My best friends son died last night!

[mako]

Sorry for the very blunt title! His son was 20 months old and was taken to the hospital last night and died of a brain aneurism. Luigi was so happy last time I was at his house pushing his son on the swings. I talked to him on the phone regularly and he told me a hundred times how much his son meant to him. A few times he'd say hold on my son is beating on the cat, or he's knocking the pans around the kitchen. Boys will be boys! I have been friends with him for 7 years. We met at work and even when I didn't speak with him for a month or 2 I was always there for him and him for me. I haven't spoken to him since August because of some stupid little blowout we had. Luigi comes from a very unstable background living in foster homes and doesn't know his parents. He easily could have ended up on the streets homeless. But he did something good with his life. He has no family, other than his wife, and he doesn't get along with his inlaws, because they don't like where he came from! We parted ways due to union problems he was in with the click, I was not. He's known them 6 months and are sympathetic I'm sure. But I am his true friend, he told me often how I was his best friend. I know he needs time to grieve, but I want him to know I am there for him stronger than ever. What should I do? I know alot of people here are class all the way otherwise I wouldn't waste my time typing this. And as mentioned before give your child that great big hug and kiss! God bless baby Anthony, but why did GOD take him now????

 

[Scoop]

Re: My best friends son died last night!

Mako, I am sorry. I wish there was somthing I could say that would make everything better. The death of a child or spouse is the most traumatic thing a person can go through. The only thing you can do it let your friend know that you care and are there for him and his wife. Be there and listen. Be the shoulder to cry on. None of the other stuff matters anymore. It shows that you are a true friend by just posting here and trying to find a way to help. Good luck to you and your friend. This is the type of thing that can tear a person and/or a marriage apart.

 

[ob]

Re: My best friends son died last night!

mako,I am truly sorry and at a loss in giving advise on such a catastrofe that I can't even begin to imagine the hurt it has caused to your good friends and yourself.I don't know why things like this happen,but God must have a plan.The only thing I could suggest is that you follow your sincere intention and simply go to your friend and his wife in their time of grief and hug and cry with them.They need all of the support they can get.I am almost positive that they would be comforted by your presence.God bless you and your friends.

 

[Ross J]

Re: My best friends son died last night!

Mako, I'm sorry to hear of your mates loss.<br />Be there for them, visit in the morning and take with you some shopping for them. They're sure to have a house full of people who all need a feed at some time so bring enough for that. If they drink then take around some of that. If they smoke then some of that as well. Spend a little and stay to help with the dishes, and make other folk comfortable.<br />Oh, and clean their shoes for them, it's always the very last thing you think of on the day of the funeral.<br />Ask if you can be a bearer.<br />Give him a big hug and tell him how much you feel for him. He likes you obviously and possibly sees you as the father figure for him. He can argue freely with you can't he? Then be there for him and give.........<br />Ross

 

[Mike NZ]

Re: My best friends son died last night!

Hi Mako, I think Ross is bang on, see him as soon as convenient take heaps of prepared food and just serve him, go in do the dishes make the beds, cook clean feed him, mow the grass, nothing like that will matter to him as he won't have a heart for pracital things but he will appreciate them being done. Words won't really cover the depth of emotions they will be feeling if they chat and question just listen they will find there own answers in time, there is no majic cure its a journey they have no choice but to take, they have to walk this valley but its a privelage if you can walk it with them. Thankyou for posting in Oct. on 'hug your kids' when my wife and I lost our baby it was much appreciated. We had only a few days with our son Peters body and never saw him alive you would need the wisdom of Solomon to get him to appreciate what he did have, rather than focus on what was lost. To use your own words God Bless you, and your freind.

 

[JB]

Re: My best friends son died last night!

Hi, Mako.<br /><br />Sometimes it is as hard to be a friend who wishes to ease the pain as it is to be the bereaved.<br /><br />I agree with our mates, go there. Nuture Luigi and his spouse with caregiving.<br /><br />More. Take a copy of your first post, enclosed in a Sympathy card. It is an eloquent statement of your love. They need that.

 

[ebbtide176]

Re: My best friends son died last night!

that's hard to swallow. <br />tell them you love them and let them know you will be there whenever they need you.

 

[bobber head]

Re: My best friends son died last night!

Then there's the other side too.<br /><br />Of just being alone with our grief. Not wanting to answer phones or the front door. Not wanting to talk about things. A moment of no more surprises, be they well intended or otherwise.<br /><br />Down time.<br /><br />If you wonder about calling the house, maybe call at the same time of day. You know, a type of rictual that one can look forward too when watching the clock tick turns painful.<br /><br />Personally, my Grandfather just died, my last Grandparent, and of course, I was swamped by friends for a few days and then the visits dropped off as is normal, right? But one buddy remains just close enough for comfort without being in my face. <br /><br />Delicate balance.<br /><br />I don't know how relevent this is but thought I would offer it anyway. <br /><br />Sorry to hear the loss, BH

 

[DJ]

Re: My best friends son died last night!

Mako,<br /><br />Go see them now. They need you more than ever.

 

[NOSLEEP]

Re: My best friends son died last night!

Mako sorry to hear of your freinds loss<br />only time and support will help him bear the unbearable.<br /><br />THROUGH OUR LIVES WE ARE MAKING OUR SELVES READY FOR ANOTHER BIRTH. LOOK FORWARD WITHOUT FEAR TO THAT APOINTED HOUR, THE LAST HOUR OF THE BODY BUT NOT OF THE SOUL. THAT DAY WICH YOU FEAR AS BEING THE END OF ALL THINGS,IS THE BIRTHDAY OF YOUR ETERNITY.

 

[ehenry]

Re: My best friends son died last night!

Mako, sorry to hear of your friends son. I have a buddy that lost his wife some years ago and he was left with a 12 year old daughter to raise. All you can do is let him know you love him and you're there for him if he needs you and make time for him when he does call on you.

 

[dmessy]

Re: My best friends son died last night!

One of my fishing buddies took his wife in for a fairly routine arthroscopy of the knee last week. Well the knee got septic( infected ), she threw an embolus(blood clot) and died yesterday. Lesson learned... life is precious and fleeting. Live for today as there may not be a tomorrow!

 

[marcmccain]

Re: My best friends son died last night!

Mako,<br /><br />One of the most important roles played by a good friend is when we are put in the position of comforting someone who is grieving. The most common question people ask on such occasions is, "What should I say?" We want to help, but we feel helpless to make a difference in the face of such tragedy.<br /> <br /> I often remember a story told by Joseph Bayly when I struggled to say the "right thing" to someone who is hurting. Mr. Bayly lost three children to death over the course of several years. He wrote a book called View From A Hearse, (Life-Journey Books, 1992) in which he talks about his grief. He says this about comforting those who grieve:<br /> <br />"I was sitting, torn by grief. Someone came and talked to me of God's dealings, of why it happened, of hope beyond the grave. He said things I knew were true. I was unmoved, except to wish he would go away. He finally did. Someone else came and sat beside me. He didn't talk. He didn't ask leading questions. He just sat with me for an hour or more, listened when I said something, answered briefly, prayed simply, left. I was moved. I was comforted. I hated to see him go."<br /> <br />I have found Joseph Bayly's experience to be excruciatingly typical. Both men wanted to help. Both men cared. But only one truly comforted. The difference was that one tried to make him feel better, while the other just let him feel. One tried to say the right things. The other listened. One told him it would be all right. The other shared his pain.<br /> <br />When put in the difficult position of comforting someone in emotional pain, sometimes what needs to be said can be said best with a soft touch or a listening ear. It may not seem like much, but it can be more effective than you may ever know.

 

[RICKRICK1]

Re: My best friends son died last night!

Mako, am sorry to hear of you friends loss. You must be a true friend to him. He is so lucky to have someone who cares as much as you do. Have been in his shoes. The best help I got was not immediately or visible, but I had a friend who I could just say Hi to and know he understood that I knew he was my friend. It takes a long time to get used to the loss of a child and it takes a true friend to understand that. Your friend will need you to just be there now and in the future. <br />Again am sorry to here about his loss, will keep his family and you in our thoughts and prayers.

 

[Bart Sr.]

Re: My best friends son died last night!

MAKO...I and my family grieve for and with your friends and you.We can only offer our words as testimonials but I can feel the depth of emotion everyone has shown for our friends all across the world on this website.GOD BLESS ..THANKFULLY AND RESPECTFULLY..BART SR.

 

[Beaux]

Re: My best friends son died last night!

Mako-<br />I am continually impressed by the character of the people I meet through this board. I therefore, will delve into a subject that is extremely difficult for me. I too, have been through an extreme loss in recent months. In August, I lost both of my newborn children(John Robert and Margaret Scott). They were every ounce of hope and dreams that I had and were taken away from me way to early. I still have not recovered from this, but I have experienced thru family and friends many different support mechanisms during my grieving process. All were good and helped but most important to note is that each has an appropriate timing to help the loved one that is grieving. For instance, I am not very religious, but as my little girl took her last breath while I was holding her in my arms in the hospital, while my wife cried next to me, it was my wife's minister who spoke so eloquently and compassionate that not only my wife but i felt comfort from his words. I honestly do not feel that ANYONE could have said anything that would have made us feel better except him. I still feel uncomfortable at church after that moment, but there is no doubt that his words and scripture touched my soul at the very least for that moment to help me handle what was happening. I have felt that friends expressing their own pain and compassion can be overwhelming to the people already maxed out on their own pain/grief. I would simply "be around" to talk IF he wants to talk...otherwise just be there even if its silence more than talk. Heck, my dad and I spend more time tinkering with the boats now than ever before. We NEVER start off a conversation about the tragedy, although I know that if I need to talk, he will be there to LISTEN and express that he understands. Its very important to not suggest ways he can cope or things to talk about...remember its he who knows when he is ready to talk. His grief will be slow and sometimes awkward, but remember one test to apply before saying anything that you might think would make "him" feel better.... Am I saying this to help him, or when I am being honest to myself, am I saying this and actually making myself feel better with my own grief? It is almost angering to me to have people say that they "understand" b/c they lost someone or they "know what I am going thru" b/c of some other reason. I know its said out of love and caring thoughts, but if it isnt going to help, dont say it. Everyone grieves differently and its your knowledge from your friendship that will be the information you need to decide how to help your friend thru this. The comments posted on this board are EXACTLY the kind of support your friend needs from you. Compassionate,not overbearing, generous, and supportive. I am sorry for this very long posting you guys.... maybe I should follow my own rule since I actually almost feel better myself and am not sure I have helped mako...... For that matter, I found this forum trying to get my mind on other things. Guys-Thanks for reading and expressing your heart felt emotions to mako.....genuine and inspiring to know people like you guys are out there.

 

[mako]

Re: My best friends son died last night!

Alot of good advice from the members of the board here. I attended the wake tonite and it was obviously gut wrenching. I cannot begin to imagine what the parents feel at this time. Mike, I hope you are doing well after losing your son Peter. And Beaux sorry to hear of your great loss of John Robert and Margaret Scott. I've been by my friends house a bunch of times, he lives close by, and I work a 1/4 mile from his house. They haven't been staying at the house and I didn't want to bother him by trying to call him or find him at his inlaws. Anyways at the wake, I shook his hand and hugged him, in my loss for words, I told him I loved him and am their for him whether he wanted to talk or wanted to cry, I will do both with him. He responded with a I know, and told me man I really miss you. Know I know for sure we are friends for life and will never let stupid stuff get in the way of a great friendship. To any of you out there who haven't been on good terms with someone for awhile make the effort to reconcile as you may be missing out on a great friendship or could regret the time missed with someone you really care about. I also want to add that his wife is currently 7 months pregnant. I believe this is a good thing as it will keep them occupied, and again fill their home with the joys of a baby. God please bless them and give them a happy healthy baby!!!!!

 

[495v]

Re: My best friends son died last night!

I sorta know what your going through. My best friend and his wife found out Weds that they lost their baby. They thought she was 12 weeks pregnant but upon their doctor's visit, they discovered that the baby had died around 7 weeks. Now I know this would definately be easier to handle than than your friends situation, but they too have taken it hard considering this would have been their first and they were very excited. I have never experienced this situation and wasn't to sure how to help. I just offered to talk whenever he needed, I told him I was there for them. My wife just sent them a nice flower baquet. It's a tough situation to handle, but I assured him that God works in mysterious ways. Stay strong, be supportive, and I send you and your friends family my deepest condolenses.