Going overseas to work question.....

[jay_merrill]

Re: Going overseas to work question.....

When I read your list of "negatives," what hits me is that you really don't want to go. Trust your gut instincts because most of the time, they will give you the right answer.

 

[roscoe]

Re: Going overseas to work question.....

With the negatives you listed, you better stay put.

Quality of life is more important.

 

[arboldt]

Re: Going overseas to work question.....

Excellent advice so far.

Some observations...
A neighbor from our lake place took a job like that in the Azores. His kids are all in college or graduated, so that's not an issue. This past year while he was there, his wife had to cope with crises at home, make some major decisions for him with his business, his mother's Alzheimers, the cottage septic having to be replaced, and problems with their houseboat 600 miles south. She was going nuts. Oh .. did I mention her breast cancer?

When my kids were preschool, I had a traveling position, normally leaving the house before dawn Monday and getting home 8 - 10 pm Friday. Now normally when mom and dad disagree on some aspect of child-rearing, they work it out privately day-to-day or even hour-to-hour so the kids can see a united front. What would you feel when your wife would quietly tell the kids to just go along with dad 'cause he'll be gone in a couple days so they can get back to normal? Even though my wife and I were essentially on the same page reagrding our kids, that still happened, and it hurt greatly. And at the time I felt I didn't really have a choice.

Now unless I misread things, you've indicated that your wife and yourself are not necessarily eye-to-eye regarding the kids, schedules, priorities, etc. Even though they may be slightly older, things won't remain the same. Do you want them to grow with an attitude they can (at least temporarily) ignore you?

And finally, in this economy I'd be *extremely* cautious about thinking I can always return to my old job. I've seen too many people think that, get back and have nothing.

 

[oops!]

Re: Going overseas to work question.....

this is a lot to weigh.......all my best wishes for you in the desicion...

a lot of my family are patch workers......3 out 1 in.....(weeks)

they made due...have a stronger relationship...

tax or no tax.....if the bottom line is good....your son goes to college....30 days away isnt long....30 days home ......i think thats a good trade off...

your love for your son/family will be the deciding factor......along with personal security......and places you will work.

you can allways quit if you cant handle being away from your son...

in my opinion ......a confused person is one without all the facts.....the more info you have ..like where...what...you can investigate when thoes facts come in.

if our good friend and iboats crazy, aspeck...is in the know...man...id be asking him all kinds of questions....

good luck
oops

 

[Sig_Mech]

Re: Going overseas to work question.....

Hey jbj, I don't envy you my friend. You have a very tough decision to make and ultimately its your decision to make. We can only give you our nickle's worth. You really need to have a long serious discussion with the wife and make that decision together. My take on the situation is this:
1) Not all money is good money. 2) God forbid, if something were to happen while you were gone, all the money in the world couldn't change it. 3) I don't know of anyone who, while lying on their death bed, ever said "Gee, you know, I shoulda spent more time at work and less time with the family".
That's my 2 pennies worth. Find a quiet spot then look deep inside yourself, that's where the correct answer is.
Good luck.
P.S - I live in Colorado and if you want to bring your pops out this way PM me and I'll do what I can to get you any info you need.

 

[jay_merrill]

Re: Going overseas to work question.....

I was just reading arboldt's response and it made me think of something that I hadn't before. After Hurricane Katrina, I had to live in Shreveport, LA during the week, until June of 2006 when the company I worked for moved back to New Orleans. I came home every weekend, usually leaving the office at about 3pm on Fridays and beginning the trek back at about 3pm on Sundays. My employer was outstanding in terms of the expenses to do this - they paid me mileage (700 miles per week) and paid for a very nice, furnished two bedroom apartment for me to live in, while I was away from home

While my situation was about as good as it could have been considering the circumstances, it was a grind. On one occassion, I had to "tear" home in the middle of the night because the woman who lived with me was assaulted (not badly hurt) and my front door had been kicked in. While this was a completely random act by what turned out to be a deranged woman from a nearby apartment house, the fact of the matter is that I wasn't there. I couldn't help her and I couldn't protect her. She also moved out shortly thereafter and never came back. Beyond that, not being at home and traveling constantly was exhausting. I also felt like I could never get anything done and had no time to just relax. By the time June rolled around, I was seriously considering quitting my job.

Your "commute" would be a little different just because you would be on a month on/month off schedule, but you will still feel the effects of the time away and the traveling. Even with decent connections, your monthly trip will take a couple of days in each direction. You will also have to deal with a large time zone change each month. And, unlike my situation, if something goes wrong at home, you are a couple of days away from helping, at best.

I don't really know the offshore employment tax rules, but something sticks in my mind about having to pay the taxes once you bring the money back into the US. You might also want to look into this.

 

[Benny1963]

Re: Going overseas to work question.....

hi jb sounds like you like the homelife.
you wuold probaly be miserable . but if the money is good
and you can tolerate certain things then go for it
my sons are grown but i ahve a young wife 28 im 45
i leave for about 90 days at a time.the money is great
but .the conditions are unreal .and with the contractor i work for iin the news and with the family worrying all the time about your safety who knows
some times you have to try things .just make sure you know where your going and that you have a out . in case it gets wild .
good luck bennyb

 

[jbjennings]

Re: Going overseas to work question.....

Guys,
I'm looking closely at your responses, thinking hard about all of 'em. No, it's not Nigeria. My connection in getting the job is my Bro.-in-law. He has no problem with safety but does say the time zone change and travel is a booger. My plan is for just 4 or 5 years overseas but although I'm not a big spender, I can see the temptation to want to keep making that kind of money. I definitely enjoy the homelife. I stay very busy and look forward to my time off. But I have always been able to handle a little hard work. In college, I worked for an offshore electrical construction contractor (also by help from BIL---yes, he is a neat person and more than just a BIL) and often worked 14hour days and had no idea when I would come home. I really didn't like the not-knowing part but I don't think I would have any problem if i knew when I was going home. I did LOVE hearing the chopper blades coming in across the horizon while waiting for my ride home.
I appreciate all the responses, they have been truly helpful.
Still don't know what I'm going to do,
JBJennings

 

[aspeck]

Re: Going overseas to work question.....

My offer still stands if you want to talk about this from someone who spends some time overseas. PM me and I will share particulars with you. Also, read my "Prayers Requested" thread. Sometimes not so nice things happen while you are gone and it is difficult to pick up and head home immediately.

I was overseas when my father died and I had a hard time wrestling with that ... because of my involvement with emergency medical services I kept thinking that if only I had been home he could have gotten treatment sooner and the heart attack would not have been lfatal. Of course things like this could happen when you are on vacation, or going to the grocery store, but it works on your mind when you are on another continent and you have to be ready to deal with things like that. If my wife was not strong enough to handle difficulties, and we were not on the same page with kids, home, life in general, I could not be doing what I am doing. And I hate missing milestones with kids.

Granted, my situation is different than yours - all situations are. And I am not telling you NOT to do it, because obviously I am overseas right now and looking forward to returning home Monday/Tuesday. I can tell you this, if my marriage was not a strong, great marriage, and if my wife didn't reinforce OUR views and standards with the kids while I was away, I could never do what I am doing now.

So keep examining your situation, your marriage, your relationship with the kids ... it is really THEIR advise that you need, not ours. Would the kids be happier, really and honestly, if Dad made twice the money but was gone for a month at a time? Is the money worth the seperation? Only you and they can answer that, and as said before in this thread, make sure the $ and the package is truly what it is being said it is ... I doubt it is really as tax-free as you think.

Good luck in your decision. I am praying that you will make the decision that is best for you and your family.

 

[oops!]

Re: Going overseas to work question.....

My offer still stands if you want to talk about this from someone who spends some time overseas. PM me and I will share particulars with you. Also, read my "Prayers Requested" thread. Sometimes not so nice things happen while you are gone and it is difficult to pick up and head home immediately.

I was overseas when my father died and I had a hard time wrestling with that ... because of my involvement with emergency medical services I kept thinking that if only I had been home he could have gotten treatment sooner and the heart attack would not have been lfatal. Of course things like this could happen when you are on vacation, or going to the grocery store, but it works on your mind when you are on another continent and you have to be ready to deal with things like that. If my wife was not strong enough to handle difficulties, and we were not on the same page with kids, home, life in general, I could not be doing what I am doing. And I hate missing milestones with kids.

Granted, my situation is different than yours - all situations are. And I am not telling you NOT to do it, because obviously I am overseas right now and looking forward to returning home Monday/Tuesday. I can tell you this, if my marriage was not a strong, great marriage, and if my wife didn't reinforce OUR views and standards with the kids while I was away, I could never do what I am doing now.

So keep examining your situation, your marriage, your relationship with the kids ... it is really THEIR advise that you need, not ours. Would the kids be happier, really and honestly, if Dad made twice the money but was gone for a month at a time? Is the money worth the seperation? Only you and they can answer that, and as said before in this thread, make sure the $ and the package is truly what it is being said it is ... I doubt it is really as tax-free as you think.

Good luck in your decision. I am praying that you will make the decision that is best for you and your family.

awesome post aspeck....a great one....

jbj...id read this one a few times over.....ive worked outta town for a month or two at a time.....having stuff happen when your gone is tough...you feel like your hands are tied.....and thoes thoughts consume you......

but were prayin for the right decision for ya ...whatever that decision is...

oops

 

[Big Bubba]

Re: Going overseas to work question.....

JBJennings,
I know you have alot of thinking/decisions to make concerning your new job. I tell you I am currently in the active duty Air Force military stationed at Osan AFB Korea and I am almost done with it, 8 March 2008, to be exact, but what I am trying to say it is hard as you know what to be away from my family. I am glad I have been here at Osan to be a big part of keeping the Democratic Republic of South Korea free from the communist North Korea but I am ready to get home back to my wife and 2 daughters, ages 4 and 9 years old. I have been away for a almost a year now and there is not enough money in this world to not keep me away from them. So I can't do this again. It has been very, very, very and extremely hard on me to be away from them and not being able to be a dad and a husband for them and just be there for them while I am here at Osan. So if the oppurtunity, hopefully never, comes again to go on a remote assignment I will retire and separate from the military for good and plus I have served 20 years honorably so far so there will be no more options for me to serve at a remote assignment in the future, I will not do it for the sake of my wife and 2 daugthers. If I was single I wouldn't have a problem serving at a remote location but being married changes things and being with my wife and 2 daughters means more to me than making money. So that is my own decision and you can go off of that and make your decision.

 

[Andrew Leigh]

Re: Going overseas to work question.....

Some of my comments.

On the positives.
2. I'd be able to pay off my house and stack up a large sum in the bank in just a few years. --and I know my own weaknesses, & truly believe I wouldn't have a problem doing that. I wouldn't just start spending that much more when I'm making more.

You may be able to pay off your house but will you still have a home.

3. I could get my current job back anytime since there is a shortage of
qualified folks in my particular area.

Not if you get injured or catch a debilitating tropical African disease. Africa is different, culturally worlds apart, ethically very different (listen to Aspeck).

6. The wife wants me to and she's trustworthy as far as "Jody" goes.

Why does she want you too? Is she motivated by the income? If so how will you sustain that standard of income when you decide to stop? Recently met a guy on a plane to China, he cannot break that income loop problem and what started as 3 years is now 12 and he is hating it. You gotta be a special kind of person to do this.

7. I'd like a chance to change jobs and a chance for advancement that I don't really have in my own jobs.

Is this advancement or more money. I sold out for advancement and have paid the price, the money is never worth it. Most will always spend what they earn despite the good intentions. What stops you for changing your job in the States?

On the negatives.
1. I'd be gone a month and home a month. I can't stand to even let my children go spend the night at their grandmothers every couple of months because I miss them and just like to have them at home. I've got 2 kids and one on the way.

You will lose continuity with the family, the baby will be a problem for you. You will miss so much in the early developmental stage and will have to be satisfied with second hand stories and photo's of all the "firsts".

2. My wife is bad about "running and gunning" in the car with her mom instead of staying home and taking care of the kids and keeping a schedule so they'll get plenty of sleep, a good meal, etc. when I'm not around to keep an eye on her.

That reason alone is enough not to go.

3. She won't have me to annoy her about cooking supper, cleaning the house, etc. for a month, and then I'll come home and she has to do these things and I'm worried she'll get out of the habit when I'm gone and not look forward to me coming home.

That is another good reason to stay.

4. We make enough money to get by now and are very happy like things are.

A very good reason to stay.


5. I worry that I won't be home in case something bad happens.

Another good reason to stay.


So, I wonder if I should go for something that might be even better, or don't mess with a good thing.

It ain't broke why are you trying to fix it?

If you were single my advice would be to go. The risk reward list YOU published clearly shows that there is a very high reward with a very high risk, in business I maybe tempted with those odds but not in my personal life.

When I was discharged from active duty in the military I had attained the rank of Lieutenant. Having lots of experience in special ops in the Namibian and Zimbabwean theatres I was actively canvassed for mercenary work in which I could have worked for two months of the year and fished for the other 10. I love the military lifestyle and still do. I chose not to for various reasons, not the least of which were how the job would have altered my personality and the effect it would have had on a future family.

As a wise man once said "SOMETIMES MONEY COSTS TOO MUCH".



Good Luck
Andrew

 

[masterge]

Re: Going overseas to work question.....

...

 

[Benny1963]

Re: Going overseas to work question.....

jb i work 90 days gone 30 days home 9 months then i come home and kick back and do things iwant to do the areas that i have been in the last two years are dangerous i work for a contractor that is probaly left out of this because of certain legalities i am married with two sons 24 and 20
the area you work should be checked out , the areas i work are on the news
the money is excellent but the ultimate price may not way the danger for you
to do so ,i got caught up in the money and they adreniline factor but at 45 im not feeling so bullett proof and due to bad investments and unfoseen debts i dont have nearly the money i thought i would have by now
so there is no second chance im out ,ive gotten to were i would rather live
with a lot less money and spend time with my grand kids than to have to call all of my family before i leave to tell them i love them because there is good probability that i may not come home for me there is always law enforcement
but nowdays thats as bad as what i do ,so i will know try to do something peacefull that i really like doing .that has yet to be figured out
be warned if you leave this country for other lands you will be at risk even if it is small,but osme times its better to do something you want to do even if its
dangerous than to die wishing you had .
this is probaly no help to you but you are from louisiana and i wanted to try
and africa is not safe ;; hostile nasty country

 

[avenger79]

Re: Going overseas to work question.....

do you want an honest opinion or just a yeah go do it dude?

honest opinion - Don't read this is you just want a yeah go do it.

First your kids need you more then you need the money. Period.
your wife, if she hasn't been "tested" may very well not be good with the Jody thing, many are not. Sorry it's true.
The money while it may seem fantastic now won't seem so great in a year and then when you decide to quit that job and come back to reality life will suck. You will resent the pay, and not like the lack of "adventure".
It certainly has it's share of dangers, if you're not a go get um kind of guy you may not enjoy this.
What about living quarters, will you have your own space or is it barracks style. Barracks can get very uncomfortable very fast.
Are you ready to leave behind all that you do, love, and have just to chase a dollar.
in my life I have been literally homeless, and I've been on top of the world, and through it all I always choose family first. That's just my opinion but it has served me well so far.
I have a friend who did the overseas employment for three years. After three years, his son is a complete train wreck. He resents his dad for leaving him, he's failing school, and shunning the world.
His wife is enjoying others company.
He can't get back into a normal routine.
The money is well, all gone.
Now he works a normal job making small salary and life is just as blah as it was before he left, except his family has been torn apart.
If you were single it would be a chance of a lifetime, but maybe not so much for a family guy.
There is no such thing as get rich quick, or just this little bit of time will get us out of financial woes.

If you just want a heck yeah go get it then here it is. HECK YEAH do it!!! Think long and hard before you go.

 

[RubberFrog]

Re: Going overseas to work question.....

...

Why did you bring this back from the dead?

 

[SgtMaj]

Re: Going overseas to work question.....

So, I wonder if I should go for something that might be even better, or don't mess with a good thing.
What do you think?
JBJ

I think you should add this to your list of negatives... If they fly you out to a rig out in the atlantic, you never know when I giant swell will break off the helipad and you're left standed on that God-forsaken platform for 3 months straight before they can make repairs and give you some time off.

PS - I'd still take it.