jim phillips
Chief Petty Officer
- Joined
- May 11, 2003
- Messages
- 504
><br />>How many men does it take to open a beer?<br />>None. It should be opened when she brings it.<br />>-------------------------------------------------------------------<br />><br />>Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?<br />>Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will<br />>probably never be able to support you.<br />>--------------------------------------------------------------------<br />><br />>Why do women have smaller feet than men?<br />>It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to<br />>the kitchen sink.<br />>-------------------------------------------------------------------<br />><br />>How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?<br />>When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."<br />>-------------------------------------------------------------------<br />><br />>How do you fix a woman's watch?<br />>You don't. There is a clock on the oven. That's all she needs.<br />>-------------------------------------------------------------------<br />><br />>Why do men pass gas more than women?<br />>Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.<br />>-------------------------------------------------------------------<br />><br />>If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the<br />>front door, who do you let in first?<br />>The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.<br />>-------------------------------------------------------------------<br />><br />>What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?<br />>A woman who won't do what she's told.<br />>-------------------------------------------------------------------<br />><br />>I married a Miss Right.<br />>I just didn't know her first name was Always.<br />>-------------------------------------------------------------------<br />><br />>Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by<br />>90%.<br />>It's called a Wedding Cake.<br />>-------------------------------------------------------------------<br />><br />>Why do men die before their wives?<br />>They want to.<br />>-------------------------------------------------------------------<br />><br />>Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a<br />>bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.<br />>-------------------------------------------------------------------<br />><br />>In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.<br />>Then God created Man and rested.<br />>Then God created Woman.<br />>Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.<br />>-------------------------------------
<br /><br />(if LF sees this, we're in deep do-do 
