What to do when you neighbor is dying?

[Mark42]

Decided not to leave post.

 

[roscoe]

Re: What to do when you neighbor is dying?

What would you do given that you are able to grand such a trip??????

Thanks,

Sorry to hear that your friend is suffering so.


Not sure I understand your question.
"What would you do given that you are able to grand such a trip??????"

Give him what he wants.
Don't drag him anywhere, just the travel is enough to wear him out for 2 days.

M-in-L just passed this year, after a 4+ year battle with cancer.
He knows what he can handle.

If he can't drive now, he probably can't handle much.
And he likely would find it pointless to meet " and visit neat neighbors."
He doesn't want to impose, or feel like he is imposing on people.
He wants to be comfortable and safe, home, with friends and family is the place for that.

Spend some time with him.
Take him and the car, to the local track, and let him make a few runs at WOT.
Let him smile at the memories it brings back.

 

[Jeep Man]

Re: What to do when you neighbor is dying?

Ask his wife what she thinks and go with that. Regardless of what the answer is, support them, especially her. She's going to need it as more than anyone.

 

[rjlipscomb]

Re: What to do when you neighbor is dying?

Give him what he wants.

Spend some time with him.
Take him and the car, to the local track, and let him make a few runs at WOT.
Let him smile at the memories it brings back.

Sounds like good advice. Maybe, he'll give into doing more, maybe not. Seems like the key is just being there for him.

 

[Mark42]

Re: What to do when you neighbor is dying?

Removed.

 

[aspeck]

Re: What to do when you neighbor is dying?

Be there for him. Push him gently, but do not force. Some times getting out is the best thing, but if the strength and will are not there, it will be pointless. See how his wife feels about it also, she will have a better idea since she has been living with it every day. Maybe just some 1/2 day trips to give her a break in the daily care.

But in the end, he needs a friend to sit with him, spend time with him, not talk or take him places, just to be there.

 

[Shizzy]

Re: What to do when you neighbor is dying?

one more thing.

My Friend's next door neighbor is going through throat cancer at the moment. Really cool guy, he was the first to walk over and introduce himself when they moved in.

My friend regularly mows his lawn for him and basically said if you see us outside grilling and drinking beer come on over. Even if you dont see us outside grilling and drinking beer come on over. Sometimes he comes over, sometimes not. sometimes he eats, sometimes he doesnt. Just having a spot nearby he can go visit and laugh and enjoy some company without any worries for an hour or two is probably Huge for the guy at this point in his life.

 

[tashasdaddy]

Re: What to do when you neighbor is dying?

another thought is to offer to stay with him for a couple of hours on a Saturday, so his wife can get out and get her hair done, or a manicure, etc. the care giver needs as much of a break and the patient. this would be a great time to take him for a ride in the car.

 

[Bob_VT]

Re: What to do when you neighbor is dying?

Be supportive...... and support his wife.

There is another whole side to how people who are "terminal" act as time goes on. Take this first hand and do not be surprised at some strange reactions.

 

[kenmyfam]

Re: What to do when you neighbor is dying?

Be there for them both and don't push what you think is best. They will let you know. My best friend died at 43 from cancer in 2002. We spent a lot of time visiting, a few short trips out here and there and helped as much as was needed with anything that needed doing.

 

[skargo]

Re: What to do when you neighbor is dying?

You're a good neighbor and a great friend!

 

[dr_bowtie]

Re: What to do when you neighbor is dying?

I have t agree give him what he ask for if you can...this will be looked upon much better than pushing him to do something he might not want to do...

your idea of fun and his may be totally different...let him live in the legacy...

do all you can to help but dont act sympathetic or on sympathy I can tell you first hand they hate this...act normal as if nothing is wrong ( hopefully you know what I mean) and give them all they ask for...offer to help all you can and you can keep offering the boat trip...you never know he might take it...

and a ride in a sweet 98 firebird would be well worth the fun especially the WS6 models...those are some SWEET cars

 

[gonfishn]

Re: What to do when you neighbor is dying?

After being in the medical field for over 30 years I have learned that death is a very private matter. How one approaches their cross over differs. What a person would want to do with no health issues has all the time in the world . One who knows their time is near thinks in more simplier terms. Many want friends to remember them as they were. A short ride in a car they admired or a fishn trip means more to them because that is really what they will miss the most. Let him have his ride and you will make him a very content person and you will have the satisfaction of knowing you fulfilled that what he wanted the most.

Death will come to all of us and how we handle it will be up to us. Some may want to go out in a blaze of glory while others may want to look back and remember those things that made them happy during ones life.

On a lighter note i told my wife when i go i want to be shown with my backside up with a smiley face written on the place where the sun dont shine and on the other side will say kiss it. Those who are my friends will smile and those who are not will take it as it is.

 

[rbh]

Re: What to do when you neighbor is dying?

Sometimes just being around so he has someone to talk to is good, as well giving his wife some time to "decompress" on her own is a god send to some.
rob

 

[DayCruiser]

Re: What to do when you neighbor is dying?

People with Cancer are usually nauseated from the medical treatment and are in severe pain. They may be out of it because of the strong pain meds. They don't feel like doing much.

 

[Mark42]

Re: What to do when you neighbor is dying?

Removed.

 

[thefairlaneman]

Re: What to do when you neighbor is dying?

You should do what you would want him to do if it were turned around. Just make sure he knows you are very very concerned and are on stand by 24/7 to do anything posible that might help him in any way and you are with him in spirit all day even if you cant come and visit long. That if he starts counting blessings he will be happy to put a good neighbor on that list.

 

[alumi numb]

Re: What to do when you neighbor is dying?

I never brought up his condition, and let him enjoy the moment. He seemed to enjoy the kids more than anything.

what you do is listen to him.
his life is over, he's a living dead man.
you can become a better person by heeding is words, a touch of immortality for him.
years age i had a manager that was dying of cancer.
he had been replaced but still liked coming in to talk and see how things were going.
nervously i asked him if he had any suggestions on life and what's important.
he looked me dead in the eye and said this.
"the things you thought were so important really are not.
i thought this place couldn't run without me, well it can and will.
the house i have someone lived there before and will after.
what ever made me think it was my house?
those things you think you own, you don't get to take with you.
you just get to use that stuff for a while.
family and the people you know are what's really important.
if i can help another person become a better person that's what's important.
i raised my children to be good people, they are raising my granchildren to be good people.
that thinking will go on for generations and for me that's immortality in a way.
i'm going to die but my way of thinking won't."
one of the smartest men i ever knew and wish i would have heeded those words a little more in life myself.