Andrew Leigh
Chief Petty Officer
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2003
- Messages
- 431
"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home."<br />"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. "<br />"Is it common?"<br />"It's not unusual"<br /><br />A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.<br />"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"<br />"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"<br />So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.<br />Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."<br />"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "<br />"No, because he's really heavy"<br /><br />Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.<br />And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.<br />That means it's either my mum or my dad.<br />Or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.<br />But I think it's Colin.<br /><br />So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me<br />"Can you give me a lift?"<br />I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'<br /><br />Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "your round."<br />The other one says "so are you, you fat b@#tard!"<br /><br />Two cannibals eating a clown.<br />One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"<br /><br />Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking<br />battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.<br />They charged one and let the other one off.<br /><br />Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup?<br />Anyone can roast beef<br /><br />Whats the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?<br />The location of the Dirt Bag.<br /><br />Why does a pilgrims pants always fall down?<br />Because they wear their belt buckles on their hat.<br /><br />How do you catch a unique rabbit?<br />Unique up on it.<br />(took me a while too)<br /><br />How do you catch a tame rabbit?<br />Tame way, unique up on it.<br /><br />Two cannibals eating.<br />One says to the other "Im having a ball<br />To which the other replies Then youre eating too fast<br /><br />What goes clop, clop clop, bang, bang, clop, clop, clop?<br />An Amish drive-by-shooting.<br /><br />How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same?<br />Somebody's gonna lose a trailer<br /><br />Hope you enjoyed<br />Cheers<br />Andrew
