It's started

[Tyme2fish]

My sister's e-mail to me.
We can't seem to talk to each other on the phone. You're either going to bed or going to work. You took quite a few plastic containers of silver dollars home so they couldn't be stolen. You also took a blue CD/tape player that I bought for Mom last Christmas. I took home 3 containers of silver dollars. The blue CD/tape player is mine and you should also bring back half minus 3 containers of silver dollars. Your wife doesn't remember any silver being taken to your home, but I distinctly remember your insistence of anything of value being removed from the house because anyone could go into the house and take whatever. Since I was going back to Florida, it made more sense for you to take it back to Indiana

My reply to sister:
Sometimes the Internet doesn't give one the chance to hear voice inflections and attitude. I hope I wasn't reading a negative attitude into your e-mail.

We did not remove any coins from the house. Plastic containers, loose or otherwise. I'm sorry and offended if you think we "stole" anything from Mom's house.

Your e-mail was very nasty and hateful. I hope you have a better attitude when we meet in Virginia. Should I take an inventory and see what you removed upon your last visit to Buena Vista? That sounds pretty nasty and accusatory doesn't it? How do you think I feel after reading your e-mail. I don't want to play that game.

Phone tag can be annoying, but I make no apologies to the fact that yes I do work, and yes I do sleep. If you like, I can call you at 3:00 AM. Oops, I bet you're sleeping then. Your 3:00 PM is my 3:00 AM.





This is all in regards to our recently deceased Mother's property. I didn't take anything from the house.

I am leaving Tuesday to go to Virginia and start to clean out Mom's house and sister will be there Wednesday. I better wait till sis gets there before I throw anything away.
Doesn't seem like it will be a joyful family reunion.

Her reference to my working or sleeping is in regards to my working 3rd shift and working 80 hours in 7 days. Yes, you're damn right, I'm either working or sleeping!!!!

 

[57whitehouse]

Re: It's started

Just think how mad she's gonna be if she finds you posted her e-mail to you on this site.

Times like these are usually tense between family members if a detailed will has not been written. Depending on the relationship between siblings, it can get real nasty.

Try to be patient and evaluate what is worth the fight.

 

[Tyme2fish]

Re: It's started

Mom left no will. The bad thing is my sister knows that I paid for Mom's house. That's a long story but my Mother had to buy her Mother's house to settle my Granny's estate among Mom's siblings. I co-signed the loan and paid the entire mortgage. This was just 3 months after I had graduated from college in 1977. Sister didn't learn of this till about 4 years ago when I informed her that I had paid for the house.. She's now pissed thinking that she won't receive any monies from the house. I guess the law will give her half even though I paid for the property.

Where was sis in the 70's and 80's when I was raising a family and paying 2 house payments, mine and Mom's?

Well Sis can now travel between her Townhouse in Destin Florida and her other house in Northern Indiana and accuse me of stealing some silver dollars. The saga continues!!!!

 

[MikDee]

Re: It's started

Sorry to hear, but I've been there, had that, with my only sister (10yrs older) who was living in Texas, as my mom was tended to by my wife, & I, on her deathbed for weeks local to us on Long Island. She came up to visit just before my Mom died, and it was an uncomfortable situation till it was all over, and she left for home.

 

[Tyme2fish]

Re: It's started

Sorry to hear, but I've been there, had that, with my only sister (10yrs older) who was living in Texas, as my mom was tended to by my wife, & I, on her deathbed for weeks local to us on Long Island. She came up to visit just before my Mom died, and it was an uncomfortable situation till it was all over, and she left for home.

Did your sister take any silver dollars home with her?? Sorry, I meant no disrespect to you or your sister. I'm still not any where near coping with the passing of our Mother.
I thought my sis and I would get thru this better. Wishfull thinking on my part. Sis is 3 years older than I.

 

[Windykid]

Re: It's started

Sorry to here all this. I found it best to remain as calm as posible. If I was getting pissed, I would go out for a smoke as to not say something I would regret. Put keeping a calm tone and tell her your feelings may go a long way.

 

[Tyme2fish]

Re: It's started

Quit smoking in April. Even through Mom's death watch and funeral and such, stayed smoke free. I might have to take a walk when Sis starts to get to me. Trouble is, I'd end up 50 miles from the house before I cooled down!!!

 

[Limited-Time]

Re: It's started

Sorry to hear about your troubles with the sis, hope you two can work thru this. After all is said and done all we really have to call our own is family. It would be a shame to lose that along with your mother. As for your cooling off walk, do yourself a favor and turn around after the first 25 miles .

 

[ricksrster]

Re: It's started

My mother would say pray over it before you go. Things might not be as bad as it seems.

 

[tommays]

Re: It's started

You have my condolences


It could be worse MY parents did leave a will BUT set up a trust for my two handicaped brothers so they could NOT spend the money


With the money going to the grandchildren when they pass


It is a never ending nightmare of brothers wanting "THERE" money and now my name is on and account as Trustee with theres

SO i get all there bill collector calls it has calmed down somewhat as they have learned i do not respond to them

BUT i spent my childhood looking after them and after a short break of raiseing my children i amd looking after them again


Tommays

 

[waterinthefuel]

Re: It's started

My moms situation with her sister was worse than yours, way worse. Her sister had their mom change her will last second and leave everything of value to her, hundreds of thousands of dollars of property and belongings went to her. Not to mention about a hundred grand of missing money.

She is now hated by the other siblings and will not be dealt with.

Oh yea, I also work the graveyard shift. I tell people that your 8am is my 8pm, that's why I'm always sleeping when you call!!

 

[PW2]

Re: It's started

Do you have an executor of the estate appointed? Is it going thru probate court?

If not, hire a lawyer to do it, and nothing should be removed from the house without being catalogued by the executor, preferably by someone with only a third party interest in it.

Trying to settle this among family members is a guaranteed losing proposition.

 

[SS MAYFLOAT]

Re: It's started

I gotta agree with PW, get an attorney. My mom's funeral was disasterous. My bother told me (the youngest) and my oldest sister that we wasn't surpose to be there. My oldest sister got PO'd and left only to be contacted through the estates attorney. Mom's death pretty much split all of us siblings up. Its been 10 years now and recently I contacted my oldest sister to see if she cooled off. Nope, her anger over our mother is still as bitter as a persimmon. Needless to say, I haven't tried to continue a relationship with her and probably not ever due to her bitterness. As for my bro and other sister, we talk, but not as close as we ever were. Its sad and I miss those days of being together.

I hate to see that happen in your case. Get an attorney and let him be the bad guy. They are use to it

 

[JB]

Re: It's started

I think you made a mistake in your angry, accusing Email to your sister.

Apologise. Then explain what you did or didn't take and ask her where she got the ideas she said in her Email. There is probably a simple explanation.

That is your SISTER, T2F!! You two need to sit down, face to face, and agree on who takes what, consistent with any will your Mom left.

I only hope that your Mom is really gone, and doesn't know how her son and daughter are behaving!

If you two get lawyers involved I hope they get it all and you two get nothing.

 

[Tinlizzy]

Re: It's started

...Both you and your family will be in my prayers Tyme.

I have to agree with JB here. Dont let material possessions become a wedge between you and your sister.

 

[Plainsman]

Re: It's started

I think you made a mistake in your angry, accusing Email to your sister.

Apologise. Then explain what you did or didn't take and ask her where she got the ideas she said in her Email. There is probably a simple explanation.

That is your SISTER, T2F!! You two need to sit down, face to face, and agree on who takes what, consistent with any will your Mom left.

I only hope that your Mom is really gone, and doesn't know how her son and daughter are behaving!

If you two get lawyers involved I hope they get it all and you two get nothing.

Absolutely evil JB !!!!! Are you so heartless?

 

[mikeandronda]

Re: It's started

JB is right just his delivery of the message was harsh.......T2F My wife is going through a situation that is really hard due to siblings and what was left to everyone after her father died........I promise you that it aint worth the pain to have to prove your right or get what you feel is yours. It does not sound to me like your worried too much about whats yours and whats your sisters..........I believe you are probably right but there are too many families that lose more then just those who have died when working out the money and stuff..............If you had any kind of a relationship with your sister in the past use this as a way to strengthen what you have instead of destroy whats left............On the flip side I feel for you and this aint easy even when everybody gets alone, your in my prayers.

 

[Kalian]

Re: It's started

JB's right. The cycle has started, and we all know exactly how it will end if nobody wants to give a little and take the first step. Maybe JB was a little harsh, but he's still right on. You got to at least try to talk it out first without continuing the acusatory language. Mistrust breeds mistrust. Talk it out first.

And probate is expensive. You probably WON'T get much if you go that route.

 

[Bigprairie1]

Re: It's started

remember what they say....."where there's a Will...there's a way". Good luck.

 

[Terry Olson]

Re: It's started

The longer the falling out lasts the wider the gap becomes - and the more difficult and unlikely putting it behind you becomes. I've seen this firsthand in my own family. A petty disagreement leads to hard feelings, then people quit showing up for family events and it snowballs from there. Now what started as a small issue has likely become insurmountable - and the entire family suffers.

Communication is 90% verbal. Email doesn't allow tone of voice and body language to be known to the recipient so there's a high potential for misunderstanding. Don't allow a misunderstanding to grow by fueling it - take a step back and see if you can right the ship so to speak. There's plenty of time to be angry and disappointed later if this proves to be impossible.

Good luck with it.