A Hard Decision

[gonfishn]

I am sure many of you have had to face the same situation I am in now.<br /><br />My mom is a young 85 and lives at the Homestead a thousand Miles away..In the last year we have noticed her going down hill health wise and mentally..We are going to have to make a decision to bring her home where we can take care of her..<br /><br />We worry about her driving and her memory loss...She had to bring her own mother out of the homestead many years ago and the mention of her coming to live with us got her ruffles all up..<br /><br />A few folks here have been fortunate to meet her and she now calls them her other boys..Its the hardest decision I will have to ever make concerning her..Her Health and Mental stay is fading with each passing day..<br /><br />Was just wondering if any of you folks have had to go through this and what did you do??

 

[BoatBuoy]

Re: A Hard Decision

I was fortunate, in a way. Essentially the same situation as you. But my mom had to go to the hospital with a spinal fracture. When released, she realized she couldn't go home to take care of herself. While in the hospital, my sister and I made arrangements with the local assisted living facility. She was glad to go there. Even though she talked about going home sometime, she realized her situation and never did get to go home. Actually, it all worked out for the best - particularly for her.<br /><br />It's good you have planted the seeds of her moving. She can at least begin to think about it. Also, you might let her know that her moving will give you great peace of mind and lessen your burden.<br /><br />As a last thought, I don't know her situation (or yours), but she might use proceeds from the sale of her property to build herself a small apartment attachment to your home. That way,at least she can feel that it's hers.

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: A Hard Decision

GF, as you know, I am going through this right now with the wife's FIL.<br />He would not hear of moving in with us so we just bought him a nice 2 BR mobile home and moved all his favorite stuff into it and he has been there ever since, happy as a lark.

 

[technostingray]

Re: A Hard Decision

Support is what she needs most now. My own mother always feared being put in a "home". Try and alleviate her greatest fear. Make the best situation for her you can. But remember when she is gone, you will be still be here.

 

[KaGee]

Re: A Hard Decision

The circle of life. Funny how it works. <br /><br />With Dad it was something out of his control. He was terminal with Colon cancer and then he had a stroke that took away his cognitive skills. I had to put him in a rehab facility till I could get things in order here at home. We brought him here six weeks later and my wife and I cared for him until he passed 4 months later. Hospice was a great help.<br /><br />It's not an easy thing GF. But the fact that you are talking about it tells me that in your heart you know what you have to do.

 

[neumanns]

Re: A Hard Decision

Well I cannot relate on this so I will only add this. What a dear sweet woman who makes maccaroni with a big dose of love and caring...I would eat it anytime!<br /><br />I wish ya the best GF and "MOM" in coming to a good outcome.

 

[ehenry]

Re: A Hard Decision

I will be facing the same situation real soon. Both my folks are in their 80's. Both still healthy and able to get around. However, my sisters and I have noticed that Daddy isn't as mentally alert as he use to be, can't hear squat, and we're seeing him slip a little more as time goes by. Mamma is stll going pretty strong. Ever since she got a pacemaker she's been snappin and poppin around she just can't see where she's going and her knees are about worn out from all the wallking she does.<br /><br />It just hurts to see them going down.

 

[LadyFish]

Re: A Hard Decision

GF, I haven't been faced with that decision yet, but when the day comes I know either one of my parents would welcome it over going into a home or having a nurse come in.<br /><br />Let's face it, nobody wants to give up what they've worked hard their entire life for. We all would prefer to die in our own home and not be a burden to others. But, my views on this are that family needs to be around family. <br /><br />Sometimes getting old is like reverting back to being an infant. You're dependent on others for food, shelter and love. What better person(s) to give those very important things back to her than the one(s) she gave it to in the first place.<br /><br />Much luck to you and good health and happiness to your Mom for as long as can be.

 

[Limited-Time]

Re: A Hard Decision

gf, <br />It’s a tough spot to be in. went through it a few years back with the MIL. After a couple of years living with us her health (mind) got bad enough that seeing to her well being was beyond the wife and me. The next decision was a heart breaker....but one that eventually made its self. When her safety became an issue we new what we had to do. Best of luck to ya.

 

[jamesgreen]

Re: A Hard Decision

We are going through same thing with my grandmother. It is tough to watch and I fell for anybody that is going through it. The one good thing we have going for us is we all live in the same town. I wish you the best and good luck.

 

[deputydawg]

Re: A Hard Decision

There with my uncle. He lives on the ranch, 35 miles from town on dirt roads. It was a hard decision when I moved away from there. He lives there alone and is getting up in years but won't admit it. He can't do what he once could but won't admit that either. <br />Our decision was to let him be where he is happy. He has a strong support group with all of his neighbors, the closest one being 4 miles away. They take turns checking in on him throughout the day and feeding his cows that he thinks he can still care for. <br />There will be a day in the very near future that this won't work out anymore for him, but until then we can let him have his freedom and his pride. Doesn't stop the worrying though.

 

[Link]

Re: A Hard Decision

GF<br />We did what Spinner is doing now then when my father got to where he couldnt even do the little things he was more than ready to move in with us.<br /><br />Well said LadyFish

 

[eurolarva]

Re: A Hard Decision

I dont envy you your decision Jeff. YOur mom has to be one of the sweetest people I have ever met and a hell of a cook. Not to mention the spread she lives on. It would be hard for anyone to leave that place. Maybe leaving here there is the right choice. I know what you are saying about the memory thing but she is happy there and what good is life if you are not happy. We put our mother in a home 7 years ago because of altzheimers and it is tough to go see here because of how miserable she is. At 85 she does not have many years left. Maybe it is best if they are happy years.<br /><br />Just my 2 cents worth. Good luck.

 

[SS MAYFLOAT]

Re: A Hard Decision

This is one of those hurdles that any son or daughter must face. My mother faced it with her mom which lived to be over 100. 15 years of my grandmothers life was in a home and she was never happy. Like Ladyfish said about reverting back to the care of an infant is true. <br /><br />My mother on the other hand was different. She had a disease that ravaged her lungs. She hung on as long as she could. When ever we talked about moving her up to northern Ohio, she seemed to get worse. So our decesion was to let her live where she always did. Had nurses come in several times a day to care for her. This worked well for us, but everyone and every situtation is different. <br /><br />Your mom probably has many friends that she doesn't want to leave. I can understand her frustration over this. If I was you, be prepared to do lots of traveling back and forth. <br /><br />Hang in there big guy, the misses and I will put you and your mom in our prayers.

 

[mellowyellow]

Re: A Hard Decision

I am lucky to say I now know her a bit and<br />she's pretty special GF!<br /><br />any way you can work out some happy medium?<br />maybe have a home health aide go in to check<br />up on her and help her out a few days a week?<br /><br />keeping you both in MY prayers

 

[ae708]

Re: A Hard Decision

I am at this point with my Mom. She's going to be 88 in Nov. We have seen her going downhill for the past 4 years. My sister lives across the road from her and is seeing to her needs but it's getting to be too much for her. My wife and I help as much as we can. I have tried for the past 3 years to get her to move in with us so we can take care of her and so someone would be with her in case she needed help. She has fallen several times in the past year but thankfully she must have pretty good bones as she hasn't broken anything...... yet. She doesn't want to leave her house... says that she doesn't want to be a burden. What she doesn't realize is that it's more of a burden for us to drive 50 miles one way to see about her. I think it's more that she doesn't want to leave her house and possessions. It would be much easier if she were living with us. There's no way that I can see to make her realize that living with us or in an assisted living facility would be in her best interest. Pretty soon she's going to need full time care. It's a very hard thing to see this happening to someone you love so much. There's no easy answer.