To date, I have no idea what that was. I do know when it is my time, I will go willingly. I know it will be awesome but I also know I won't jump in front of a truck to get there sooner. I celebrate every day because I know I am not done, that there is a reason I am here still. When HE says its time, then its time!

Well said. I believe the life we have waiting for us after this one is awesome. That still doesn't mean we should ever give up while we're here. We need to fight until our last breath. NEVER, EVER GIVE UP.............

 

[sasto]

Re: Aimed at us guys near 60

I will not Give somebody else power to choose and then take responsibility for my life. Ill make sure im not tubed up with artificials.

YD.

I do.....it's in my "Living Will". My loved one has permission to "pull the plug".

 

[jonesg]

Re: Aimed at us guys near 60

I get annoyed at people who insist that they "know" when they merely believe. I admire their faith, but I don't have it and I won't have people demanding that I believe as they do.

.

Some people (most) only have blind faith, others have experienced something beyond explanation and their faith is experiential.
Its just wishful thinking for some but others did actually experience something very real.
Most scientists, in spite of what atheists try to say, do believe there is something "going on" but it doesn't quite match religion.
Physics is very empirical, even the most rigid formal math is semi empirical at best.
Math and logic work well computationally but not epistemologically. (How..not why).

Anyone who demands others believe as they do needs to check their own faith because spiritual Pride is the telltale sign that someone thinks they are God.

My partner of 25 yrs died of cancer, I'm grateful she didn't fall off a cliff, we got plenty of time to talk things through.
Theres a human tendency to fall into self pity and selfishness. Theres no happy pill for that problem.

 

[jonesg]

Re: Aimed at us guys near 60

Well said. I believe the life we have waiting for us after this one is awesome. That still doesn't mean we should ever give up while we're here. We need to fight until our last breath. NEVER, EVER GIVE UP.............

In her final days my partner said "its time for me to die, I've lived a good life, 49 is plenty of time when you consider the children in the cancer ward on the next floor". I've never seen anyone so completely fearless. But she fought like a wildcat right up to the end, or her body did, she accepted it and was at peace with the world before the end. Right up to the end she was comforting the rest of us, she was bringing God into physical manifestation.
Really made me rethink my thinking.