Emotionally Drained

[SS MAYFLOAT]

Last weekend has made for a saddened holiday for my family.<br /><br />Last Friday night my son lied to me where he was going. He went to a party where drugs and alcohol were available to him and his other 15 to 18 year old buds. Saturday afternoon he called and wanted a ride home. During the converstation I could tell in is voice that it didn't sound like my son.<br />Since he is always saying he can take care of himself, so I told him that he needs to find his own way home. The week before, he purposely tore the transmission out of his car by doing neutral drops. (second car now that he has tore up).<br /><br />He came home and was very uncontrollably mad because he said he walked home. Later we found out that he stole money and took a taxi.<br /><br />He then started calling me names and doing his best to provoke me into fighting him. I never in my life have been degraded as the way he did that night. After about 3 hours trying to reason with him, I tried to talk to him to calm him down. This was the first time ever he wouldn't calm down. No matter what I would say, it just would make him even more mad at me. He picked up a machetti and went through the motions of cutting his right hand off with it, but I inteviened and stopped him. He then said he would put a bullet through his head later on.(All guns in my house have breech cables and trigger locks) So I closed his door, and went out and called 911.<br /><br />After he found out that I called the police, he started threatening to beat and kill me. His skin tone, voice, and actions told me he had to be on something. This is the only time I have ever been sacared of my son. I kept my cool and did not attempt to fight him. I seen one car pull into the drive and he looked out the window then seen me heading out into the garage. I wasn't going to stick around if he was going to hurt me. <br /><br />After the police showed up, he ran into the basement and out the back door. The police chased him down and only got him to stop at gun point.<br /><br />They took him into the shrriffs dept and charged him with domestic violence and then transported him to the physic ward at the local hospital. He was to be held for a 3 day observation. After the doctor seen him on the second day, the doc determined this young man was way to angry to go home. So he now has been admitted for 5 more days.<br /><br />Even still while at the hospital, his threats to me still is going on. The courts are doing what they can to ensure that he will go straight from the hospital to a detention center. He has been in and out of trouble frequently and always has stated that he would never go there.<br /><br />I'm just bummed out in a major way. I hate turning my back on him, but he has to come to his senses and realize you can't treat people the way he does. All his friends that are good kids have called and told us all kinds of bad things about him and why they quit having him around. I figure it is because unknowing to me that he was hanging with the wrong crowd.<br /><br />Blood tests showed he had some major anit-depressants in his system. He also had been drinking beer on top of them to.<br /><br />I've been told by friends that I have done the right thing, but I just don't know. Tough Love as they call it is no doubt tough.<br /><br />So he will be spending Christmas in the hospital. He still doesn't want to see me and I don't plan on seeing him until he is wanting to see me. The doctor has been thinking my son is Bipolar.<br /><br />All I can do is pray for him and the rest of my grief stricken family.<br /><br />I do wish everyone here at the iboats family to have a Merry Christmas. I know my feelings will be distracted from the circumstances by my grandchildren visiting Christmas day. They always bring smiles and happiness to me.<br /><br />I feel I shouldn't have posted this, but some of you have been very helpful to me in the past. The support is greatly appreaciated. My family and I need it during this holiday season. Thanks to all...

 

[boatingfool]

Re: Emotionally Drained

SS,<br /><br />I feel for you & your family and hope things turn around.<br />I did notice a bright spot in your post.<br />You stated that your son called for a ride home and when couldnt get one he stole money for a taxi.<br /><br />At least he was still smart enough not to drive in that condition or he might not be here today at all.<br /><br />I have 14 year old who is trying to become very independent and does not see why there are rules to follow.<br /><br />I think the next few years may be very interesting for me.

 

[mellowyellow]

Re: Emotionally Drained

hi SS,<br />man, my heart deff. goes out to you buddy!<br />I really have to disagree with your statement<br />re: "turning your back on him", when in reality<br />you are doing the opposite and dealing with a<br />tuff problem head on... good for you, you did<br />the right thing IMO.<br />he's lucky to have you as a father, even if he<br />doesn't realize it right now. from what I know<br />about you here at Iboats, I have every confidence<br />you and your family will be successful in helping<br />him grow into a good person.<br />you and your family will be in my prayers today.<br />warmest regards,<br />M.Y.

 

[Trent]

Re: Emotionally Drained

SS... Tough Love is tough! Your doing the right thing. He will thank you when he is older. If he is Bipolar and when he gets on the medicine you will notice a different person. My heart and prayers go out to you and your familly. Have a Merry Christmas!

 

[tylerin]

Re: Emotionally Drained

Mayfloat, Very sorry to here of your circumstances with your son, but I feel you made a good decision by getting this off your chest. I don't think anything can be said to make you feel any better over the holidays. I'm not sure how old your son is. Huge difference between 15-18 yrs. I think you should have picked him up from wherever he was that day. I know my son will try something in time, its inevitable. Might be pot, beer, who knows but I want to be the one there for him when he needs someone(he's 14). The stealing and telling lies would probably bother me more than anything, I've never stole even a piece gum, and don't tolerate those who do. The same goes for telling lies. IMHO kids usually lash out at the ones they Love the most, thats you. Thats where you start. Mayfloat, be patient, understanding, and give him support. I'm sure there's alot of things you didn't tell us, cause I don't think this just started last Friday night. I hope these Doc's don't over analyse him. He's reaching out for something. You've got to be there for him. Mayfloat my heart is truly with you, and your family

 

[neumanns]

Re: Emotionally Drained

SS Mayfloat...I am saddened to find you in such a toufgh situation. I wish I had some enlightining words to help in your time of distress, But instead know my heartfelt support goes out to you and yours. Hang toufgh and hopefully this can bring to head what seems to have been an esculating situation. I wish you the best...

 

[JB]

Re: Emotionally Drained

I feel for you, Mayfloat.<br /><br />Adolescence is a tough time at best, and a horror story at worst. I would rather go through survival training for a year or combat for the rest of my life than go through it again. <br /><br />Your son is going through hell. If you didn't love him you wouldn't care, but you do love him and you are doing the right thing to help him survive it and become a man. I know of nothing wiser than what you have decided to do.<br /><br />When my first child was born I got a note from my Dad. It said, in part, that, "Do your best to do what is right for your child, even if it isn't right for you. Remember this: You can't be a good enough father to make a bad person turn out good or a bad enough father to make a good person turn out bad." That was nearly 50 years ago. I have passed on his advice to my children and their children and still find it valid.<br /><br />It sounds to me like you have done your best for your son. Where he goes from here may be up or down, but if it is down it will not be because you have failed. He is at an age when his environment away from home has much more power to shape him than his parents.<br /><br />Peace, my friend. Que sera sera.

 

[BrianFD]

Re: Emotionally Drained

SS,<br />Been there, Bud! Understand EXACTLY what you're going through, and you have my sympathy & support!<br />He won't realize it for quite some time, but you've done him the greatest favor by getting him the help he needs. He is deeply troubled and needs some theraputic counselling to help him through it.<br />Rest assured that you didn't do anything wrong, either in his upraising or the way you handled the situation.<br />Will be saying a little prayer for you and yours during this emotional drain. If you'd like to compare notes, you can always email me!<br />Best of luck!<br />Brian

 

[oddjob]

Re: Emotionally Drained

You did the right thing...I cant cover it any better then these guys already...Best Wishes.

 

[Ralph 123]

Re: Emotionally Drained

SS - You did the right thing. He is sick - has a genuine medical condition and now is starting to get the help he needs to get well. Think of it like this, he was bleeding and you called an ambulance. <br /><br />Now he needs to know you and your family love him. That you have not just given up on him and abandoned him. I am not sure how you do that, maybe you can ask the Doc what he suggests.<br /><br />Why do I say this? First, we all need to know we are loved, esp by our parents. Second, every time you did something to distance your self from him seems to have caused him to become enraged (not picking him up, calling the cops, walking away from him). He needs to know you love him and want him to get well and will be there for him when he gets things back together. He needs to know (at the appropriate time) how you have been feeling too. Speak to his Doc and ask how you can help him best.<br /><br />Merry Christmas. Keep the faith. It will work out.

 

[LadyFish]

Re: Emotionally Drained

SS, you are doing the right thing. There is no rule book for parents when we are faced with watching our children self destruct. Counseling is the best thing you can do for him right now. Be sure he knows its not a punishment but a way to help him get in touch with his inner self. Teens go through a myriad of emotions they just can't handle and reach out, sometimes in a very negative way to bring attention to themselves and let you know they need you right now.<br /><br />Lets face it, its scarey thing to grow up. Sometimes therapy is the only way to sort out his fears when they get all muttled up with his other emotions. Remember his actions and behavior are an affect, the cause lies beneath his behavior and outbursts. Before a doctor prescribes a drug be sure the therapist gets to the root of the problem. Otherwise you just may be covering a bullet hole with a band-aide.<br /><br />Right now, don't take anything he says or does personally. Don't doubt your competence as a parent. Love him and support him, and one day he'll be the person you know he can be. A son to be proud of. This situation is only temporary. <br /><br />Hang in there. Have faith and hope. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and him.

 

[roscoe]

Re: Emotionally Drained

Wishing you and yours, all the best in these troubled times.

 

[DJ]

Re: Emotionally Drained

SS,<br /><br />You are doing, and have done the right thing.<br /><br />YOU can't fix this, only he can. <br /><br />We're pulling for you.

 

[jsfinn]

Re: Emotionally Drained

Mayfloat,<br /><br />First off, I'm 25. When I was your sons age, I was pretty terrible to my folks. Growing up sometimes is hard and sometimes young men lash out and don't know why.<br /><br />Would he act like he does to a stranger? Probably not. He feels confortable engouh infront of you to act the way he does - so I think that shows that he does care about you.<br /><br />You did the right thing. In a few years, he'll thank you.<br /><br />I'm very close to my parents now...and every once in a while, I remember to thank them for being tough on me, and I say I'm sorry for the stress and trouble I put them through.<br /><br />Hang in there. It'll get better. You've done everything right. You're the dad which means you're the boss. He lives in your house, and should follow your rules. Your son is the one that needs to grow up..you already did that. (geeze..my folks would be so proud of me if they read that...haha)

 

[oddjob]

Re: Emotionally Drained

Yep...

 

[JB]

Re: Emotionally Drained

Well said, JSFinn! <br /><br />If I were your Dad I would be danged proud of you.

 

[Skinnywater]

Re: Emotionally Drained

JB wrote: <br />

When my first child was born I got a note from my Dad. It said, in part, that, "Do your best to do what is right for your child, even if it isn't right for you. Remember this: You can't be a good enough father to make a bad person turn out good or a bad enough father to make a good person turn out bad." That was nearly 50 years ago. I have passed on his advice to my children and their children and still find it valid.

JB's pappy was wise also.<br /><br />SS, you stand your ground and continue doing whats best for the others in your home. <br />And don't beat yourself up over this!

 

[FSHKPR]

Re: Emotionally Drained

Mayfloat just wanted to agree with everyone your doing the right thing. I went thru the same thing with my son. and handled it pretty much the same way you did. and yes i felt the same way. am i taking the easy way out? or is this really what he needs? well he is 25 now has a son and has come along way. i actually look forward to his visits now. we have spent many christmases apart. first he was in juvenile detention center then either in jail or prison. this will be the first christmas he has been with us in over 5 years. so hang in there buddy i can tell you things get better eventually. but it can be an awful heartbreaking road to get there. just remember you always have your friends at iboats to lean on. so dont be afraid to sign on and just vent. Merry christmas! and may the new year bring you happiness.

 

[kenimpzoom]

Re: Emotionally Drained

You did the right thing. For a kid of that age, saying "I hate you" is normal. Threatening their parents with death is not normal.<br /><br />Also, my cousin was/is having the same problem. He went off the deep end and has been in an out of hospitals all his life. I have seen him in action. I believe he could control his sanity, but chose not too, because it is easier to act crazy, rather than take responsibility. I have seen him in an episode, and have strongly talked to him and he snapped out of it (for a minute). You may want to find a good friend of his, or someone else he respects, and have this person as a backup, in case he has problems in the future.<br /><br />Ken

 

[SS MAYFLOAT]

Re: Emotionally Drained

Thanks for the tremendous support, it was very much needed. I still feel like rotten for having to put my son through this ordeal. Thanks to my immediate family as well as my family here at iboats, it is helping me to keep my sanity.<br /><br />The only person that I am mad at now is his doctor. My son has been in the hospital now for a complete week, and yet to talk or see his doctor.<br /><br />Carl called me yesterday on Christmas. He was upset that I was signing paperwork to have the court appointed officer to see him. He thinks that I have the ability to drop the charges. I told him that is out of my control. He then said I was lieing about it and he was going to press charges on me for neglect and disorderly conduct. I told him to go ahead and do what he has to do. I told him that I have to do what I must do rather I like it or not. He tried to get me to tell him who said what and I refused. He got mad at me a started his name calling. After hearing him call me a deadbeat dad, I hung up on him. The staff nurse called me right back saying she had heard what he was saying. She was going to terminate the call, but I beat it to her. She said I did the right thing.<br /><br />With these chain of events hapening in the morning, it just depressed me for the rest of the day. Between my son-in-laws, grandchildren, and step daughters, I had a real hard time being cheerful. Tonight my one grandson (10) is coming over for me to put his new bike together. That wil help me to keep my mind off of Carl.<br /><br />The courts want to take him directly from the hospital to court and then send him on to the juvinile detention center. I hate to see this happen, but for the last two years he has been threatened by it. This makes him feel that it won't ever happen. If he doesn't get put into Juvie Detention, I feel he will be worse off thinking that he can do anything without being punished or counseled about. <br /><br />These emotions are just about as bad if not worse than when I lost my parents. When they passed away, I knew they wouldn't be there except in my prayers. <br /><br />Trying to keep up my health, but it is rough dealing with a loss of appetite and lack of proper sleep. Having acid reflux problems have gotten worse. I'll just be glad when this whole situation is over.<br /><br />I hope all of you have had a great Christmas. It snowed on Christmas eve and all through Christmas giving us 4 inches. It made for a White Christmas.<br /><br />Thanks again for your support, it does help me knowing that my family here cares. God bless you all....